The Best 92 Future Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Future jokes. There are some future clairvoyant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these future back to the future puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Future Jokes and Puns
I had a terrible dream of a dystopian future where robots controlled every aspect of our lives.
Luckily, I was awakened by my Tesla.
How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.
It improved my outlook.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
Why are there no black people in "The Jetsons"
Because it's going to be a great future.
I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it.
So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.
Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.
So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
You can explore future tense reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean future forthcoming dad jokes. There are also future puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I can see six years into the future.
I must have 2020 vision.
I can see 6 years into the future.
Thanks to my 2020 vision.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
because their future is so bright
Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...
...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."
What do you call a hacker who can see the future?
A 4chan teller.
If I could see 5 years into the future...
would I still have 2020 vision?
I went to go see a psychic the other day..
I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.
TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.
Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.
i hope people on September 2nd 1885 were flipping out on Back to the Future Part III day
I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.
Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.
A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.
He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."
A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in
"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"
Billy was sleeping in his room
Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.
Billy asked ''Who are you?''
The man responded with "I'm you from the future"
Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.
He asked his older self "What will I be when I grow up?"
The older Billy locked the door and said "A paedophile"
What do you call a time traveler who masturbated in the future?
A blast from the past.
Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?
Because it's the future
What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.
Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
Think about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth.
It's unsettling
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
My dad told me that the future was in my hands
Didn't know that the future was 9 inches long
The past, present and future walk into a room.
It got all tense.
What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future?
A four-chin teller
Highlighter pens are the future...
Mark my words
Will glass coffins be popular in future?
Remains to be seen.
Tobacco companies kill their best customers
And condom companies kill their future customers.
I almost accepted a job as a museum historian
but then I realized there's no future in it.
When I'm at a bar
I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
I can see 3 years into the future
I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.
Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future?
I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.
The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child
Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog
I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like!
[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife.
The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek?
Dad: Cause it's the future son
After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.
Unless he runs for President of the United States.
I was going to give my family a cat for Christmas,
Unfortunately it died before the 25th... I guess it makes it a future present that passed.
Uncle came over for Christmas, and told me these wisdoms: "Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it."
"And forget the present, I didn't get you one."
Old but good joke...
Why did the blind man run into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
(My future children are gonna love me)
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
I'm from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming
Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.
If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 ball
You can see the future. My brother did and immediately looked at me, said he was going to die, and then he died
What is something the make a wish foundation can't give the children?
A future
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
My uncle once got his DeLorean up to 88 mph, and ended up 30 years in the future.
That's how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.
So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to crash.
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.
The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
Back in the days when the guillotine was first used
people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?
Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth.
And then you'll all be sorry.
A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future.
The doctor asks him - How long have you suffered from that condition?
The guy tells him - Since next Monday.
The Past, The Present, and The Future walk into a bar
It was tense.
People these days recoil at the idea of brain transplants becoming possible in the near future.
Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
Man comes up to Putin
...says, Sir, we have a man outside who can tell the future. Putin says, Have him shot. If he could tell the future, he wouldn't have come.
I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.
I said "I knew it!!"
birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present...
I didn't get you one.
The past, the future, and the present all walked into a bar at the same time.
It was tense.
The Past, the future and the present walked into a bar
An things got tense
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"
Hitler used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...
One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."
How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?
"Do you know what day I'm going to die?"
Of course.
"Well, what day am I going to die?"
Sir, you are going to die on a Jewish holiday.
"Mein gott! That's terrible. What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
Any day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday.
Trump comes to the fortune teller
Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are hugging each other, continues the fortune teller.
And they shake my hands? Trump interrupts again.
No, the coffin is closed.
A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma
Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.
A history degree is useless
Because there's no future in it.
A history degree is useless
There's no future in it.
In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves ...
In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.
I went to see a psychic the other day. I asked her if I was going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.
Bet she didn't see that coming.
JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car
He becomes the ManDeLorean
I broke my leg in two places and my doctor said...
"I recommend you stay away from both those places in future."
I think I cracked the overweight problem
# I think I cracked the overweight problem
Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do, I ordered a new weighing scale from Amazon. I was waiting this entire week for it to arrive. It finally arrived today. I just weighed myself, it's 69 now. I'm so proud of myself and the metric system.
I don't waste my money on mobile games, microtransactions, cosmetic game skins and so on...
I save my money for more important things in life, like donating to my future wife on Twitch.
A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, "I believe I can see into the future"
The shrink asks, "When did this start?"
"Next Tuesday"
why do monarchs feel so important?
Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.
The devil appears before a lawyer and promises to ensure that he wins every case he takes for the rest of his life.
Lawyer says: It's always about a deal right? What's in it for you? Devil says: I want your soul, your wife's, your son's, and the souls of any more children you have in the future. Lawyer pauses, thinks for a moment, and responds: But what's the catch?
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
Putin goes to fortune teller to find out his future.
She says:
"I see you on the car, arriving to a parade, there's an enormous crowd, they're crying for happiness when they see you, everybody is happy".
"Great! I'll lead the parade, who I will handshake with?"
"Nobody, your coffin will be closed".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the future administrator puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working future prospective piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.