The Best 48 Gallon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Gallon jokes. There are some gallon barrel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gallon litre puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Gallon Jokes and Puns

A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.

The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."

The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."

There's a drunk guy in line at the grocery store...

The woman in front of him has a block of cheddar cheese, a half gallon of milk, and a dozen eggs.

He stumbles up to her and says, "Why, you must be single!"

Rather surprised, she looks at him and replies, "Yes, I am single! You could tell that just from what I'm buying?"

Without missing a beat, the drunk guy says, "No, it's 'cause you're fuckin' ugly!"

Programmer husband

A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."

Gallon joke, Programmer husband

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

If software developers made cars

They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.


Paint it green

A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."

I guess I've cut back on my drinking...

Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice.

Gallon joke, I guess I've cut back on my drinking...

3 new inmates discussing their sentences

first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for murder"

the other two ask him "what did you get?"

"20-life"

second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and rape"

"what did you get?"

"10-15"

third jailbird "i'm in for burning illegal immigrants"

"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"

A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery

She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."

The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.

You must be single.

A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."

A bucket goes to the doctor

The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.

The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."

"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."

The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."

You can explore gallon bushel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gallon sodas dad jokes. There are also gallon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I bought a gallon of Wite-Out the other day....

Big mistake.

I bought a 5 gallon drum of correction fluid the other day.

Big mistake.

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

My grandpa would always tell me...

that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator

Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

Gallon joke, Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator

I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day...

...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.

They also said it had to be mine.

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians

So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?

Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.


Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

A friend of mine died recently

A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.

A programmer is heading out to the grocery store.

His wife tells him "get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 13 gallons of milk.

Wife: "Can you pick up milk?"

Me: *lifts gallon*

"Yeah, it's easy."

Wife: "I mean from the store."

Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store...

She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."

One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

A wife sends her programmer husband to the store.

She says, "Buy a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

When the husband returns, he's carrying twelve gallons of milk?

"Why did you buy twelve gallons of milk" asks the wife.

"Because they had eggs" says the husband.

How do you make a cat go woof?

A gallon a of gas and some matches.

How many gallons can fit inside the world cup?

A brazilian

A man is asked to go to the store by his wife

She tells him - buy me a gallon of milk, and if they have avocados, get me 6.

When man returns from the store, the wife asks him - why did you get 6 gallons of milk?

He replies, they had avocados

Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me

How dairy!

A recent study found .....

........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day

I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants

My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.

Skim milk has never tasted so good.

A programmer

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The water. Butane is lighter fluid

Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

Which one is heavier? A gallon of water or butane?

A gallon of water because butane is lighter fluid.

Some guy threw a gallon of milk at my head

How dairy

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

A guy put a gallon each of strawberry, grape and apple flavored punch in a barrel, jumped in and rolled down a local hill. His friend asked, but why?

He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.

If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Some guy just threw a gallon of milk at me!

How dairy

This was udderly dumb, I should stop milking this

If you're down in the dumps and feeling really depressed, drink a gallon of water before going to bed.

It will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

In my day, I could walk into the grocery with a dime and walk out with a loaf of bread, half a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a pound of hamburger.

Nowadays they've got these newfangled cameras everywhere.

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.


^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke

What is the difference between an emo kid and a gallon of milk?

The milk won't hang itself after you dump it.

Back in my day, you could walk into a store with $25 and walk out with 2 ribeye steaks, a case of beer, a pack of toilet paper and a gallon of milk. You just can't do that anymore….

Too many cameras.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gallon syrup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gallon bottle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes