The Best 45 Gamble Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Gamble jokes. There are some gamble thursdays jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gamble mondays puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Gamble Jokes and Puns


A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."


Apple will be unveiling a larger iPad.

Proctor & Gamble is set to file suit over trademark infringements over Apple's new Max iPad.

A very life-battered looking hobo asks for some change from a guy coming from a bar

The guy asks "Are you going to use it for booze then?"

"No I will not, sir" says the hobo.

"Well will you gamble it then?" Asks the man.

"No I will not, sir"

"Well then you must come and show my wife what it does to a man if he doesn't drink or gamble!"

Gamble joke, A very life-battered looking hobo asks for some change from a guy coming from a bar

A gambler walked in to Mao Yings butcher shop

... and walked out immediately because the steaks were too high.

I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

Stop clicking on click-bait!

(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).

A gambler hits the jackpot

*What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?* - asks his wife.

"31 black"

Where do mathematicians go to gamble?

Sine city

Gamble joke, Where do mathematicians go to gamble?

You know what they say when you gamble with Chinese food,

you dim sum, you lose some.

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

What do you use to gamble on vacation?


Why did the gambler think he was in heaven?

He found his pair a' dice!

You can explore gamble dice reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gamble ante dad jokes. There are also gamble puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why don't monkeys gamble in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.

I was at the butchers the other day

And i thought while i'm there i'd have a gamble with the butcher. I bet him £10 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, he said "nah mate, i'm not taking that bet, the steaks are too high."

Why Did The Gambler Go To Asia?


What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

5/6 people agree...

...that Russian Roulette is a great way to gamble.

Gamble joke, 5/6 people agree...

The Oakland Raiders are moving to Las Vegas

I think that is quite a gamble.

Did you hear about the guy that got arrested in Vegas for helping people learn to gamble?

He was charged with aiding a betting.

School is like a dystopia

You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.

An economist, an accountant and a lawyer decided to gamble....

And that's how stock markets came into existence!!!

Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?

He heard it was a pair of dice.

Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.

How much did the vet gamble at the blackjack table?

He put down a pony.

An overseer of exams and a poker player go into business together.

They name their company:

Proctor and Gamble

Why are slot machines bad luck?

Because you can't gamble with your life in Las Vegas.

What do you call someone that doesn't eat animal products and loves to gamble?

A Las Vegan

My dad always said, "Never gamble and never sleep with a prostitute."

I thought, "They're the same thing."

Autoerotic asphyxiation is the biggest gamble

You don't know whether you're cuming or going

I lost over a hundred pounds last week

That's the last time I'll gamble in a British casino.

What's the best place for people with allergies to gamble?

Sneezer's Palace

Q: Where does a gambler refuel his car?

A: At Las Ve-gas.

I just walked out of the casino with $1000.

It's a good thing I don't gamble.

What happens when all the gamblers get their own gambling tool?

Everyone dice

I made a New Year's Resolution to not gamble for a year.

And I bet you $20 I can do it!

What do you call a Shakespearean gamble?

A Macbet.

Where to epileptics gamble?

Seizures palace

I started a new job

I started a new job ready to teach dealers black jack and Texas hold'em, but all i saw was diapers and detergent. I guess i went to the wrong Procter and Gamble.

Apparently getting into the bourbon industry is quite the gamble.

I heard it's whiskey business.

Living to 90

So a guy asks his doctor, "Do you think I'll live to 90?"

The doctor says, "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"


"Do you smoke?"


"Do you gamble?"


"Do you chase women?"


"Well," says the doctor, "let me ask you this: Why the hell do you want to live to 90?"

Why do farmers gamble so much?

They like raising steaks

What do you call 26 letters chipping in to make a big gamble?

An alpha bet.

What is the worst part of selling a casino?

Everything is a gamble.

Why did the gambler buy a cattle ranch?

Because he wanted to raise the steaks

Two farmers were betting on a horse race.

They put up some of their grain crops for the gamble. One of the farmers is better at math and so kept a tally. At the end of the day, the other farmer asked the first one if overall they had won or lost anything. The other one responded: "we lost, but just barley."

I just gambled the family boat away.

It cost me a yacht

I took a massive gamble and just sunk all my life savings into a Butcher shop on a blimp.

The steaks have never been higher!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gamble gambler jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gamble roulette piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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