The Best 76 Garage Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Garage jokes. There are some garage house jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these garage garage sale puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Garage Jokes and Puns

A guy driving through Alaska has car trouble.

He finds a garage in town, and the mechanic tells him he'll check out the car, and to go across the street to the diner and have lunch during the wait, because it will take about 30 minutes.

The guy goes to the diner, then back to the garage in a half hour, and asks the mechanic what's up.

Mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

Guy wipes his mouth and says, "No - that was just the vanilla ice cream I had for dessert."

Dark Jokes?

What's worse than 18 dead babies in a bucket? 1 baby in 18 different buckets.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my Garage.

I love taking long walks on the beach with my girlfriend....

Until the acid wears off and I realize I am just dragging a mannequin through the parking garage.

Garage joke, I love taking long walks on the beach with my girlfriend....

This guy walks out of the bathroom when...

This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."

What is the difference between a Cadillac and five dead Asian hookers?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage


A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...

so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

A penguin takes his car to a garage.

The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.

He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."

Garage joke, A penguin takes his car to a garage.

What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?

You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.

A guy has a wasps nest in his garage

He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.

"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"

"No sir, it kills them."

Timmy's April Fool's joke

The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.

"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.

"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"

The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house.

"Nothing is in the garage." She says to him.

"April fool's!"

"Oh than-"

"He hanged himself in the loft."

To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"

I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"

She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"

You can explore garage headlights reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean garage bedroom dad jokes. There are also garage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A successful woman needs four animals in her life...

A jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for all of the above.

What did the cowboy say as he walked into a German car garage?

Audi

I like my women how I like my bicycles,

chained up in the garage.

How do you get into Heaven?

When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" Tim answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, Tim answered, "NO!"

The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.

Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.

Garage joke, This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

2 blondes are hammering nails into the side of a garage...

One of them has a problem. She holds each nail in place, but ends up tossing every other one on the ground. Finally she says "Hey, half of these nails are bad - the sharp end is pointing away from the wall!"

The other blonde replied "You idiot, those are for other side of the building!"

I like my women like I like my bikes.

Chained up and locked down in my garage.

A man goes to a garage sale.

He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.

Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"

Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"

Man - "What's the catch then?"

Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."

Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"


How many dead hookers does it take to fill up a garage

I know it isn't 37

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 keeps mangled corpses in a box in his garage

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.

While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.

When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

I just had to pay Β£1 at the garage to pump up my tires.

That's inflation for you.

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale

"How much is this TV?" the man said.

The seller responded, "One dollar."

"Wow, only one dollar?"

"Yep, one dollar."

Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.

"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.

"So the volume is always turned up?"

"Yep."

"And it's only a dollar?"

"Yes, one dollar."

"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"

"Yep."

"Wow! Can't turn that down."

I saw a black guy riding a bike down the street

I thought it was mine, so I checked my garage and it was still chained up, begging for food.

I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale"

Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!

Just saw a kid riding a bike

Thought it was mine, I checked the garage and it's still there, locked up, safe and sound, begging for food.

How many babies does it take to paint a garage?

Depends on how hard you throw em'.

How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?

Another two if I move my bike.

A mom caught her son jacking in the garage...

...she said to him, "Look son, I know you are at the age where you are curious and want to experiment with these kinds of things.... but please stop trying to remove the wheels of the car!"

Anthony arrived home from work one day, only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...

She asks him if he would please take them out for a pizza.

He agrees, tells the kids to go out to the garage and to wait in the car, following behind them.

A few moments later, the wife hears two loud bangs.

Tony comes back into the house and asks, "Where's my pizza?"

Yesterday I sold my vacuum in a garage sale

all it was doing was collecting dust.

I was having intimate relations with a married woman.

A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"

Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.

I sat in my closed garage with the car on for 30 mins...

before I realized I shouldn't have gone with the Tesla.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds

Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.

Started a new job as a delivery man today...

When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."

That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.

Penguin driving home has car trouble...

A penguin driving home when his car begins to overheat. He parks at a garage and the mechanic says it will be a little bit before he can look at it.
The penguin decides to go across the street and get ice cream. The penguin slops ice cream all over himself from head to toe and returns to the mechanic. The mechanic comes out and says well it looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin says no it's ice cream, honest.

I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years."

It's filled with a bunch of random screws.

Today I saw a kid riding a bike and thought it was mine

Then I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food

How much do you get paid?

The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?

The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.

I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday

I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.

When I was walking home

When I was walking home, I saw a child riding a bike. It looked remarkably like mine, so I hurried home to make sure. When I got there, I saw it was still chained up in my garage asking for food

I took my pet snail to get his car painted..

We drive over to the painters garage and he asks:

hey, what color would you like you car ?

Snail says back to him:

I would a black car with a green S on top

Painter exclaims:

Oh that's cool, S for snail

Snail lashes back:

No, not S for snail, that way when people see me drive by they say hey look at that escargot !

Penguin

A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl?

I don't have a Ferrari tied up in my garage.

A man is teaching his son to drive. NSFW

They both get in the car and the son starts to back it out of the garage. Before the dad has time to stop him, his son backs directly into his moms parked car.

Mom, inside, hears the crash and comes running out. "What happened?!"

The dad points at his son and says "it was all his fault"

The mom reply's with, "Well... how could you have printed the accident?"

Dad looks directly at his so and says. "I really should have just pulled out."

Why a man should always choose a dog over a wife

No man should ever choose a woman when we can get himself a dog.

Want proof?

Next time they misbehave put your dog and your woman in the garage for an hour and lock the door. Which one is happy to see you when you come back?

A hooker approaches a middle-aged man at the bar and says, I'll do anything you want for $50.

He opens his wallet and says, Paint my garage doors.

How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage?

A lot.

With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?

No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons, reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.

She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.

Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,

She said Look in the garage.

I've got an old project car that I named after my wife.

I haven't turned her on in years, now it usually takes a garage full of men to get her motor running.

Today I read the noose found in Bubba Wallace's garage wasn't really a noose...

Fake Noose Media

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

A man was helping his friend clean out his garage.

He noticed an amazing looking belt in the garbage can. It was black, with numerous stars and galaxies etched into it in intricate detail.

"Why are you throwing this out?" He asked.

His friend replied, "It is just such a waist of space."

Someone broke into my garage and took a bunch of stuff, including my limbo stick!

Seriously, how low can you go?

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down.

AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.

The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, being a penguin, with flippers instead of hands, as well as a beak, he makes a huge mess and gets ice cream all over his face. Hoe goes back to the garage, where the mechanic tells him "looks like you blew a seal."

"No," says the penguin. "That's just ice cream."

A wealthy man had a homeless man come to his door begging for money.

The man said I'm glad to help, but its healthy to work for your money. I've got a porch out back that needs painting. All the painting supplies are ready in the garage. If you paint the porch, I'll pay you $300. The homeless man agrees and heads to the back. About four hours later he goes to the front of the house and rings the doorbell. The man answers and says let's head back and see how well you painted the porch. The homeless man says alright, and, by the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Lamborghini.

I had to get on the ladder to change a lightbulb in the garage this afternoon.

You could say it was the high light of my day.

I woke up one day, and wanted to go to the store.

I went to my garage and saw that my car wasn't there.

That day, I realized I shouldn't have bought a Ford Escape.

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

β€ŸOn what grounds?

β€ŸGrounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.

β€ŸNo, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?

β€ŸYes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.

^(getting exasperated) β€ŸDoes he beat you up?

β€ŸNo, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.

β€ŸWHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

β€ŸWe just can't seem to communicate.

An Arrogant Boss

The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.

Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."

The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."

The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a glimpse of a small scooter with two deflated wheels."

My wife of 25 years laughed when I said I still had the body of a sexy model.

Until she checked the deep freeze in the garage.

Sven and Oli went to the lumber store

Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage

The resemblance was uncanny!

A newlywed man was in the garage working on his motorcycle. His new wife came out of the house and watched him work for a few minutes before saying, Now that we are married, you should probably sell that motorcycle.

The man's face went pale and he looked as if he might throw up.

Are you okay? Whats the matter? begged his wife.

He managed to get control of himself. For a minute there, you sounded like my ex-wife.

Your ex-wife? the woman exclaimed. You never told me that you were married before!

I wasn't, he said.

What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?

Garbage.

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".

3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".

1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall.

I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.

It now takes a dollar more to pump up a tyre at the local garage

I guess it's due to inflation

To spice things up a bit in the bedroom, I asked my wife to talk dirty to me.

Telling me how dusty the garage was, and about the mold in the shower, was not what I was hoping for.

Saw a kid riding a bike that looked the same as mine in my neighborhood

I freaked out and went to my garage. Luckily he was still there; chained up and begging for food.

Did you hear about the depressed hipster?

They found him in his garage, with a hose in his drivers side window, leading to the charging port of his Tesla.

I was cleaning out my garage and couldn't find my limbo stick. I thinknit was stolen

How low will people go?!?!

What did Picasso say when he entered the parking garage?

Where did my van go?

(courtesy of my teenage daughter)

Why don't pirates have garage sales?

They prefer yarrr sales.

I hate winter…

I hate the snow, the ice, the cold. In these times I think of the 4-man tent I bought on sale sometime around 1995. It's a basic tent, and it was a great value when I got it. It's hardly used now and just sits in my garage. I get such Winter Blues that I think about setting the tent up in the back yard, even though I've never gone through with that.

But alas I wonder, is this the Winter of my discount tent?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the garage porsche jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working garage cellar piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes