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Gaining Weight Jokes

94 gaining weight jokes and hilarious gaining weight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gaining weight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Gaining Weight Short Jokes

Short gaining weight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gaining weight humour may include short putting on weight jokes also.

  1. There's a new COVID-19 strain that's causing people to gain massive amounts of weight. The om-nom-nom-icron variant.
  2. After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says... "I look forward to seeing you in it".
    So for his birthday I bought him a coffin.
  3. My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
  4. Why do women gain weight after they get married? Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.
  5. I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain. Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.
  6. My girlfriend has been gaining weight so I sat her down in the living room to talk to her. I said "We need to talk about the elephant in the room"
  7. My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much. I'm fed up.
  8. My doctor told me I've really grown as a person! Well, her exact words were that I "Gained Weight"
  9. When do you know when your girlfriend has gained weight? When she fits into your wife's clothes.
  10. A microbiologist quit caring about his own health. He started gaining a lot of weight. He's a biologist now.

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Gaining Weight One Liners

Which gaining weight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gaining weight? I can suggest the ones about weight gain and gaining.

  1. To the guy who stole my weight loss pills.. You'll have nothing to gain.
  2. Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
  3. What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
  4. Yo momma's so fat ...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.
  5. My miniature Siberian dog is gaining weight too fast. He's a little Husky.
  6. Elton John's gained a notable amount of weight lately. Goodbye, normal jeans.
  7. When do Asians gain the most weight? When their dog dies
  8. A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight He was trying to make a four chin
  9. I hate having to gain weight to play a role... and then remembering I'm not an actor.
  10. Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain.
  11. I don't understand why I'm still gaining weight... ...I've added a salad to every meal
  12. Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back? The mall is hiring new Santas.
  13. Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!
  14. What food makes women gain weight fastest? Wedding cake.
  15. I've gained a lot of weight Since birth

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about gaining weight can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of gaining weight puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing & Witty Gaining Weight Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about gaining weight you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean losing weight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make gaining weight prank.

Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t? The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

Found out my wife gained weight...

When she sat on my face I couldn't hear the stereo anymore...

Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?

>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>30 pounds.
This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?
----

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

My girlfriend told me she was retaining water and gaining weight...

I told her not to sweat it.

What did the call of duty player say to his girlfriend about gaining weight?

EX SO FAT

Why do Texans gain so much weight?

Because they always "Remember the à la mode."

Gaining weight from drinking so much water?

Drink lighter fluid

Did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner gaining weight?

She was eating too much trans fat.

A vegan diet is not healthier!

I've eaten nothing but Oreos this month, and I've gained weight.

How do you make a girl gain weight?

Marry her.

I dated a blind girl but it didn't work out

We could never see eye to eye about her weight gaining

Please Jesus, I pray to you.............

I pray to you again, stop confusing what I'm asking you..... I asked to lose weight and gain money, not the other way around.

Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight

Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.
Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?
Husband: On your mouth.

What's the leading cause of weight gain in women?

Marriage

After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight

I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.

Why do guys gain weight after marriage?

Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight.

She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes.

How fast do fat people gain weight?

Two-folds the normal rate.

I'm not gaining weight.

I'm losing wavelength

Whether you're losing or gaining weight this year, remember, CICO

One day, you might get surprised in the shower.

If body builders religiously try to gain weight..

Does that mean they go to the gym for mass?

Scientific research recently revealed....

Evidence that female hormones are present in beer. A group of men were given six pints of beer each. One hundred percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

Your mom gained so much weight

that her tattoos redshifted.

A girl once told me I was the reason she was gaining weight

Needless to say we didn't work out

Today we'll be discussing near-death experiences

and why not to talk to your wife or girlfriend about weight gain.

Honey, do you think I gained weight?

No, I think the living room got smaller.

If Chance the Rapper gained weight, what would we call him?

Chance the snacker.

If you have a fear of gaining weight this christmas remember to drink alcohol before eating.

It takes away the fear.

Since I've gained a lot of weight, I decided to name my stomach Budapest

The capital of Hungary

What if Emma Watson gained some weight?

A friend came over to mine and my girlfriend's house.

As soon as we let him in, I could see by the shock in his eyes that he'd noticed my girlfriend's tremendous weight gain. He leant in and whispered to me, "What happened to her!? She must weigh about 7 tonnes!"
I just turned to him and shook my head vigorously in defiance.
I didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

On average women gain weight if they're married

When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.

If you are afraid of gaining weight

then just take a shot of liquor before dinner. Alcohol can numb your sense of fear.

One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.

Notorious BFG.

Women are suddenly interested in me now that I gained weight and lost my hair

If I knew so many women were into bald guys I woulda lost my hair years ago!

Why did the herpetologist gain weight?

They just sit watching a monitor all day.

What do you call weight lifting on Wall Street?

Capital gains

To prepare for her UK vacation, the blonde went on a high-calorie weight gain diet.

She'd heard she could pay for things there in pounds.

Only amateurs gain weight during the holidays

Us, professionals gain weight during the entire year.

My weight-gain parcels have just arrived and I'm feeling really jittery. I might have to go and see a doctor.

I think I've got the shakes.

When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine?

The Covid-19

My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie....

IBS.

Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of s**... drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

A new competition!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'"

I matched with a g**... Tinder

She asked, "how tall are you?"
I replied, "5'10, how much do you weigh?"
She got angry and said, "That's body shaming, it's hard to lose weight!"
I laughed and said, "it's harder for me to gain height!"

Those who are afraid of gaining weight, should drink a shot of whiskey before every meal…

alcohol reduces fear.

Due to recent changes, 50 cent has changed his citizenship to the UK.

After experiencing weight gain, he is being converted to UK currency and will now be known as "50 pounds".

The wife's weight gain, through overeating and laziness, had become the final straw in an already strained relationship and I decided I would just have to kill her.

I hid in the kitchen, knowing it wouldn't be long before she turned up looking to raid the fridge. And sure enough, she soon came waddling in.
I leapt out from behind a cupboard, arm raised, brandishing a huge knife..
"OH MY GOD!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Are we having cake?"

A man is frustrated with his wife gaining a little weight

He tells her, Maybe you should wash your clothes in slim fast since you won't try anything else.
The wife goes to bed angry. The next morning when the husband puts on his underwear, it's full of powder. He asks his wife why she put baby powder in his underwear.
She replies, It's not baby powder, it's miracle grow .

A wife says to her husband, "Have a gained to much weight since we met?"

The husband honestly answers, "Oh, maybe just a fraction more than I'd like." The wife asks, "I thought so too. How *much* of a fraction?" The husband again answers honestly, "I'd rather not say. It would be improper."

jokes about gaining weight

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these gaining weight jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.