Following is our collection of funny Future jokes. There are some future clairvoyant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these future back to the future puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Luckily, I was awakened by my Tesla.
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
It improved my outlook.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
Because it's going to be a great future.
So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.
It was tense.
You can explore future tense reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean future forthcoming dad jokes. There are also future puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I must have 2020 vision.
Thanks to my 2020 vision.
because their future is so bright
...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."
A 4chan teller.
would I still have 2020 vision?
I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.
Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.
Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.
He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."
"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"
Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.
Billy asked ''Who are you?''
The man responded with "I'm you from the future"
Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.
He asked his older self "What will I be when I grow up?"
The older Billy locked the door and said "A paedophile"
A blast from the past.
Because it's the future
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
It's unsettling
Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
Rush Hour 4!
Didn't know that the future was 9 inches long
It got all tense.
A four-chin teller
Mark my words
Remains to be seen.
And condom companies kill their future customers.
but then I realized there's no future in it.
I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.
I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.
Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog
[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
Dad: Cause it's the future son
Unless he runs for President of the United States.
Unfortunately it died before the 25th... I guess it makes it a future present that passed.
"And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
Why did the blind man run into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
(My future children are gonna love me)
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.
You can see the future. My brother did and immediately looked at me, said he was going to die, and then he died
A future
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
Don't you mean across?
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
That's how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to crash.
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?
And then you'll all be sorry.
The doctor asks him - How long have you suffered from that condition?
The guy tells him - Since next Monday.
Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one.
It was tense.
Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
I stole this from one of [elee0228](/u/elee0228) comments.
...says, Sir, we have a man outside who can tell the future. Putin says, Have him shot. If he could tell the future, he wouldn't have come.
I said "I knew it!!"
I didn't get you one.
It was tense.
An things got tense
After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"
One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.
Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are hugging each other, continues the fortune teller.
And they shake my hands? Trump interrupts again.
No, the coffin is closed.
Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.
Because there's no future in it.
There's no future in it.
It's a ***karma***\-seeking post.
People told me there's no future in it.
In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.
Bet she didn't see that coming.
It was a very tense situation!
My dad said, But there's no future in it.
He becomes the ManDeLorean
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the future administrator jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working future prospective piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.