Furniture Jokes
160 furniture jokes and hilarious furniture puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about furniture that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the funniest furniture jokes from the perspectives of furniture salesman, movers, removalists, shoppers, and more. We’ll cover jokes about IKEA furniture, flat-pack furniture, patio furniture, Deadpool furniture, and more. Enjoy a laugh and find out how jokes can lighten the difficulties of furniture shopping!
Quick Jump To
- Short Furniture Jokes
- Furniture One Liners
- Ikea Furniture Jokes
- Furniture Salesman Jokes
- Furniture Moving Jokes
- Patio Furniture Jokes
- More Furniture Jokes
Funniest Furniture Short Jokes
Short furniture jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The furniture humour may include short clothing jokes also.
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - My boss at the furniture stores said "After what you did, I never want to see you again. You're fired!" But I regret nothing. Sometimes you just have to take a stand.
- Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
- I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts! That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
- Now that Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, is dead... ... Do we have to buy our furniture from EA?
- Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, "Have you read Marx?" The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".
- I know its slightly distasteful but, what's the best way to punish a blind kid? rearrange the furniture
- God making the human race Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it wil be fun. - I applied for work at a furniture factory and they said they had an opening for someone to inspect the mirrors. I told them, "That's a job I could really see myself doing"
- I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
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Furniture One Liners
Which furniture one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with furniture? I can suggest the ones about clothes and couch.
- The furniture store keeps calling me back..... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
- The woman at the furniture store keeps calling! All I wanted was the one night stand.
- What do you call a Jewish magician who only summons furniture? Bench Appearo.
- What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'Furniture
- How are blind kids punished by their parents? The parents move the furniture.
- How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.
- Man, I love my furniture.
Me and my recliner go way back. - What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night? Patty O'Furniture
- Who's Irish and sits outside all year round? Patty O'Furniture
- What's Irish and sits on a deck? Patty O'Furniture
- Who is the only Irishman that comes out in the Spring? Patty O'Furniture
- How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture.
- What's Irish and lives in your backyard? Patty O'Furniture
- I wish the furniture store would stop calling me. I just wanted the one night stand :/
- What do you call an Irishman sitting on your veranda? Patty O'Furniture.
Ikea Furniture Jokes
Here is a list of funny ikea furniture jokes and even better ikea furniture puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I met a rude Australian once I asked him if he knew of a furniture store nearby. He said "Does it look like ikea?"
- I would tell you a joke about Ikea furniture... But the setup takes to long and the final product is mediocre.
- Why do hippies shop at Ikea? Because no trees were harmed in the making of their furniture.
- What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen? Activates its shelf destruct sequence.
I'll see myself out... - What do you call IKEA furniture you put in coffee? Artificial swedener
- I hate it when people tell me the're going to a Swedish furniture shop Does it look like Ikea?
- I was kidnapped by the president of IKEA... Now I can`t stop buying furniture...
I have stock home syndrome. - The incoming presidential cabinet is like Ikea furniture. The directions come from something impossible to read, it will barely last 4 years and definitely has a few screws loose.
- What did the allen wrench say to the IKEA furniture? Screw you!
- If you want to breakup with someone but don't know how to do it.. Just put together some IKEA furniture and let it play out.
Furniture Salesman Jokes
Here is a list of funny furniture salesman jokes and even better furniture salesman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried arguing with the table salesman at the furniture store. He kept making strong counter arguments, though.
- A couple go into a furniture shop, looking for a couch A salesman asked them how their search is going.
The man replies, "Sofa so good". - Started my new job as a furniture salesman yesterday Sofa
So Good - What did the furniture salesman say when he wasn't happy with his haircut? Its a chaise lounge.
- The salesman at the furniture store told me.... This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.
I said, Where the h**... am I going to find 5 people without any problems? - What do you call an Irish outdoor furniture salesman? p**... O'Furniture
Furniture Moving Jokes
Here is a list of funny furniture moving jokes and even better furniture moving puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL you need an Act of Congress to move some pieces of furniture in the White House. Approving new Cabinet positions is such a drag.
- Moving company: "You've got a lot of heavy furniture to haul. I suggest renting a moving truck." Dad: "Why would I want to rent a truck that doesn't move?"
- How do apples move their furniture They re-orange it
Patio Furniture Jokes
Here is a list of funny patio furniture jokes and even better patio furniture puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Irish and stays on your deck? Patio furniture
- What's Irish and stays outside in the summer? Patio furniture.
- What's Irish and sits out all night? Patio furniture.
- What's Irish and sits by the swimming pool? Patio Furniture
- What's Irish and sits outside? Patio Furniture
Silly & Ridiculous Furniture Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about furniture you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chairs tables jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make furniture pranks.
What is the name of an Irish girl who hangs out on your lawn?
Patti O'Furniture
What's Irish and sits by the pool?
p**... O'Furniture
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her for misbehavior?
They re-arrange the furniture around the house.
Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
A man moves into a haunted house
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
Someday I'll open a store that specializes in bedside furniture. The name of the store will be "One"
I figure it'll be the only way I'll ever have a "One nightstand."
What do you call an Irishman passed out on your deck?
p**... O'Furniture
A man took a woman out for dinner...
but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.
The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.
What do you call an Irish armchair?
Patty O'Furniture
What did the s**... girl buy at the furniture store?
One nightstand.
My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.
She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.
Three foreign actors applying for the part of an angry man are asked to call out their numbers. First one goes "Me first actor", second one goes "Me second actor". The third one smashes all furniture and goes...
"method actor"
What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
p**... O'Furniture!
(Happy St. Patrick's Day)
I was shocked to find out that the woman I love was a one-night-stand type of girl.
So I went to the furniture store and got her another one.
What's Irish and sits on your lawn?
p**... o' furniture
Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?
The Ottoman Empire.
One Night Stand
This furniture store keeps emailing me, all I wanted was one night stand!
Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium…
Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...
...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)
Why do hurricanes have women name?
Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.
What's Irish and stays out on your deck?
p**... O'furniture
What's green and sits on the porch?
p**... O'Furniture.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
What did h**... call his favorite piece of furniture?
Mein Kampfy Chair
Whats the difference between normal barbie and divorced barbie?
The divorced barbie is $399 because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, etc.
Awful pick up line
Are you my big toe?
Because i want to bang you on every piece of furniture.
Woke up to discover my curtains were drawn
The rest of the furniture was real though, weird.
One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time,
He opened a furniture shop & a l**... shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 p**....
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no p**...
I made $300,000.. ...
What's Irish and lives on your back porch?
p**... O'Furniture.
I watch a lot of videos about portable furniture.
I like seeing how they unfold.
What is Irish and sits out in the rain?
Patty O'Furniture
Girl, imma treat you like I treat my pinky toe
I'm going to bang you on all the furniture all night long
Did you hear about the indignant thief who was caught robbing a furniture store?
He claimed he was being penalised for merely taking a stand.
I just don't understand puns about furnitures!
I haven't done it sofa, it's just weird.
God finishes creating the man
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
Business is going well
A man left his home country of India to go to America in hopes of making money to support his family. He opened a furniture and l**... business and in just 3 months he had made 80,000 dollars.
So he he wrote to his wife saying 'Honey I want you and the kids to come to America, I sold 1500 mattresses and 900 p**... and business is going well!'
The wife wrote back saying 'You should come back to India, with just 1 mattress and no p**... Ive made 500,000 dollars!'
These two guys started arguing in the local gay bar...
It got really n**... and the bouncer escorted them out the door to finish their dispute where they could no longer break any more bar furniture or fixtures.
The two gay dudes went out into the parking lot where they exchanged blows.
How do parents punish their blind children for bad behaviour?
They rearange the furniture.
What do you call a drunk Irishman sleeping on your porch?
p**... O' Furniture.
I'm Going To Open A New Furniture Shop
It's going to specialize in couches/sofas/chairs, etc...
It shall be named:
The Shack of Sit
What's Irish and comes out in summer?
p**... O'Furniture
What's Irish and sits in your garden?
p**... O' Furniture
My friend built a thatch residence out of prairie grass. He decided to use it as a storage facility for regnal furniture.
I told him that was not a good idea. When he asked why, I told him that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot?
To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.
My dad just called a family meeting.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
What's Irish and lives in the garden?
p**... O'Furniture
This guy died after drinking a whole bottle of furniture polish,
A sad end but a beautiful finish.
(richard dawson: source)
What's Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather?
p**... O'Furniture.
Brits
They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)
Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
What does Stevie Wonder's wife do when they have an argument?
She rearranges the furniture
Did you hear about the guy who robbed the furniture store?
He got the chair.
Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....
What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Patty O'Furniture
That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...
m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
Polish is a lot like Finnish
Theyre both used to make furniture shine
Have you heard of the Irish guy who fixes garden chairs?
His name is p**... O'Furniture
My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.
Because that's where I draw the line
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture, but when I got home...
...the tables were turned.
My uncle was a ventriloquist d**.... He died drinking furniture polish.
It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.
