Future Jokes
184 future jokes and hilarious future puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about future that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A fun look into the future - explore what might be the norm with these hilarious jokes about the future! From future spouses and partners, to futuristic tech, to the Jetsons and more - it's all here. Find out what's funny about the future and see if you can future-proof your own laughter!
Quick Jump To
- Short Future Jokes
- Future One Liners
- Back To The Future Jokes
- Past Present Future Jokes
- Future Tense Jokes
- Predict The Future Jokes
- Future Wife Jokes
- More Future Jokes
Funniest Future Short Jokes
Short future jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The future humour may include short forecast jokes also.
- How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. - A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him - How long have you suffered from that condition?
The guy tells him - Since next Monday. - Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
- I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office. It improved my outlook.
- When I'm at a bar I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
- TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
- I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts... 0-0
- I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
- JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car He becomes the ManDeLorean
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Future One Liners
Which future one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with future? I can suggest the ones about past and potential.
- A history degree is useless There's no future in it.
- I can see six years into the future. I must have 2020 vision.
- So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
- Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth. And then you'll all be sorry.
- What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller.
- i hope people on September 2nd 1885 were flipping out on Back to the Future Part III day
- I can see 6 years into the future. Thanks to my 2020 vision.
- Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words
- Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's the future
- Will glass coffins be popular in future? Remains to be seen.
- I can see 3 years into the future I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.
- What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future? A four-chin teller
- A history degree is useless Because there's no future in it.
- The Past, the future and the present walked into a bar An things got tense
- The Past, The Present, and The Future walk into a bar It was tense.
Back To The Future Jokes
Here is a list of funny back to the future jokes and even better back to the future puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Back in the days when the guillotine was first used people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?
- My girlfriend finally watched Back To The Future. It's about time.
- Step 1: Travel back in time Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Prophet - If I had the time machine from back to the future I wouldn't drive it much.... I'd only drive it from time to time.
- Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.
- I just heard Back to the Future was getting a re-release at the cinema. It's about time.
- Whenever I reach 88 mph in my car, I always make a Back to the Future time traveling sound effect inside my head... ...and that's usually followed by a police siren sound effect outside my car.
- Two chemists are hanging out at a bar after work... One gets up to go home and says "future copper". Puzzled, the other gazes back for a moment before the first clarifies, "Cu later"
- There's a new Back to the Future sequel coming out It's about time.
- There's finally a new Back to the Future movie... It's about time.
Past Present Future Jokes
Here is a list of funny past present future jokes and even better past present future puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it. So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense. - birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
- Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it." "And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
- The past, the future, and the present all walked into a bar at the same time. It was tense.
- The past, present and future walk into a room. It got all tense.
- Buddhist birthday wishes Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one. - The Past, The Present, and The Future walk into a bar. The situation was tense.
- The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
- The Past, Present, and Future unexpectedly meet in a bar ... It was a very tense situation!
- The past, present, and future walk into a bar It was tense.
Future Tense Jokes
Here is a list of funny future tense jokes and even better future tense puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The past, the present and the future had a meeting. It was tense in there.
- What's the future tense of England? Brexit.
- Teacher and Student * Teacher said the students to convert the sentence "I killed a person" into future tense.
* Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "I will go to jail"! - The past, present and future got into a fight Things got pretty tense
- The past, present and the future started fighting. It was in*tense*
- Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar at the same time The encounter was is will be tense.
- Tomorrow I learned... How to speak in the future tense.
- English class...... Teacher.
One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it??
student.
Future impossible tense. - So the past, present and future walk into a bar Things got a little tense
- The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together. What a tense atmosphere.
Predict The Future Jokes
Here is a list of funny predict the future jokes and even better predict the future puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes. I said "I knew it!!"
- What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future? Non-prophet.
- I can predict the future! You're about to be disappointed.
- [On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won't you? Her: Yes.
Me: I knew it!! - If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.
- Orange is the New Black predicted the future… Just take a look at our President and you'll see what I mean.
- What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future? A four-chin teller.
- What do you call a table that knows the future? A predictable!
- Past, Future and Present Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one. - Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long?
Because Captain Picard uses an android.
Future Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny future wife jokes and even better future wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog
- I asked a fortune teller the name of my future wife. I have no idea what kind of name is "Yorhand". Sounds Swedish though.
- I met my future wife in a dark room Everything just developed from there
- I don't waste my money on mobile games, microtransactions, cosmetic game skins and so on... I save my money for more important things in life, like donating to my future wife on Twitch.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - After 10 years, I've finally been able to accept my wife for who she is. ...not my future wife.
- A man exclaims to his wife, "I can see 6 years into the future..." "Thanks to my 2020 vision!"
His wife replies, "How long have you been waiting to use that joke?"
He happily says, "Since 2009!" - I told my future wife that I inherited the family's sewage treatment business. She said: "you must be filthy rich"
To which I replied: "mostly, except for being rich" - Where does a c**... meet his future wife? Family reunion.
Laughable Future Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about future you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incoming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make future pranks.
I had a terrible dream of a dystopian future where robots controlled every aspect of our lives.
Luckily, I was awakened by my Tesla.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
Why are there no black people in "The Jetsons"
Because it's going to be a great future.
At the end of a job interview, the employer asks the future employee
"So, do you have any questions regarding the company ?"
"How many people are working here ?" "well, i hope that at least half of them are."
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
A man goes to a fortune teller...
..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from s**.... Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf h**..., the boy replies.
Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.
Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.
Why do Asians have s**... eyes?
because their future is so bright
Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...
...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."
If I could see 5 years into the future...
would I still have 2020 vision?
I went to go see a psychic the other day..
I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.
Putin decides to invade Poland
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of v**... in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.
I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.
Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.
A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.
He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."
Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains
A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,
Jimmy! I am you from the future!
Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?
A p**...... he replied, locking the door.
A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in
"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"
Billy was sleeping in his room
Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.
Billy asked ''Who are you?''
The man responded with "I'm you from the future"
Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.
He asked his older self "What will I be when I grow up?"
The older Billy locked the door and said "A p**..."
What do you call a time traveler who m**... in the future?
A blast from the past.
What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Think about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth.
It's unsettling
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
What did Iron Man say when War Machine asked to come with him to the future?
Rhodes? Where we're going, we don't need Rhodes.
Today, I saw a black guy wave to an Asian from across the street. It gives me hope for the future...
Rush Hour 4!
My dad told me that the future was in my hands
Didn't know that the future was 9 inches long
Tobacco companies kill their best customers
And c**... companies kill their future customers.
I almost accepted a job as a museum historian
but then I realized there's no future in it.
Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future?
I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.
True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.
Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.
I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like!
[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek?
Dad: Cause it's the future son
After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a s**... predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.
Unless he runs for President of the United States.
A psychologist asked his client what was troubling him.
"Well, doc, I think I can see into the future."
"Into the future?" the doctor said, intrigued. "When did this start?"
"Next Monday."
I'm not worried about a future where my kids are addicted to EA's micro transactions
Because there's no way I'll be paying for Verizon's internet gaming add on
I was going to give my family a cat for Christmas,
Unfortunately it died before the 25th... I guess it makes it a future present that passed.
Old but good joke...
Why did the blind man run into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
(My future children are gonna love me)
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
What was the name of the physician who could smell the future?
Nostrildamus
I made it myself and was proud enough to post it! :)
I'm from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming
Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.
If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 ball
You can see the future. My brother did and immediately looked at me, said he was going to die, and then he died
What is something the make a wish foundation can't give the children?
A future
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.
That's unsettling
My uncle once got his DeLorean up to 88 mph, and ended up 30 years in the future.
That's how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.
So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to c**....
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.
The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
What's Karen's favorite song
Mask off by future
People these days recoil at the idea of brain transplants becoming possible in the near future.
Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.
