Following is our collection of funny Gallon jokes. There are some gallon barrel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gallon litre puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."
The woman in front of him has a block of cheddar cheese, a half gallon of milk, and a dozen eggs.
He stumbles up to her and says, "Why, you must be single!"
Rather surprised, she looks at him and replies, "Yes, I am single! You could tell that just from what I'm buying?"
Without missing a beat, the drunk guy says, "No, it's 'cause you're fuckin' ugly!"
A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."
They only come in quarts(z)
They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.
A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."
Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice.
first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for murder"
the other two ask him "what did you get?"
"20-life"
second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and rape"
"what did you get?"
"10-15"
third jailbird "i'm in for burning illegal immigrants"
"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
You can explore gallon bushel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gallon sodas dad jokes. There are also gallon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Big mistake.
Big mistake.
She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.
Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.
Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."
First post hope you like it. :)
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
His wife tells him "get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 13 gallons of milk.
Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"
She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
She says, "Buy a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
When the husband returns, he's carrying twelve gallons of milk?
"Why did you buy twelve gallons of milk" asks the wife.
"Because they had eggs" says the husband.
A gallon a of gas and some matches.
A brazilian
She tells him - buy me a gallon of milk, and if they have avocados, get me 6.
When man returns from the store, the wife asks him - why did you get 6 gallons of milk?
He replies, they had avocados
How dairy!
........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!
I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
Skim milk has never tasted so good.
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
The water. Butane is lighter fluid
A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
A gallon of water because butane is lighter fluid.
How dairy
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
How dairy
This was udderly dumb, I should stop milking this
It will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Nowadays they've got these newfangled cameras everywhere.
The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke
The milk won't hang itself after you dump it.
Too many cameras.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gallon syrup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working gallon bottle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.