Furious Jokes
158 furious jokes and hilarious furious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about furious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of jokes that take the concept of being "furious" to hilarious heights. Learn how rage, anger, and other strong emotions can be translated into humor. Get ready to laugh - furiously!
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Funniest Furious Short Jokes
Short furious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The furious humour may include short infuriated jokes also.
- I just found my wife has a Tinder profile and I'm furious. She is absolutely not adventurous , and fun to be around !
- • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
- My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
- I saw a lady texting and driving today I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.
- So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie.. Fast10: Your Seatbelts.
- I asked my teenage son to pass me the phone book He laughed, called me a dinosaur and handed me his iPhone.
So, the spider is dead. The iPhone is broken and my son is furious. - What does The Walking Dead, game of thrones and Fast and Furious have in common? All their Walkers are dead
- My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- As a billionaire I tried enter a club for billionaires, but was refused the entrance. "Is it because I'm a black billionaire?!", asked I furiously. "No, it's because you're a Zimbabwean billionaire"
- At church, last sunday …, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"
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Furious One Liners
Which furious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with furious? I can suggest the ones about angry and enraged.
- The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called.... fast 10 Your Seat Belt.
- I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
- I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
- What's fast and the furious 10 going to be called? Fast 10: your seatbelts
- They recently announced the title for Fast and furious 10 Fast 10:your seatbelts
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people living above me are furious.
- My wife is a world famous pornstar. She was furious when she found out.
- What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan? Fastin' Furious
- I just gave up watching the Fast and the Furious Too many spoilers
- What do you call an accordionist who can play fast and furious? A speed demon.
- I raised the alarm at work today...
The midgets were furious. - I installed skylights in my home, ...the people that lived above me were furious.
- Fast and the furious 10 should be called Fast Ten: your seatbelts.
- The next fast and furious film comes out soon. Fast 10: Your seat belts.
- My next door neighbour has been in a few films She'll be furious if she ever finds out
Fast And Furious Jokes
Here is a list of funny fast and furious jokes and even better fast and furious puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts' Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
- Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they're getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars Ah sorry, spoilers
- Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies I was fast, she was furious
- What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called? Fast10
Your seat belts - If they release three more sequels of 'Fast and Furious' series... They should name the last one - "Fast10 - Your Seatbelt" in memory of Paul Walker.
- The Fast and the Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
- Did you know they're gonna release the 10th Fast and Furious movie already? It's called Fast10 your seatbelts.
- After the title "The Fate of the Furious", I just need next 2 movies to be titled Fast *nein* : The Fast and the *Furher*ious
Fast10 : your seatbelt - whats the difference in fast n furious and walking dead? there's no Walker in Fast and Furious
.......RIP Paul - Flat mate saw me chopping furiously in the kitchen He said "why are you cutting up rosemary so fast"? I said cos I've run outta thyme
Furious Franchise Jokes
Here is a list of funny furious franchise jokes and even better furious franchise puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Olive Garden should sponsor The Fast and Furious franchise. Because when you are there, you are Family.
- What movie franchise has the worst spoilers? The Fast and the Furious.
- What do the strippers in the Fast And the Furious franchise tell each other? Ride or die
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Furious Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about furious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean raging jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make furious pranks.
A Turkish man stopped by my convenience store and bought a gallon of milk. He comes back in an hour later with the same jug of milk, absolutely furious at me for selling him "bad milk!" I ask him what the problem is and he tells me its all
Kurdled
Two old friends meet:
- Wow, long time don't see! How are things?
- I'm fine and you?
- I'll be a dad for the first time!
- How cool! Congratulations! And is your wife happy?
- Right now she is. But once she finds out, she is going to be furious!
I saw some n**... on TV last night...
I just sat there shaking my fist. I was furious.
An old lady gets into an accident with a midget...
...he gets out of the car, obviously furious, and stomps toward the old woman. "I am *not* happy," he growls.
The old woman, calm as can be, says:
"Well, which one are you, then?"
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
Husband get back home from work asks wife
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
A lady and her baby...
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...
...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having s**...! s**... is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"
This husband wins the fight every time.
A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"
Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)
I finally set up a new sky light in my apartment!
I don't know why my upstairs neighbors are so furious though.
This morning some bloke drove up to my house in a huge lorry and dumped off a massive pile of lego blocks.
I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.
A Mongolian man tells his friend a story
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, s**..., this isn't my house,'.
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
I got charged for a satellite dish the other day...
I was furious. He told me it'd be on the house.
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
I applied for art school
I had no port folio, had never drawn in my life and absolutely no talent.
I was furious when they rejected me because I was the perfect candidate.
Surely if anyone needs lessons it's me!
Got home and into bed steaming drunk last night, and the wife was furious. She said I wasn't the man she married.
I knew exactly what she meant. I live next door.
My girlfriend just accused me of being a t**...
I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
A man comes home from work...
A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, n**..., and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
One day a woman and her baby got onto a bus
As the woman paid the bus driver, he said to her, That is one ugly baby!"
The woman was furious and stomped to her seat.
"What's the matter?"asked
another passenger.
"The bus driver just insulted me!"
"Well go up there and tell him off
while I hold your monkey."
I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night...
I could see it in her eyes.
In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband...
- I should have married the devil instead of you!
- Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden!
I like my women like I like my movies...
...fast, furious and eight in a row.
A man comes home from the bar drunk...
When he gets home, his wife is furious that he is drunk but the man protests that he is not drunk. The wife, after arguing for a good 5 minutes, says to her husband, "fine, tell the time", the man turns to the clock and says to the clock, "I'm not drunk"
I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian
All I said was my drivers keep crashing
God, I wish that I'd used a c**... now.
My wife walked in to the room when I was in the middle of a furious argument with our son. When he ran out of the room crying, I said to my wife, God, I wish that I'd used a c**... now.
My wife was aghast and said, What! You mean you wish that our son had never been born?
I said, No, I've got his girlfriend pregnant.
A guy asks his wife for s**..., and she replies, "I can't, it's Lent."
Furious, he yells, "to whom and for how long?!"
I assured to my significant other that size doesn't matter...
when she asked "does this dress make me look fat?" and now she's furious, help--
A woman holding her baby gets on the bus
The chauffeur looks at it and says:
"That has to be the most ugly baby I've ever seen!"
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus and says to a man next to her:
"The driver just rudely insulted me!"
The man says:
"You don't have to allow that! Go and say something to him. While you do that, I'll hold on to your monkey."
What would they call the 10th installment in the Fast and Furious Series?
-Fast 10 Your Seatbelts
-Fast 10 Furious
A woman boarded a bus carrying her baby.
"Ugh," said the bus driver. "That is the *ugliest* baby I have ever seen." Furious, the woman stormed down the aisle and took a seat.
"What's wrong, lady?" Asked the man next to her.
"That driver just insulted me!"
"Well you go up there and you tell him off! Here - I'll hold your monkey."
What should the tenth fast and furious movie be called?
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts.
The whole pack
This guy caught me having s**... with his daughter, and he was furious.
He said, "I'm not going to go easy on you, son. Nobody ever went easy on me. When I was a kid, my father caught me smoking a cigarette, and he made me smoke the whole pack right in front of him. When my mother caught me drinking whisky from the cabinet, she made me drink the entire bottle down to the last drop."
I said, "I think I see where you're going with this. How many kids do you have?"
A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night...
He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...
Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..
My wife is furious I left my son's concert early to go out to the bar...
I'll never hear the end of it
s**... with the DA's wife
Jack gets caught having s**... with the DA's wife. The next morning the police is at his door, telling him that he's arrested. Jack is furious. "What? Am I getting arrested just because I slept with the DA's wife? That's not i**...." The police officer shakes his head. "No, we are arresting you because you slept with a 14 year old girl."
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
My missus was furious at me for k**... dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
Four robber are robbing a bank
After opening the safe, the only thing they found is a box with about 200 yogurts. Furious because they didn't find the money, they eat all the 200 yogurts, thinking it'd upset the owner. As they were leaving, they ask the security where was all the money, to which the security answered: "What do you mean where's all the money? This is a s**... bank"
A problem at the restaurant
Waiter!" shouted the furious diner. "How dare you serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby
As she's paying for her ticket the bus driver says that's got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
The woman goes to the back of the bus, furious, she says to the man sitting next to her the bus driver just insulted me! , the man says go give him a piece of your mind then! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you!
I just got home from a close friends f**..., he drowned last week......!
I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
My wife was accepting when I told her my fantasy was to have s**... with two women at the same time
But was furious when I told her she isn't either of them
A man worked at construction site...
...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.
His wife, furious, comes to hospital.
"What happened?!"
"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."
"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"
"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.
On top of it, I am permanently banned from the maternity ward.
My galfriend and I role play "The Fast and the Furious" in bed.
Me and her, respectively.
The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president s**..." on the lawn.
Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.
Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The u**... was the Vice Presidents".
The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"
The head of the FBI says,"The handwriting was the First Lady's".
A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.
Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.
"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.
I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes n**... in her backyard.
Personally I'm on the fence.
$5 h**...
A man goes to see a 5 dollar h**..., he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got c**... from the h**.... He decides to go back to the h**... and complain.
Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get c**...!!!
h**...: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?
2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.
You have to be moderately smart to understand it...
Really drunk people?
3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!
I grew up in a family of potters.
I told my dad "I don't want to make pots anymore, I want to make baskets" and he was furious - he was going to kick me out.
He said "go. Weave."
I just found out my teenage son had s**... with his teacher, and I am furious.
I should have never agreed to home schooling.
