The Best 74 Furious Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Furious jokes. There are some furious back jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these furious immediately puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Furious Jokes and Puns
I raised the alarm at work today...
The midgets were furious.
Two old friends meet:
- Wow, long time don't see! How are things?
- I'm fine and you?
- I'll be a dad for the first time!
- How cool! Congratulations! And is your wife happy?
- Right now she is. But once she finds out, she is going to be furious!
An old lady gets into an accident with a midget...
...he gets out of the car, obviously furious, and stomps toward the old woman. "I am *not* happy," he growls.
The old woman, calm as can be, says:
"Well, which one are you, then?"
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "Goddammit I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "Goddammit I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "Goddammit I missed"
Husband get back home from work asks wife
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
A lady and her baby...
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...
...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"
At church, last sunday
…, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"
This morning some bloke drove up to my house in a huge lorry and dumped off a massive pile of lego blocks.
I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.
• My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
A Mongolian man tells his friend a story
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.
You can explore furious furiously reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean furious angriest dad jokes. There are also furious puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
I saw a lady texting and driving today
I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.
Fast and Furious [NSFW]
I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident.
I guess next time I should be the one driving.
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
I installed a skylight in my apartment.
The people living above me are furious.
Got home and into bed steaming drunk last night, and the wife was furious. She said I wasn't the man she married.
I knew exactly what she meant. I live next door.
My girlfriend just accused me of being a transvestite
I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left
They recently announced the title for Fast and furious 10
Fast 10:your seatbelts
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
A man comes home from work...
A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, naked, and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
One day a woman and her baby got onto a bus
As the woman paid the bus driver, he said to her, That is one ugly baby!"
The woman was furious and stomped to her seat.
"What's the matter?"asked
another passenger.
"The bus driver just insulted me!"
"Well go up there and tell him off
while I hold your monkey."
I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night...
I could see it in her eyes.
I installed skylights in my home,
...the people that lived above me were furious.
In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband...
- I should have married the devil instead of you!
- Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden!
What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan?
Fastin' Furious
I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian
All I said was my drivers keep crashing
God, I wish that I'd used a condom now.
My wife walked in to the room when I was in the middle of a furious argument with our son. When he ran out of the room crying, I said to my wife, God, I wish that I'd used a condom now.
My wife was aghast and said, What! You mean you wish that our son had never been born?
I said, No, I've got his girlfriend pregnant.
A guy asks his wife for sex, and she replies, "I can't, it's Lent."
Furious, he yells, "to whom and for how long?!"
Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies
I was fast, she was furious
A woman holding her baby gets on the bus
The chauffeur looks at it and says:
"That has to be the most ugly baby I've ever seen!"
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus and says to a man next to her:
"The driver just rudely insulted me!"
The man says:
"You don't have to allow that! Go and say something to him. While you do that, I'll hold on to your monkey."
A woman boarded a bus carrying her baby.
"Ugh," said the bus driver. "That is the *ugliest* baby I have ever seen." Furious, the woman stormed down the aisle and took a seat.
"What's wrong, lady?" Asked the man next to her.
"That driver just insulted me!"
"Well you go up there and you tell him off! Here - I'll hold your monkey."
New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts'
Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
The whole pack
This guy caught me having sex with his daughter, and he was furious.
He said, "I'm not going to go easy on you, son. Nobody ever went easy on me. When I was a kid, my father caught me smoking a cigarette, and he made me smoke the whole pack right in front of him. When my mother caught me drinking whisky from the cabinet, she made me drink the entire bottle down to the last drop."
I said, "I think I see where you're going with this. How many kids do you have?"
My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married…
She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night...
He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."
So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..
Fast10: Your Seatbelts.
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...
Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..
The Furious Teacher (NSFW)
Teacher: "Why are you giggling?
Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come back for a week!
Another boy laughs...
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for a month!"
The teacher bends to pick a chalk, and little Johnny starts walking out of the class.
Teacher: "And where do you think YOU'RE going?"
Johnny: "With what I saw, I think my school days are over."
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie...
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?
All their Walkers are dead
What's fast and the furious 10 going to be called?
Fast 10: your seatbelts
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow blacks in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby
As she's paying for her ticket the bus driver says that's got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
The woman goes to the back of the bus, furious, she says to the man sitting next to her the bus driver just insulted me! , the man says go give him a piece of your mind then! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you!
I just got home from a close friends funeral, he drowned last week......!
I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
My wife was accepting when I told her my fantasy was to have sex with two women at the same time
But was furious when I told her she isn't either of them
My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
My wife is a world famous pornstar.
She was furious when she found out.
A man worked at construction site...
...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.
His wife, furious, comes to hospital.
"What happened?!"
"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."
"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"
"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
I just gave up watching the Fast and the Furious
Too many spoilers
A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.
Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.
"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.
I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes nude in her backyard.
Personally I'm on the fence.
The Fast and the Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.
You have to be moderately smart to understand it...
Really drunk people?
3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!
I just found out my teenage son had sex with his teacher, and I am furious.
I should have never agreed to home schooling.
I threw holy water at the demon and tried to banish it back to hell
My wife was furious and told me not to treat her mother like that
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....
Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.
Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about Hitler. Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.
She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my damn computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"
I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning.
His mother was furious.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby....
The driver says, Ugh- that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus, sits down and says to the man on her left:
Did you hear what the driver said?! He insulted me!
The man: You go up there and tell him off. Go on. I'll hold your monkey for you .
r/conservative is furious that their voices are being censored and that people are picking and choosing who can be heard
"This thread is for conservatives only"
The difference between a man and a woman's friends.
A wife did not come home one night and the next day the husband was furious. She swore she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The husband called 10 of his wife's closest friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
To get her back he did not come home the next night. The next day his wife met him at the door furious at him. He swore he spent the night at his buddy's house.
She called 10 of his closest friends. 8 of them confirmed that he spent the night at their house, two of them swore that he was still there sound asleep.
This big ol' grizzly bear walks up to the bar and orders s drink.
The bartender says "We don't serve wild animals."
Furious at this, the bear loses his cool, starts roaring and raging, knocking people and tables over. In his fury, he picks up an old woman and eats her down in one bite. Crunch.
Now, a bit sedated, he returns to the bar and says "Come on, man. I could use a beer to wash that down."
Shaking his head, the barman says "No wild animals and no drug addicts "
Confused, the bear says "Drug addicts? What drugs?"
The bartender shrugs. "What about that bar-bitch-you-ate?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the furious irate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working furious livid piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.