Garbage Jokes

What are some Garbage jokes?

You know there's no official training for garbage men?

They just pick it up as they go along.

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

...I'll see myself out.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

I'm sorry.

Becoming a garbage man isn't hard....

you just pick it up as you go along.

^^^*I'm* ^^^*terribly* ^^^*sorry*

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

What is green, has 8 wheels, and flies?

A garbage truck

What has four wheels and flys?

A garbage truck.

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.

There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.

I've been reading the thesaurus a lot lately...

because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

There isn't much training involved in being a garbage man

You just pick it up as you go along

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.

A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."

"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."

"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"

"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

It's been a week since my wife went missing.

The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin.

Just another Johnny joke

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"

"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.

Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."

"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.

Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.

Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"

Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out. Normally, a bloke would just drive straight past, on to the next house, but old mate was in a good mood, he got laid last night. So he got out of the truck and knocked on the front door. An Aboriginal man answered the door and the Garbo asked "Hey mate, where's your bin?"
"Oh, I've bin up north." said the resident.

"Nah mate, where's your wheelie bin?" he goes.

"Ahh, I wheelie bin in jail, but I tell everyone I bin up north."

A little old lady was walking down the street...

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags.


One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.


A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."


"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."


"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"


"Oh, heavens no!" she said.


"My yard backs up to the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms.


So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"


"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"


"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

Son we need to talk.

Son, we need to talk!

Yes, dad?

Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they're garbage and if you keep watching them, you'll go blind!

Dad?

Yes, son?

I'm over here.

Are you looking for trouble?!

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale

so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.

I spend my spare time reading the Thesaurus...

because the mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"

You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

I think I want to be a garbage man.

I hear the industry is picking up!

What do a common garbage can and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?

No Oscar!

The other day I was scraping leftovers into the garbage...

...and I couldn't help but think of those poor kids in Africa who don't have any garbage bins.

A guy walks up to me and asks "What's Punk?"

So I kick over a garbage can and say "That's punk!" So he kicks over the garbage can and says "That's Punk?" and I say "No that's trendy!"

An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?

Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.

I love garbage day...

Once a week my street celebrates me

Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Westboro Baptist's Funeral?

There's only two handles on a garbage can.

Mind Your Own Business

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

What has 10 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

A farm boy comes down to eat some breakfast

On the table, is bacon, eggs and a huge glass of milk. However, before the boy could have anything, his mom demanded that he take out the garbage.

Angry at the world, the boy goes outside to take the garbage. On his way back inside, he stops at the pig pen, and kicks a pig in anger. He stops at the chicken coup and kicks a chicken in anger. He then stops at the cow barn and kicks a cow in anger.

Back inside, the boy feeling better, sits down. Only to find a bowl of dry cereal. He exclaims, "What's this?!"

The mom replies, "Well, because you kicked the pig, you get no bacon. Because you kicked the chicken, you get no eggs. And because you kicked the cow you get no milk."

Suddenly, an angry voice comes from the other room. Tripping, the dad kicks the cat in anger.

The boy responds, "Wanna tell him or should I?"

A guy goes to the doctor.

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, ya gotta help me. My asshole's the size of a garbage can lid!"

The doctor is a little shocked and says, "You've got to be kidding. I'm sure it's not that bad. Tell me what happened."

The guy tells the doctor, "Well, I went on Safari and I ended up getting raped by an elephant."

The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Well, then it can't be the size of a garbage can lid. I'm no veterinarian, but I know that elephant penises are actually quite small."

After a short embarrassed pause, the guy guy sighs, "He fingered me first."

I'm married to Wonder Woman.

She wonders when I'll grow up.
She wonders when I'll take the garbage out.
She wonders when I'll finally get a promotion.
She wonders why she ever married me.

How rich are garbage men?

Filthy.

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage.

I don't want unlucky people working in my department.

What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

Garbage gets thrown out.

Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ?

I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work.

Why can't Ajit Pai be buried at sea?

There are laws against dumping human garbage in an ocean

My street looks like a garbage dump...

...litter ally!

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

What do you call a group of garbage men?

A collection!

What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans?

It was Bin Laden

What's the difference between a garbage truck and a school bus?

One goes around neighborhoods picking up useless pieces of garbage that nobody wants in their houses anymore..
And the other's a garbage truck.

What do you call garbage wrapped in small trash bags?

...dumplings

Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients "muppets"

Some of them ended up living in garbage cans.

A train carrying republicans to a retreat crashed into a garbage truck.

It's all ok everybody. The trash was completely unharmed.

A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

You know why I envy the garbage?

Because it goes out way more then me.

The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage

Litteralley.

Where does William Tell take his garbage?

To the dump to the dump to the dump^dump^dump

Donald trump and a slinky have a lot in common...

They are both useless piles of garbage but they'll put a smile on your face if you shove them down the stairs.

How to make Garbage jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Garbage to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Garbage? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Garbage pick up lines to share with friends.

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