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Gambler Jokes

44 gambler jokes and hilarious gambler puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gambler that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready for a laugh? Check out this hilarious collection of jokes about gamblers, from bad poker players to compulsive powerball players dreaming of the big jackpot!

Funniest Gambler Short Jokes

Short gambler jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gambler humour may include short gambling jokes also.

  1. My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is... ...how to win her back.
  2. My girlfriend broke up with me because I am a compulsive gambler Ever since, all I can think about is how to win her back
  3. Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven? He heard it was a pair of dice.
    Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.
  4. A gambler hits the jackpot *What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?* - asks his wife.
    "31 black"
  5. I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting one time and let me tell you What a bunch of losers.
  6. What does your baby daddy have in common with an unlucky gambler? Neither of them pulled out in time.
  7. Listen, all I'm saying is the gambler's fallacy has been right every time so far. It has to be wrong sooner or later!
  8. So my wife and I need to go to Gamblers Anonymous because of our money problems I bet her twenty bucks I could finish all the steps before her. What are my odds?
  9. Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler... It got so bad that he went baroque.
    Sorry...
  10. What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline? No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this.

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Gambler One Liners

Which gambler one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gambler? I can suggest the ones about gamer and gambling problem.

  1. My wife has left me because I'm a gambler. How can I win her back?
  2. Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers. They're always raising the steaks.
  3. Why do gamblers feed their cows edibles? Because they like it when the steaks are high
  4. Why are farmers aggressive gamblers? Because they raise the steaks.
  5. Finally made the call to Gamblers Anonymous Bet them 3:1 they couldn't help me
  6. Why did the gambler buy a cattle ranch? Because he wanted to raise the steaks
  7. What's a gambler's favorite time of day? 10 to 1.
  8. What is it called when a heavy gambler goes on vacation? Paradice...
  9. Why did the gambler think he was in heaven? He found his pair a' dice!
  10. Why did the gambler buy Cows? Because he wanted to raise the Steaks.
  11. What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living? A bad gambler
  12. What did the depressed gambler say to his wife? I wanna die
  13. Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?
    He was a card shark.
  14. Contrary to popular belief vampires do like stakes They are great gamblers
  15. Have you heard about the sarcastic gambler? He was a real eye-roller!

Compulsive Gambler Jokes

Here is a list of funny compulsive gambler jokes and even better compulsive gambler puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do a cattle farmer and a compulsive gambler have in common? They're both interested in raising the stakes/steaks.
  • Did you hear about the compulsive gambler with diarrhea? Well, he lost.
Gambler joke, Did you hear about the compulsive gambler with diarrhea?

Cheeky Gambler Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about gambler you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gambler pranks.

Gambler

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."

Turns out, my new girlfriend is quite the gambler

What makes you say that?
Yesterday when we were having s**..., she suddenly says: wanna make this more interesting?

No such thing as a free yatch [Long]

A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that 
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed.
Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 
32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.

What's the single worst thing you can say to a gambler?

It's not about winning, it's about having fun

What did the first time gambler say to the dealer after being dealt an ace and a queen?

"I don't know how you know my name, but address me by the color of my skin again and we're gonna have problems."

Did you hear about the gambler who got busted for buying a large amount of w**...?

They say he was a high roller.

Why Did The Gambler Go To Asia?

Tibet...

What Did The Dying Gambler Say To His Wife?

"10 bucks says I don't need this oxygen tank"

Gambler joke, What Did The Dying Gambler Say To His Wife?