Furiously Jokes
74 furiously jokes and hilarious furiously puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about furiously that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Furiously Short Jokes
Short furiously jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The furiously humour may include short frantically jokes also.
- I just found my wife has a Tinder profile and I'm furious. She is absolutely not adventurous , and fun to be around !
- • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
- My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
- I saw a lady texting and driving today I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.
- So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie.. Fast10: Your Seatbelts.
- I asked my teenage son to pass me the phone book He laughed, called me a dinosaur and handed me his iPhone.
So, the spider is dead. The iPhone is broken and my son is furious. - What does The Walking Dead, game of thrones and Fast and Furious have in common? All their Walkers are dead
- My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- As a billionaire I tried enter a club for billionaires, but was refused the entrance. "Is it because I'm a black billionaire?!", asked I furiously. "No, it's because you're a Zimbabwean billionaire"
- At church, last sunday …, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"
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Furiously One Liners
Which furiously one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with furiously? I can suggest the ones about madly and vehemently.
- The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called.... fast 10 Your Seat Belt.
- I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
- I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
- What's fast and the furious 10 going to be called? Fast 10: your seatbelts
- They recently announced the title for Fast and furious 10 Fast 10:your seatbelts
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people living above me are furious.
- My wife is a world famous pornstar. She was furious when she found out.
- What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan? Fastin' Furious
- I just gave up watching the Fast and the Furious Too many spoilers
- What do you call an accordionist who can play fast and furious? A speed demon.
- I raised the alarm at work today...
The midgets were furious. - I installed skylights in my home, ...the people that lived above me were furious.
- Fast and the furious 10 should be called Fast Ten: your seatbelts.
- The next fast and furious film comes out soon. Fast 10: Your seat belts.
- My next door neighbour has been in a few films She'll be furious if she ever finds out
Uplifting Furiously Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about furiously you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wildly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make furiously pranks.
Husband get back home from work asks wife
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...
Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."
God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...
...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having s**...! s**... is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"
A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars
A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
A man comes home from work...
A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, n**..., and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."
A nun asked in church class, which part of the body comes to heaven first?!
So Johnny immediately replied: "Must be the legs!"
The nun is startled and asks: "Why do you think that, Johnny?"
And Johnny replies: "Last night I saw mom in bed with her legs in the air screaming "Oh, god... I'm coming!!!". If dad hadn't been pounding her to the bed so furiously, we would lose her forever!"
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night...
I could see it in her eyes.
A dad sends his son to his room
"Go to your room!" Dad exclaimed, frustrated at his son's behavior.
"Jim Morrison is overrated!" yelled the son as he stormed down the hall.
The dad yelled furiously, "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors?!"
A guy asks his wife for s**..., and she replies, "I can't, it's Lent."
Furious, he yells, "to whom and for how long?!"
New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts'
Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night...
He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
My missus was furious at me for k**... dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge.
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
Pablo Escobar was taken down with the assistance of Columbian children acting as police informants
When he was arrested, Pablo furiously cried out "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those Medellín kids!"
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes n**... in her backyard.
Personally I'm on the fence.
2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.
You have to be moderately smart to understand it...
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.
She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"
r/conservative is furious that their voices are being censored and that people are picking and choosing who can be heard
"This thread is for conservatives only"
The difference between a man and a woman's friends.
A wife did not come home one night and the next day the husband was furious. She swore she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The husband called 10 of his wife's closest friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
To get her back he did not come home the next night. The next day his wife met him at the door furious at him. He swore he spent the night at his buddy's house.
She called 10 of his closest friends. 8 of them confirmed that he spent the night at their house, two of them swore that he was still there sound asleep.
"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher
"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.
The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.
"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to the door.
"Not quite correct Bobby" the teacher said "so you don't get to leave early"
"You didn't say it had to be correct...Just that someone had to answer"
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"
"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."
Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they're getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars
Ah sorry, spoilers
I asked my kid for a phone book. They rolled their eyes and said "OK boomer, we don't use those anymore" and handed me their phone.
Now their phone is smashed and they are furious, but I got that spider!
I asked my son for a phone book.
I asked my son for a phone book. He rolled his eyes and said "OK boomer, we don't use those anymore" and handed me his phone.
Now his phone is smashed and he is furious, but I got that spider!
A man is driving a car in somewhere he doesn't know.
He sees a sign that says "Slow: 70 Km".
Seeing the sign, the man lowers the speed to 70 kilometres.
Then he sees a sign that says "Slow: 25 Km". Seeing the sign, he lowers his speed to 25 kilometres.
Then he sees a sign that says "Slow: 1 Km". The man is furious, but he lowers his speed to 1 kilometre.
After an hour he sees a sign. The sign says:
"Welcome to Slow"
the new maid
A man hires a new maid and calls home to speak to his wife. The maid picks up.
"Is this the maid"
"Yes"
"Well may I speak to my wife?"
"Well....she's in bed with a man"
The husband is furious and tells the maid "I want you to go into my desk, get my gun, and shoot the both of them"
The husband hears the gunshots and the maid returns to the phone, telling him she shot both of them.
The husband says, "Now I want you to take both bodies and throw them into the pool"
The maid says, "What pool???"
The husband says, "Is this 387-6476?"
A photon was traveling along a highway at the speed of light.
The BMW driver on its tail was furious that they couldn't pass it.
I was furious at my English teacher for dropping me down to a B for missing just a single period.
However, I'm sure he'll be worried enough to increase it to an A after I inform him that I've actually missed three periods.
A mathematician comes home from a symposium to be met at the door by his furious wife.
"What's the big idea, coming home at three in the morning in this state?" she yells.
"Dear," says the moderately refreshed gentleman, "what time did I say I would be home?"
"Quarter of twelve, that's what you said!" screams the wife.
"...Well?" demands the mathematician.
