Future Wife Jokes
25 future wife jokes and hilarious future wife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about future wife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Future Wife Short Jokes
Short future wife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The future wife humour may include short future husband jokes also.
- I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
- The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog
- I asked a fortune teller the name of my future wife. I have no idea what kind of name is "Yorhand". Sounds Swedish though.
- I don't waste my money on mobile games, microtransactions, cosmetic game skins and so on... I save my money for more important things in life, like donating to my future wife on Twitch.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - After 10 years, I've finally been able to accept my wife for who she is. ...not my future wife.
- A man exclaims to his wife, "I can see 6 years into the future..." "Thanks to my 2020 vision!"
His wife replies, "How long have you been waiting to use that joke?"
He happily says, "Since 2009!" - I told my future wife that I inherited the family's sewage treatment business. She said: "you must be filthy rich"
To which I replied: "mostly, except for being rich"
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Future Wife One Liners
Which future wife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with future wife? I can suggest the ones about fiancee and beautiful wife.
- I met my future wife in a dark room Everything just developed from there
- Where does a c**... meet his future wife? Family reunion.
Future Wife Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about future wife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make future wife pranks.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.
The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
The devil appears before a lawyer and promises to ensure that he wins every case he takes for the rest of his life.
Lawyer says: It's always about a deal right? What's in it for you? Devil says: I want your soul, your wife's, your son's, and the souls of any more children you have in the future. Lawyer pauses, thinks for a moment, and responds: But what's the catch?
A man wants to know about his future
He heads over to the most renown Gypsy card reader in the country.
"Please, what does my future hold for me?"
"Mmmmmmmm the cards tell me your ex-wife will be involved in a terrible accident!" Yelled the Gypsy.
The man rolls his eyes and says:
"....Yes, yes I know, but is there gonna be any evidence against me?!?"
A husband and wife, both 86 years old, get interviewed by the local paper
for the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary. The journalist asks the woman what she hopes their future might hold, and she says
"Oh, I'd like for us to live to 100 together."
The journalist asks the man, who says
"I hope to live to 101."
"Why's that?" asks the journalist.
"All I want is to have one year of peace and quiet."
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time...
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time. Her father is a heart surgeon. At one point in the evening, the father pulls the man aside and says, "There is something you should know about Saanvi before you wed. I am her doctor as well as her father and you need to know that she has acute angina."
To which the future husband replies, "Oh thank the gods, because her face is pretty ugly."
v**... in the sink joke
A bride-to-be is stressing out over the fact that she’s not a v**..., but she’s told her future husband she is. She has no idea what to do and is talking to her friends about it, when one of the friends pipes up and says,
“Here’s what you do — buy some liver, stick it up there, and everything will be nice and tight and your husband will never know.”
So, the bride-to-be follows the advice, and on the wedding night, the newlywed couple has crazy s**... all over the place. On the kitchen counter, on the living room floor, all over the house. But when she wakes up in the morning, her new husband is gone, and all she finds is a note pinned to the pillow, which reads:
“Dearest, I’m sorry, but I’ve thought things over and I just don’t think things will work out between us. I had a wonderful time, but I’m sorry, I’ve thought about it, and we just weren’t meant to be. P.S. — Your v**... is in the sink.”
moral of the story
A man is in the bar talking to his friend about what happened to him the other night. He tells the story of how he went home, and his fiancee's younger sister was waiting for him in l**.... The sister told him what she wanted him to do to her in graphic detail.
The man froze for a second and then open the door and walked out. His future in\-laws were waiting outside and told him that this was a test of his faithfulness to his future wife.
The man told his friend that the moral of the story was to keep your condoms in your car.
The innocent one
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future
would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I
don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children",
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside
and says
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".