The Best 51 Gallons Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Gallons jokes. There are some gallons water jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gallons gasoline puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Gallons Jokes and Puns
An Indian Chief drinks 1,000 gallons of ice tea
He drowned in his own tepee
Did you hear about the Native American chief who drank 50 gallons of Earl Grey?
He was found dead in the morning, drowned in his tee-pee.
Programmer husband
A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."
Did you hear about the Indian who drank 4 gallons of tea?
They found him dead the next day in his tea pee.
Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs
The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."
A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
Inspired by a recent ELI5: "Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres", I present this oldie...
Q: What comes in quarts?
.
.
A: Elephants
As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out
We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."
How did the Indian who drank a hundred gallons of Tea die?
In his Tea Pee.
What's grey and comes in gallons?
An elephant.
Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator
Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
You can explore gallons gal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gallons saltwater dad jokes. There are also gallons puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..
A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"
How much is a hospice?
About 10 gallons
Why don't blondes make kool-aide?
because they can't figure out how to put two gallons of water in that tiny little packet
I told my boss that I wanted a raise.
The boss, like a jackass, replied, "How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?"
"About five gallons of gasoline," I replied.
Did you here about the Blonde who made a large donation to the community swimming pool?
She gave 25 Gallons of water!
A man was spotted carrying several stolen flannel shirts and scarves, as well as two gallons of cider
when stopped by police the man claimed that he was "just a Fall guy"
Hitler was quite thirsty...
i hear he downed 6 million gallons of jewce
A programmer is heading out to the grocery store.
His wife tells him "get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 13 gallons of milk.
A man stuck in a traffic jam
some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "
A pelican can store 3 gallons of water in his beak.
Yet I don't see how the helican.
A friend of mine once chugged 2 straight gallons of milk
It was legendairy.
What happened to the Indian who drank 10 gallons of tea?
He drowned in his tea pee.
A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store...
She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."
How much do sperm donors make per week?
2 gallons...
Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…
You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…
What do you get when you drain a hot tub full of clowns?
Several gallons of laughing stock.
A wife sends her programmer husband to the store.
She says, "Buy a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
When the husband returns, he's carrying twelve gallons of milk?
"Why did you buy twelve gallons of milk" asks the wife.
"Because they had eggs" says the husband.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
LPTFI (Life Pro Tip For Idiots) Are you tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?
Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later...
If you're tired of boiling water for pasta
then boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later
How many gallons can fit inside the world cup?
A brazilian
A woman had a terrible skin disease
That covered her legs. She went to a dermatologist and he said
"What you have is very rare but easily cured. Take a bath in milk for 3 nights and it will go away."
The woman went home and called the local grocery store and said
"I would like to buy 40 gallons of milk to bathe in."
The man on the phone exclaimed "40 gallons pasturized!?"
She said "heavens no... Just past my waist."
A man is asked to go to the store by his wife
She tells him - buy me a gallon of milk, and if they have avocados, get me 6.
When man returns from the store, the wife asks him - why did you get 6 gallons of milk?
He replies, they had avocados
A man is walking on the interstate
He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."
A recent study found .....
........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years
Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!
I saw an old news story about an American Indian that drank 3 gallons of iced tea in one sitting.
Sadly, he ended up drowning in his own tea pee.
I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...
There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.
The width of a milk jug is 5.5"
Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches
93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet
Divided by 5280
1,475,694,444 Miles
Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units
You get 15.8 AU's.
You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.
Did you hear the one about the Indian man who drank 12 gallons of tea in one night?
He went to bed and the next morning, he was found dead in his teapee
A programmer
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
Have you heard of the Native American who drank 40 gallons of tea?
He was found dead in his teepee.
Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.
I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.
They went up to me and said, Congrats! You've won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!
And I said, So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?
The last thing my grandfather said to me was Pints! Litres! Gallons!
That spoke volumes.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
The last thing that my grandfather said before he died was Pints! Litres! Gallons!
That spoke volumes.
Blonde Woman Wants To Look Young Again
A blonde woman heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
The milkman read the note, and thought there must be a mistake. He asked the women if she meant 2.5 gallons.
The blonde woman said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want the milk to be pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."
The last thing my grandfather told me was Quarts! Litres! Gallons!
That spoke volumes.
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?
Jerry can.
During the 3 days of the Woodstock festival, over 400,000 people attended
The town of Bethel had prepared beforehand and many vendors gathered there to sell food, water, and other necessities.
It's estimated that 2.7 million gallons of water was sold over the weekend,
along with 750,000 cans of beer,
100,000 hot dogs,
15,000 pounds of granola,
and a bar of soap
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gallons liter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working gallons pint piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.