Future Husband Jokes
15 future husband jokes and hilarious future husband puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about future husband that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Future Husband Short Jokes
Short future husband jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The future husband humour may include short future wife jokes also.
- A woman visits an astrologer Astrologer: Would you like me to tell you your husband's future?
Woman: No you tell me his past, I'll decide his future. - An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future... To which she replied, "I decide his future, tell me about his past"
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - Monk to a Lady: Do you want to know your husband's future? Lady: No that I can decide , tell me about his past.
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Future Husband Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about future husband you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wife hubby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make future husband pranks.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
A husband and wife, both 86 years old, get interviewed by the local paper
for the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary. The journalist asks the woman what she hopes their future might hold, and she says
"Oh, I'd like for us to live to 100 together."
The journalist asks the man, who says
"I hope to live to 101."
"Why's that?" asks the journalist.
"All I want is to have one year of peace and quiet."
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time...
An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time. Her father is a heart surgeon. At one point in the evening, the father pulls the man aside and says, "There is something you should know about Saanvi before you wed. I am her doctor as well as her father and you need to know that she has acute angina."
To which the future husband replies, "Oh thank the gods, because her face is pretty ugly."
v**... in the sink joke
A bride-to-be is stressing out over the fact that she’s not a v**..., but she’s told her future husband she is. She has no idea what to do and is talking to her friends about it, when one of the friends pipes up and says,
“Here’s what you do — buy some liver, stick it up there, and everything will be nice and tight and your husband will never know.”
So, the bride-to-be follows the advice, and on the wedding night, the newlywed couple has crazy s**... all over the place. On the kitchen counter, on the living room floor, all over the house. But when she wakes up in the morning, her new husband is gone, and all she finds is a note pinned to the pillow, which reads:
“Dearest, I’m sorry, but I’ve thought things over and I just don’t think things will work out between us. I had a wonderful time, but I’m sorry, I’ve thought about it, and we just weren’t meant to be. P.S. — Your v**... is in the sink.”
Never seek advice from a man..
I am a lady aged 26, and my husband is 34. I left my husband with the maid and our baby at home. After driving for just about 2km from home, my car engine started to over heat. So I had to return and get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I Don't know what to do. Please help me!!!
*Advice:*
Over heating of the engine after such a short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator. You need to check the oil and water levels in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid such problems in future. I hope my answer will help solve your problem.
A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary.
A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreams that her husband bought her a gift box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.
When she wakes up, she tells her husband about the dream, wondering what it entails and if she was foreseeing the future.
That night her husband bought her a gift box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
And inside the fourth box was a book entitled "HOW TO INTERPRET DREAMS".
The reason men aren't allowed to run advice in "Love Columns" in magazines and newspapers..
Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about two miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help!
Reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburettor. You need to check your oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future.
Hope this helped you.
The reason why men are not allowed to give advice in love-columns of magazines
Anita:
"Hi! I'm a lady aged 26, married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about 2 miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I turned back to get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid!!! I don't what to do now. Please help."
Reply by male columnist:
"Dear Anita,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor. You need to check the oil and coolant level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future. Hope this helps.".
PS: Clichéd, but still funny in my opinion!
Psychic
Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic.
In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the psychic delivered the bad news...
'There is no easy way to say this so I'll be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.'
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle and then looked down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and decided to ask the question she desperately needed to know.
She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, 'Will I get away with it?'