The Best 35 Gaining Weight Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Gaining Weight jokes. There are some gaining weight muscle mass jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gaining weight exert puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Gaining Weight Jokes and Puns

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.

"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

Why do guys gain weight after marriage?

Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says...

"I look forward to seeing you in it".

So for his birthday I bought him a coffin.

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.


To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight?

Wedding Cake.

Why do women gain weight after they get married?

Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.

I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain.

Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.

You can explore gaining weight gained reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gaining weight weigh dad jokes. There are also gaining weight puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

On average women gain weight if they're married

When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.

Yo momma's so fat

...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.

My girlfriend has been gaining weight so I sat her down in the living room to talk to her.

I said "We need to talk about the elephant in the room"

My miniature Siberian dog is gaining weight too fast.

He's a little Husky.

My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much.

I'm fed up.

When do Asians gain the most weight?

When their dog dies

A new competition!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'"


My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie....

IBS.

A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight

He was trying to make a four chin

I hate having to gain weight to play a role...

and then remembering I'm not an actor.

A girl once told me I was the reason she was gaining weight

Needless to say we didn't work out

Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan?

Make America's Weight A Gain.

Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight

Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.

Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?

Husband: On your mouth.

A friend came over to mine and my girlfriend's house.

As soon as we let him in, I could see by the shock in his eyes that he'd noticed my girlfriend's tremendous weight gain. He leant in and whispered to me, "What happened to her!? She must weigh about 7 tonnes!"

I just turned to him and shook my head vigorously in defiance.

I didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room.

My weight-gain parcels have just arrived and I'm feeling really jittery. I might have to go and see a doctor.

I think I've got the shakes.

After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight

I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Today we'll be discussing near-death experiences

and why not to talk to your wife or girlfriend about weight gain.

Scientific research recently revealed....

Evidence that female hormones are present in beer. A group of men were given six pints of beer each. One hundred percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

If body builders religiously try to gain weight..

Does that mean they go to the gym for mass?

I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight.

She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes.

Gaining Weight?

...It's a piece of cake!

If you are afraid of gaining weight

then just take a shot of liquor before dinner. Alcohol can numb your sense of fear.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gaining weight 21 grams jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gaining weight lose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes