The Best 81 Gain Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Gain jokes. There are some gain acquire jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gain gaining a little weight puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Gain Jokes and Puns

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?

>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

>30 pounds.

This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?


America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, Stupid Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!

Gain joke, America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

My Pi Day joke

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".

The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.

So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

Yo momma's so fat

...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.

Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

I guess you could say their work is Pro-Bonobo.

Gain joke, Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

Gaining Weight?

...It's a piece of cake!

In his quest to gain more power, the mad scientist extended his hours at the lab.

This is after he discovered that power is work overtime.

What does a rich fat Englishman gain?

Lots of Pounds.

I hate it when you gain 10 pounds for a role...

And then remember that you're not an actor.

You can explore gain obtain reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gain anguish dad jokes. There are also gain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why do Texans gain so much weight?

Because they always "Remember the à la mode."

Gaining weight from drinking so much water?

Drink lighter fluid

How do you make a girl gain weight?

Marry her.

When I was young, losing teeth would earn me money.

Now I'm old, earning money will gain me teeth.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Gain joke, Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

Please Jesus, I pray to you.............

I pray to you again, stop confusing what I'm asking you..... I asked to lose weight and gain money, not the other way around.

It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail

I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions

Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan?

Make America's Weight A Gain.

A low level member in a clan of cannibals gave some of his food... the leader of the clan, in order to gain his favor.

It cost an arm and a leg, but it was worth it.

My Twitter Followers are like my hair...

...Everyday I lose more than what I gain

Why do guys gain weight after marriage?

Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight.

She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes.

We could have five more trumps running and still no one would gain.

All we'd have is six pence, and none the richer

How fast do fat people gain weight?

Two-folds the normal rate.

I'm not gaining weight.

I'm losing wavelength

Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese."

"Do you understand what this means?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."

I have a great idea for a business.

Combination nair and rogaine, I'll call it no gain.

Facebook is like an Emotion Bank

People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest.

If body builders religiously try to gain weight..

Does that mean they go to the gym for mass?

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight?

Wedding Cake.

What is the motto of a french baker?

no pain no gain

Have you ever heard the joke about drifting?

No, because it failed to gain traction.

Why is it bad to eat unhealthy snacks while queue'd up?

Because the line will gain wait.

Why do women gain weight after they get married?

Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.

Today we'll be discussing near-death experiences

and why not to talk to your wife or girlfriend about weight gain.

i calculated my BMI recently, and i realised i need to

gain several inches

What food makes women gain weight fastest?

Wedding cake.

Why did the deaf woman gain hearing after being earfucked?

She contracted hearing AIDS.

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

When do Asians gain the most weight?

When their dog dies

Upon gaining sentience, a donut was quoted as saying:

"There are dozens of us!"

Since I've gained a lot of weight, I decided to name my stomach Budapest

The capital of Hungary

I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain.

Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.

A friend came over to mine and my girlfriend's house.

As soon as we let him in, I could see by the shock in his eyes that he'd noticed my girlfriend's tremendous weight gain. He leant in and whispered to me, "What happened to her!? She must weigh about 7 tonnes!"

I just turned to him and shook my head vigorously in defiance.

I didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room.

How do architects, engineers and male pornstars gain fame?

Through their erections.

My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much.

I'm fed up.

On average women gain weight if they're married

When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.

Today, the United States began to silence an influential African American icon

Never again will we hear the words of More gain, Free man

Why do some blondes dye their hair?

To gain themselves some artificial intelligence.

New routine

Recently my mate started doing his morning workout on the 5:30 service from Norwich to London Liverpool Street.

I asked him why.

He said, "no train, no gain".

What is the difference between a sperm bank and a savings bank.

A savings bank you make a deposit and gain interest, a sperm bank you make a deposit and lose interest.

If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds.

Only works if American.

How to gain Karma

ctrl + c

ctrl + v

A blind man walks into a sculpture store.

He'd been planning a heist targetting the jewellery store beside it. Fumbling around to gain his bearings, he eventually comes into contact with a statue of a woman, to which he finally exclaims, "Well, this is a bust!"

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

If you puke up your lunch...

you have a net 0, but a gross gain.

Gaining respect through fear is the same as gaining followers on Instagram by unfollowing a bunch of people:

it just isn't real.

I've gained a lot of weight

Since birth

What's the difference between the American Red Cross and your unemployed sibling?

When they American Red Cross bleeds you dry, you actually gain money.

How do you call it when someone uses someone else's work to gain attention?


To prepare for her UK vacation, the blonde went on a high-calorie weight gain diet.

She'd heard she could pay for things there in pounds.

The most successful people are torture victims

because no pain no gain.

Being an amplifier must be horrible.

No pain, no gain.

To all the Android users who just can't seem to gain administrator access to their devices on their own:

We're rooting for you!

An idiot goes walking through the woods...

After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.

The Lord said: "come forth and gain eternal life"

But instead he came fifth and won a toaster

"Come forth and gain eternal life" said God

Dave came fifth and won a toaster

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You've taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

How did Slovakia gain independence?

By bouncing a czech.

As the french say... bread no gain.

Do you know how when you go to college you gain the freshman 20lbs?

Well, I've got the COVID 19

The COVID-19

The 19 in COVID-19 must stand for how many pounds we will gain while in quarantine. I feel bad for all the college freshmen out there.

When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine?

The Covid-19

Thanos was struggling to gain infinite wisdom

So, one day he goes to one of the strongest avengers alives, Vision, and he says,

"Hey, can I pick your brain?"

My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie....


I hate having to gain weight to play a role...

and then remembering I'm not an actor.

So I was asked by my friends about how to gain karma fast in reddit.

So I smiled and did this once in a year post.

What does the Mandalorian say after he starts a new diet to gain more muscle?

This is the whey.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gain win jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gain regain piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes