futile Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious futile puns

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

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Kid asks his grandfather if he can have one of his beers...

The grandfather looks down at the 10 year old boy, and asks him, "well, can your dick reach your asshole?"

The boy shuffled and made a discreet attempt, but realized it was futile, and replied, "no"

"Then no, you can't"

3 years later, the boy finds his grandfather drinking again, and again he asks if he can have a beer.

"Can you dick reach your asshole?"

"No."

"Then no, you can't have a beer."

3 more years later, the boy, now 16, confidently walks into the garage to find his grandfather drinking again. He smiles and says, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?"

"Well, can your dick reach your asshole?"

"Yes," The boy replied, grinning.

"Good, then go fuck yourself!"

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The plumbers lament

My Grandpa told me this one & is by far a favorite:
There once was a man named Harry Dick,
Who was cursed at birth with a corkscrewed prick,
He searched his life in a futile hunt,
To find a girl with a corkscrewed cunt, The day he found he drop stone cold dead,
God damn thing had a left hand thread.

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Resistance is not futile...

It's voltage divided by current.

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A falling Borg has no terminal velocity...

...Air resistance is futile.

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What does a nihilistic Borg say?

Existence is futile.

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What did the Borg's existential brother say (Star Trek)?

Existence is futile.

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I finally had sex with my crush, like a borg

Her resistance was futile.

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Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act...

Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough.

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Finding a corner in a sphere is futile.

It's pointless

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After Thanksgiving a woman continually finds her husband rummaging through the fridge...

... ravenously devouring leftovers from their Thanksgiving feast. It gets to the point where she begins to get worried and asks, "Honey can you stop eating like that? You aren't even heating your food!" To which the husband replies, "Everyone knows it is futile to try and quit cold turkey!"

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For the Geeky Engineer drone...

So they put another engineer onto our team, His name is Ian Bradley, he is the guy that checks data flow down curcuits, making sure nothing is getting held up or slowed down.

I got an email from him the other day,
the header was

IanB.org
Resistors are Futile

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What did the super conductor say to the electric current?

Resistance is futile

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I was installing a new kitchen backsplash the other day, when I started to run low on materials...

my issue proved to be futile.

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How is a retard like a writing desk?

They can both be found in a special ed classroom, but getting use out of them is obviously futile.

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Why is there so much electricity in space?

because "Resistance is futile."

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So my amoxicillin is mixed with clavulanic acid...

Resistance is futile.

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I for one welcome our new insect overlords

Resistance is futile.

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What did Borg say to Georg Ohm?

"Resistance is futile."

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There is always resistance,

but it is futile.

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What are the most funny Futile jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Futile? Well, here are the best Futile dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Futile pick up lines to share with friends.

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