Garage Door Jokes
40 garage door jokes and hilarious garage door puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about garage door that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Garage Door Short Jokes
Short garage door jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The garage door humour may include short garage jokes also.
- My dad told me he put a draw bridge at our house. Turns out, he installed the garage door upside down.
- My dad tried to kill himself He parked the car in the garage and left it running for hours with the garage doors closed. He came inside the house after 4 hours when he realized we had a hybrid car.
- The FBI has determined the rope in Bubba Wallace's garage was a door pull and not a noose. I guess no noose is good news.
- What did Stephen Hawking and Kurt Cobain garage door having common? They were both very brainy
- Did you hear about the blonde who tried to commit s**...? She closed her garage door
and sat in her Tesla
while she left it running - A h**... approaches a middle-aged man at the bar and says, I'll do anything you want for $50. He opens his wallet and says, Paint my garage doors.
- I got a vasectomy at Sears! Was really inexpensive, but now whenever I get an e**..., my garage door opens.
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Garage Door One Liners
Which garage door one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with garage door? I can suggest the ones about barn door and car garage.
- Yo mama so big and fat, your front door is the garage.
- I just drove my truck into a building! Good thing I opened the garage door first.
- Sears does vasectomies now. But every time I get an e**..., my garage door opens.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Garage Door Jokes
What funny jokes about garage door you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broken door jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make garage door pranks.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
Science jokes
Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.
Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.
Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an automobile mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic doesn't have to open his garage door to get his car out.
Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The officer asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?. Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."
Incognito
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms.
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Driving home very drunk
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was.
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.
"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.
"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.
Inside the garage was the state troopers car.
A penguin takes his car to a garage.
The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."
Kid looking for odd jobs comes to a guys door
"Hey mister" he starts out, "I'm looking for some work for pocket money over the holidays".
Impressed by the youngster's work ethic the man says "Sure son; there's a few tins of paint in the garage. Go get them and paint the porch and I'll give you $20"
4 hours later there was a knock on the man's door by a paint spattered youth holding his hand out for payment who says "I've finished and by the way that's not a porch it's a BMW"
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money,
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde was desperate for money...
so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs.
At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?'
'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.'
'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.'
The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.
'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. 'I'm all done,' she reported.
The man was amazed. You painted the whole porch?'
'Yeah,' the blonde said. 'I even had some left, so I put on two coats!'
The man reached into his wallet to pay her.
'And by the way,' said the blonde, 'that's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari.'
Lawnmower for sale
A little boy hears the doorbell and answers the door. The gentleman at the door says, "Hi, I'm here about the lawnmower that's for sale."
The little boy replies, "My parents aren't home right now, but it's in the garage if you want to look at it."
The man starts pulling the rope to make sure it will crank. After several tries, he says, "Son, this lawnmower won't start."
The boy says, "That's because you haven't cussed at it yet."
Startled, the man replies, "I'm a man of the cloth. I haven't said any swear words in years."
The boy says, "Keep pulling that rope - it'll come back to you."
A penguin is driving on a hot summer day when his car...
... suddenly starts to make noises and smoke out from under the hood. The penguin coasts into the service space and stops at the garage.
The mechanic there tells the penguin it's going to take a bit of time to see what the problem is, and starts working on the car, so our penguin shuffles out of the garage into the supermarket next door, frozen goods aisle, to get out of the summer scorch and get a bit of a cool-down.
Half an hour later, the penguin shuffles back to the garage, and the mechanic raises his eyes and tells him:
"Looks like you've blown a seal"
"Oh no, that's just some ice cream I ate earlier"
I was having intimate relations with a married woman.
A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"
Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.
Started a new job as a delivery man today...
When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."
That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.
Why a man should always choose a dog over a wife
No man should ever choose a woman when we can get himself a dog.
Want proof?
Next time they misbehave put your dog and your woman in the garage for an hour and lock the door. Which one is happy to see you when you come back?
A wealthy man had a homeless man come to his door begging for money.
The man said I'm glad to help, but its healthy to work for your money. I've got a porch out back that needs painting. All the painting supplies are ready in the garage. If you paint the porch, I'll pay you $300. The homeless man agrees and heads to the back. About four hours later he goes to the front of the house and rings the doorbell. The man answers and says let's head back and see how well you painted the porch. The homeless man says alright, and, by the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Lamborghini.
An Arrogant Boss
The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.
Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."
The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."
The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a glimpse of a small scooter with two deflated wheels."
My brother works in the garage door business
I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.
He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.
Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.
I hope you found these puns to be....uplifting.
3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...
1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
A man came home early from work one day and found his next-door neighbor in bed with his wife.
Quickly pulling a gun, he marched the n**... fellow into the garage where he tightly secured the neighbor's private parts in the vise on the workbench.
Still holding the gun to the man's head, he bent the handle of the vise with a crowbar. Putting the gun in his pocket, he then took out a very large hunting knife.
"Hey," yelled the neighbor in panic, "you're not gonna cut it off, are ya?"
"No," said the husband as he placed the knife on the workbench, "you are. I'm torching the garage."
A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.
He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.
A man gets up early Sunday morning
He goes downstairs, puts on his bike gear, takes his bike in the garage but when he opens the door he notices it is pouring. Bummed out, he puts his bike back, undresses, goes back upstairs and crawls back under the sheets, spoons his wife and whispers: "Awful weather outside" And his wife goes: "Ha ha ha and to think my husband is out there on his bike right now"