Garde Jokes
59 garde jokes and hilarious garde puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about garde that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Garde Short Jokes
Short garde jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The garde humour may include short guard jokes also.
- What did they say about the Swordsman's outfit at the Met Gala? That is was very Avant En Garde.
- What does security at the fencing arena say as they exchange at the end of a shift? You're on en garde guard duty.
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Garde One Liners
Which garde one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with garde? I can suggest the ones about protection and bodyguard.
- Email inventor dies aged 74 I sent my re:re:re:re:re:gards
- What does the artist say in the beginning of the fencing match? Avant-garde!
- What do artists say to each other before they duel? avant garde!
- Have you heard of experimental art called "garde"? Because I avant.
- Getting caught off is bad.. getting caught En Garde is worse.
- What do Charlie Gard and Jonbenét Ramsey have in common?
- Why are French fencers religious? Because they believe En Garde.
- My poetry brings all the hipsters to the yard and they're like "How Avant-garde"
- Did you hear about the r**... poet? His work has been described as *savant-garde.*
Cheerful Garde Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about garde you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean warden jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make garde pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[garden of eden]
**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?
**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.
**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?
**Eve:** 10
**Snake:** Thanksss
**Adam:** How did you calculate that?
**Eve:** Oh no.
Gardens (only clean joke I know)
Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?
Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.
I've just been in the garden with my stepladder
Not my real ladder, I don't get on with him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the midget Scotsman who does avant garde s**... tease?
He's a little off kilter.
While gardening, I accidently unearthed a tulip bulb.
"Whoops." I said "Sorry bud."
I spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden
it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life.
A gardener looks at his petunias & says to his foxy French apprentice...
WATER THOSE!!!!!!!
Why are gardeners the best pimps?
Because they are well versed in whorticulture
Welcome to my garden of actors
And on your left, we have the Benedict Cucumber Patch
Why do gardeners make horrible cops?
Because they keep planting evidence.
A gardener fell from grace and forgot how she once was.
So she went back to her roots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure
So yeah, I got a big b**... h**...
Gardeners
Interesting fact: Gardeners get to stay in their beds all day.
My gardener is completely incompetent
He keeps soiling himself
What did the gardener say to the man in the grass shoes?
WATER THOOOOSE
My Garden Statue Called In Sick Today
He has Gnome-onia.
The gardener asked me what I wanted him to do, I told him to water the plants...
He points and asks "water these?",
I said "nah man, *pointing* WATER THOSE".
What did the gardener say to the rose?
Hello, bud.
Why are gardeners better problem solvers than politicians
Because gardeners really get to the root of the problem.
Why was the gardener embarrassed?
He wet his plants in front of everyone
I was outside in my garden when a guy walked to me and started insulting me, so I roasted him in front of everyone.
He tasted really good with fries.
Why do gardeners hand out their herbs?
To pass the thyme.
A gardener found unwanted scallions growing in with his crops
His garden sprung a leek.
Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?
In case they get soiled
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus Christ saw every sin imaginable...
Meaning he saw some dude blasting rope to Waluigi h**... and still decided to save humanity. What a absolute legend.
Gardeners say manure is great for tomatoes...
But I think it ruins the sandwich
Why was there a gardener on duty at Steven Hawking's burial?
They needed help planting the vegetable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a garden and a woman on h**... have in common?
They both grow vegetables when someone plants a seed in them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does a Gardener make a decent p**...?
They have experience dragging h**... outa beds
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the gardener feel n**... when he went on vacation?
Because he didn't have any plants.
I saw a garden elf
On the subway today muttering to himself click.... click.... click.... click....
He was a metro gnome.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do gardeners get their w**...?
Home de p**...
Is there a gardener in the audience?
Why does my leaf blower have a low setting?
I've never needed to blow a leaf just a little.
(Blows gently into microphone)
How is a gardener like professor Henry Higgins?
they both have a horticulture.
As a gardener nothing makes me more excited then when my plants first sprout
I guess that makes me a petalphile
Garden shears will never be outdated.
After all, it's cutting-hedge technology.
A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
What are you? asks the cat. I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you? The cat thinks for a moment and says, I guess i'm a gnome.
I was in the garden section of the hardware store and some guy asked me if I wanted decking.
Luckily I got the first punch in.
Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?
He kept watering the vegetables.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It's a little gnome fact.
Most garden statuary is only 30cm tall and wears red hats.
It's a little gnome fact.
Where does the gardener go to get rid of her unwanted flowers?
Plant Parenthood
If your garden gets nuked.
Does it become a Gnome man's land?
Gardening..
..is so exciting, I wet my plants!
