garbage Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious garbage puns

You know there's no official training for garbage men?

They just pick it up as they go along.

👍🏼

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

👍🏼

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

...I'll see myself out.

👍🏼

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the window..

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry; that was an insect". To which, her daughter replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".

👍🏼

A dildo hits a family car...

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

👍🏼

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

I'm sorry.

👍🏼

A Mom is driving with her 7-year old daughter.

They are following a garbage truck, when a dildo flies out and hits the windshield. The little girl asks, "Mom, what was that?" Mom, being embarrassed, says "Oh honey, it was just a bug." "Wow!", says the little girl, "It sure had a big dick!"

👍🏼

Becoming a garbage man isn't hard....

you just pick it up as you go along.

^^^*I'm* ^^^*terribly* ^^^*sorry*

👍🏼

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

👍🏼

Mom, dad, daughter and the dildo

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughters innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, " I am surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

👍🏼

What is green, has 8 wheels, and flies?

A garbage truck

👍🏼

a family are driving behind a garbage truck......

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

👍🏼

What has four wheels and flys?

A garbage truck.

👍🏼

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.

There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.

👍🏼

This guy walks up to his wife one day

This guy walks up to his wife one day and grabs her breast, he says " if these were firmer, you could get rid of your bra." the wife doesn't say anything, she just rolls her eyes. The next day, the husband comes up to his wife and grabs her butt, and says, "If this was firmer, you could get rid of your pantyhose." the wife doesn't say anything, she just rolls her eyes. Later that night, they're laying in bed, and the wife rolls over and grabs her husband's dick, and says " if this was firmer, we could get rid of the garbage man, the mail man, and your brother."

👍🏼

I've been reading the thesaurus a lot lately...

because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

👍🏼

A family was driving behind the garbage truck

... when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry honey - that was just an insect."

To which little Johnny replies "I'm surprised it could get off the fucking ground with a cock like THAT!!"

👍🏼

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

👍🏼

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.

A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."

"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."

"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"

"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

👍🏼

A woman is cheating on his husband and having group sex with three men...

When all of a sudden, the husband returns home from work early.

In a panic, the three men run to the backyard stark naked, and looking around, they see three large garbage bags and decide to hide in them and so each one gets into a bag.

The husband comes in the bathroom, sees his wife all naked and sweaty and immediately realizes what's going, sees the door leading to the backyard open, grabs his shotgun and runs outside ready to commit murder, "I'll kill the bastard!"

Once outside, he sees the three bags and realizing the level of cuckolding he's been subjected to, decides to have some fun first. He approaches the first bag and gives it a soft kick, from inside the first man lets out a "Baaa, baaa..."

"Oh", growls the man out loud, "there's a sheep in that bag."

He moves on to the second bag and gives that one a kick and from inside the second guy lets out a "Buuk, buk, buk, buk...".

"We seem to have a chicken in this bag" hisses the man and moves on an gives the third bag a kick. Nothing happens.

He steps back and gives the bag a harder kick boiling with anger and again nothing happens. Starting to see red, he gives the bag a kick with all his might and stomps it a couple of times and from inside the third guy moans, "It's a bag of potatoes you asshole, potatoes"!

👍🏼

Don't worry; that was an insect.

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

👍🏼

It's been a week since my wife went missing.

The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin.

👍🏼

A lying neighbor

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

👍🏼

Just another Johnny joke

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"

"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.

Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."

"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.

Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.

Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"

Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."

👍🏼

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out. Normally, a bloke would just drive straight past, on to the next house, but old mate was in a good mood, he got laid last night. So he got out of the truck and knocked on the front door. An Aboriginal man answered the door and the Garbo asked "Hey mate, where's your bin?"
"Oh, I've bin up north." said the resident.

"Nah mate, where's your wheelie bin?" he goes.

"Ahh, I wheelie bin in jail, but I tell everyone I bin up north."

👍🏼

A physicist, a chemist and a statistician walk into an office...

...to discover the trash can is on fire.

The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants, can no longer continue!"

Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting a proper sample size!"

👍🏼

A little old lady was walking down the street...

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags.


One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.


A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."


"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."


"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"


"Oh, heavens no!" she said.


"My yard backs up to the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms.


So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"


"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"


"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

👍🏼

Son we need to talk.

Son, we need to talk!

Yes, dad?

Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they're garbage and if you keep watching them, you'll go blind!

Dad?

Yes, son?

I'm over here.

👍🏼

President George W. Bush Gets Some Bad News...

Dick Cheney enters the Oval Office, where he finds President Bush busy playing with his Garbage Pail Kids collection.

"Mr. President," Cheney says, "I have some disconcerting news about the War in Iraq."

Bush glances up from his busywork and says, "Give it to me straight, Dick".

Cheney says, "Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were just killed by the insurgents."

Bush collapses to his knees and howls in grief, Cheney is shocked. Finally, Bush clambers to his feet and, wiping tears from his face says, "Aw Dick, how many millions are in a brazillion?"

👍🏼

Are you looking for trouble?!

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

👍🏼

I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale

so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.

👍🏼

I spend my spare time reading the Thesaurus...

because the mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

👍🏼

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"

👍🏼

A man is driving down the road with his wife and daughter.

They end up driving behind a garbage truck. A dildo falls out of the truck and hits the windshield. The mom is embarrassed and wants to preserve her daughter's innocence, so she turns around and says, "Don't worry, that was just an insect."

The daughter says, "I'm surprised it could even get off the ground with a cock that big!"

👍🏼

You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Garbage jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Garbage? Well, here are the best Garbage dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Garbage pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes