Following is our collection of funniest Furniture jokes. There are some furniture ikea jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these furniture house puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Me and my recliner go way back.
They re-arrange the furniture around the house.
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".
I figure it'll be the only way I'll ever have a "One nightstand."
rearrange the furniture
but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.
The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.
One nightstand.
She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.
I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
You can explore furniture emporium reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean furniture apartments dad jokes. There are also furniture puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
So I went to the furniture store and got her another one.
paddy o' furniture
The Ottoman Empire.
This furniture store keeps emailing me, all I wanted was one night stand!
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporiumβ¦
They rearranged the furniture.
...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)
Cause I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house
Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.
Mein Kampfy Chair
The divorced barbie is $399 because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, etc.
Are you my big toe?
Because i want to bang you on every piece of furniture.
The parents move the furniture.
The rest of the furniture was real though, weird.
But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
He opened a furniture shop & a lingerie shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 panties.
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no panties
I made $300,000.. ...
But I regret nothing. Sometimes you just have to take a stand.
I mean, it's not like he could just do it at home with all of his furniture watching him..
I like seeing how they unfold.
I'm going to bang you on all the furniture all night long
Because no trees were harmed in the making of their furniture.
He claimed he was being penalised for merely taking a stand.
I asked him if he knew of a furniture store nearby. He said "Does it look like ikea?"
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
A man left his home country of India to go to America in hopes of making money to support his family. He opened a furniture and lingerie business and in just 3 months he had made 80,000 dollars.
So he he wrote to his wife saying 'Honey I want you and the kids to come to America, I sold 1500 mattresses and 900 panties and business is going well!'
The wife wrote back saying 'You should come back to India, with just 1 mattress and no panties Ive made 500,000 dollars!'
Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny
It got really nasty and the bouncer escorted them out the door to finish their dispute where they could no longer break any more bar furniture or fixtures.
The two gay dudes went out into the parking lot where they exchanged blows.
They rearranged the furniture.
Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it wil be fun.
They rearange the furniture.
Paddy O' Furniture.
It's going to specialize in couches/sofas/chairs, etc...
It shall be named:
The Shack of Sit
He kept making strong counter arguments, though.
... Do we have to buy our furniture from EA?
it was a terrible end but a beautiful finish.
Paddy O' Furniture
I told him that was not a good idea. When he asked why, I told him that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
But I'm sure it woodwork
To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
I told them, "That's a job I could really see myself doing"
I just wanted the one night stand :/
Church Furniture
A sad end but a beautiful finish.
(richard dawson: source)
But the setup takes to long and the final product is mediocre.
They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
Pull out couch
She rearranges the furniture
He got the chair.
Juan Nightstand
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
Theyre both used to make furniture shine
Because that's where I draw the line
...the tables were turned.
It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.
One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]
That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
He is our instruction Manuel.
A little stool up their butts.
All I wanted was the one night stand.
It said, "Huge Furniture Sale!"
So I went inside and looked around. Unimpressed, I found a sales assistant. "Your sign outside is misleading."
"What do you mean, sir?" he asked.
"Well," I replied, "None of this furniture on sale is particularly huge."
After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"
Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashion furniture. For adders can multiply with the aid of log tables"
He fell into the upholstery machine.Took a while to get him out, but he's all recovered now.
The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.
I said 'Mimics.'
The party laughed.
The barkeep laughed.
The table laughed.
We killed the table. Good times.
All I wanted was one nightstand.
I wish you were my big toe.
Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house..
Well... you oughta, man!
It didn't sit right with me.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".
"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"
This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.
I said, Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?
The rearrange the furniture in the house
He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.
My first store will be called "Sofa Kingdom".
My second store will be called "Ottoman Empire."
Then people will say "That's Sofa Kingdom also."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the furniture rearrange jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working furniture dresser piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.