Garage Jokes
181 garage jokes and hilarious garage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about garage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about garages, from garage door repair to garage sale finds and more. From parking lots and headlight lamps to car garages and attic closets, laugh at the best jokes that involve our favorite place to park and store things!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Garage Short Jokes
Short garage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The garage humour may include short attic jokes also.
- I think my local garage is ripping me off... does anyone else think £500 for a tesla exhaust is a lot?
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
- I sat in my closed garage with the car on for 30 mins... before I realized I shouldn't have gone with the Tesla.
- What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool? You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
- I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years." It's filled with a bunch of random screws.
- I've got an old project car that I named after my wife. I haven't turned her on in years, now it usually takes a garage full of men to get her motor running.
- I love taking long walks on the beach with my girlfriend.... Until the acid wears off and I realize I am just dragging a mannequin through the parking garage.
- Dark Jokes? What's worse than 18 dead babies in a bucket? 1 baby in 18 different buckets.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my Garage.
Share These Garage Jokes With Friends
Garage One Liners
Which garage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with garage? I can suggest the ones about basement and tool shed.
- I like my women how I like my bicycles, chained up in the garage.
- I like my women like I like my bikes. Chained up and locked down in my garage.
- Yesterday I sold my vacuum in a garage sale all it was doing was collecting dust.
- What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ? Garbage.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 keeps mangled corpses in a box in his garage
- How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage? A lot.
- I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires. That's inflation for you.
- What did the cowboy say as he walked into a German car garage? Audi
- Why don't pirates have garage sales? They prefer yarrr sales.
- I witnessed a crime in a parking garage It was wrong on so many levels!
- How many babies does it take to paint a garage? Depends on how hard you throw em'.
- I like my women how I like my bicycle Hanging in my garage until I want to go for a ride
- LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out... You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
- What happens if you put a mirror in a garage? A mirage!
- Why do you go to a black mans garage sale? So you can get all your stuff back.
Car Garage Jokes
Here is a list of funny car garage jokes and even better car garage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I woke up one day, and wanted to go to the store. I went to my garage and saw that my car wasn't there.
That day, I realized I shouldn't have bought a Ford Escape. - This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water. Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.
- The reverse gear on our car stopped working, so my wife and I took it to a garage. Moving forward we should be fine.
- One day, Chuck Norris was hit by a car He then rushed the car to the nearest garage and paid for it's repair.
- I'm not saying I drive a small car But whenever I get home, my garage asks if it's in yet.
- What did the car say to the garage? Can I come in you?
- I got kicked out of church Apparently it's rude to say going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- My dad tried to kill himself He parked the car in the garage and left it running for hours with the garage doors closed. He came inside the house after 4 hours when he realized we had a hybrid car.
- What's the difference between a million dollar car and a pile of dead babies? There's no million dollar car in my garage.
- I saw a magic car the other day... It turned into a garage!
Garage Door Jokes
Here is a list of funny garage door jokes and even better garage door puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad told me he put a draw bridge at our house. Turns out, he installed the garage door upside down.
- The FBI has determined the rope in Bubba Wallace's garage was a door pull and not a noose. I guess no noose is good news.
- Yo mama so big and fat, your front door is the garage.
- I just drove my truck into a building! Good thing I opened the garage door first.
- What did Stephen Hawking and Kurt Cobain garage door having common? They were both very brainy
- Did you hear about the blonde who tried to commit s**...? She closed her garage door
and sat in her Tesla
while she left it running - A h**... approaches a middle-aged man at the bar and says, I'll do anything you want for $50. He opens his wallet and says, Paint my garage doors.
- Sears does vasectomies now. But every time I get an e**..., my garage door opens.
- I got a vasectomy at Sears! Was really inexpensive, but now whenever I get an e**..., my garage door opens.
Garage Sale Jokes
Here is a list of funny garage sale jokes and even better garage sale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "You know when you go to a garage sale, and you find a dusty old box of National Geographics? Yeah, well you're kind of like that.... You've got issues going way back."
- The other day I saw a sign on my street for a garage sale ...but I didn't go. I already had a garage.
- Why does every state have 2 senators? So that one can be the designated driver.
(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this). - I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
- Garage sales are garbage sales. But the B is silent.
- How do you get other people to pay you to haul away your old junk? Tell them it's a garage sale.
- To everyone who received a file from me named myjunk.jpg:
I thought I was sending you a photo of my garage sale.
I am so, so sorry. - The black family across the street from me is having a garage sale. Finally, a chance to buy some of my stuff back!
- I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."
-- Steven Wright - I went to a garage sale the other day, they had a radio with no volume control I just couldn't turn it down.
Parking Garage Jokes
Here is a list of funny parking garage jokes and even better parking garage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Picasso say when he entered the parking garage? Where did my van go?
(courtesy of my teenage daughter) - A therapist runs his business out of a parking garage... He frequently meets people that are going through a lot.
- Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
- Why did the man fall asleep in his running car parked in the garage? He was exhausted.
- I can't find my car. I've been looking in this parking garage for a good hour and I can't find my car.
All I remember is that it had a green light above it. - Elon Musk is so rich his his tow-truck is a rocket ship, his parking garage is space, and he can afford an unlimited data plan with no throttling! Yea I mean like no buffering at all.
- I once met this p**... that went by the nickname "Watergate" I had no clue why until she began to d**... me in a parking garage
Garage Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny garage band jokes and even better garage band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Paul Simon name his garage funk alternative band? Simon and GarFunkAl.
- I started a garage band called Insufficient Memory We really need a gig.
- What do you a call a PC without Garage Band? A Dell
Delightful Fun Garage Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about garage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cellar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make garage pranks.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
One of them I don't have in my garage.
A guy driving through Alaska has car trouble.
He finds a garage in town, and the mechanic tells him he'll check out the car, and to go across the street to the diner and have lunch during the wait, because it will take about 30 minutes.
The guy goes to the diner, then back to the garage in a half hour, and asks the mechanic what's up.
Mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
Guy wipes his mouth and says, "No - that was just the vanilla ice cream I had for dessert."
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
What is the difference between a Cadillac and five dead Asian h**...?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage
A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...
so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."
A penguin takes his car to a garage.
The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."
A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
A guy has a wasps nest in his garage
He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.
"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"
"No sir, it kills them."
Timmy's April Fool's joke
The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.
"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.
"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.
"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"
The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house.
"Nothing is in the garage." She says to him.
"April fool's!"
"Oh than-"
"He hanged himself in the loft."
To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"
I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"
She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"
A successful woman needs four animals in her life...
A jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in her bed, and a j**... to pay for all of the above.
I was driving my moms car.
I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.
What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?
They both slowly remove clogs.
^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.
Every woman should have four pets...
A mink in her closet, a Jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed...and a j**... to pay for all of it
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
Tommy's parents wanted to have s**.......
So his dad asked him to stand in the balcony and tell What's happening outside. Tommy started
Tommy : Sam is having his breakfast
Lil is starting her car
Kids are playing in the park
Mark is opening his garage
Mike's parents are having s**...
Dad : What! How do you know that!
Tommy : He is also standing in the balcony!
A priest and a rabbi buy a car...
A priest and a rabbi buy a car. The priest walks out and sees the rabbi sprinkling water over the hood.
"What are you doing?" Asked the priest.
"I'm blessing the car," said the rabbi.
"Oh, as long as we're doing THAT..." The priest walked into the garage. He later came back out with a hacksaw and cut 2 inches off of the tailpipe.
2 blondes are hammering nails into the side of a garage...
One of them has a problem. She holds each nail in place, but ends up tossing every other one on the ground. Finally she says "Hey, half of these nails are bad - the sharp end is pointing away from the wall!"
The other blonde replied "You idiot, those are for other side of the building!"
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche sitting in my garage
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I haven't got a Ferrari in my garage
A man goes to a garage sale.
He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.
Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"
Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"
Man - "What's the catch then?"
Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."
Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"
Cleaning Day
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies, "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
How many dead prostitutes...
How many dead prostitutes can you fit in a garage?
3 more, if I move my bike.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?
I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.
How many dead h**... does it take to fill up a garage
I know it isn't 37
When I was younger, I really wanted a skateboard
but my parents couldn't afford one; so one morning, I woke up early and went to the garage, I got some wood and some nails… and beat my parents to death.
My foster parents bought me 5 skateboards.
They say the person who left the car running in the closed garage committed s**..., but....
I'd say the cause of death was exhaustion
Seals
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale
"How much is this TV?" the man said.
The seller responded, "One dollar."
"Wow, only one dollar?"
"Yep, one dollar."
Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.
"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.
"So the volume is always turned up?"
"Yep."
"And it's only a dollar?"
"Yes, one dollar."
"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"
"Yep."
"Wow! Can't turn that down."
I saw a black guy riding a bike down the street
I thought it was mine, so I checked my garage and it was still chained up, begging for food.
Just saw a kid riding a bike
Thought it was mine, I checked the garage and it's still there, locked up, safe and sound, begging for food.
How many dead h**... can you fit in a garage?
Another two if I move my bike.
A mom caught her son jacking in the garage...
...she said to him, "Look son, I know you are at the age where you are curious and want to experiment with these kinds of things.... but please stop trying to remove the wheels of the car!"
Anthony arrived home from work one day, only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...
She asks him if he would please take them out for a pizza.
He agrees, tells the kids to go out to the garage and to wait in the car, following behind them.
A few moments later, the wife hears two loud bangs.
Tony comes back into the house and asks, "Where's my pizza?"
I was having intimate relations with a married woman.
A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"
Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a s**....
Started a new job as a delivery man today...
When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."
That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.
Penguin driving home has car trouble...
A penguin driving home when his car begins to overheat. He parks at a garage and the mechanic says it will be a little bit before he can look at it.
The penguin decides to go across the street and get ice cream. The penguin slops ice cream all over himself from head to toe and returns to the mechanic. The mechanic comes out and says well it looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin says no it's ice cream, honest.
Today I saw a kid riding a bike and thought it was mine
Then I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food
How much do you get paid?
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.
When I was walking home
When I was walking home, I saw a child riding a bike. It looked remarkably like mine, so I hurried home to make sure. When I got there, I saw it was still chained up in my garage asking for food
I took my pet snail to get his car painted..
We drive over to the painters garage and he asks:
hey, what color would you like you car ?
Snail says back to him:
I would a black car with a green S on top
Painter exclaims:
Oh that's cool, S for snail
Snail lashes back:
No, not S for snail, that way when people see me drive by they say hey look at that escargot !
Penguin
A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl?
I don't have a Ferrari t**... in my garage.
Why a man should always choose a dog over a wife
No man should ever choose a woman when we can get himself a dog.
Want proof?
Next time they misbehave put your dog and your woman in the garage for an hour and lock the door. Which one is happy to see you when you come back?
A compliment on someone's intelligence...
'You've got more brains than Kurt Cobains garage roof'
How do you find out if your dog or your wife loves you the most?
Lock them both in the garage for a few hours.
When you return, see which one is happiest to see you.
Snow job
So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.
With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?
No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three b**..., reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.
She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.
Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,
She said Look in the garage.
Dirty dead baby jokes?
My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after s**....
