Fur Jokes
111 fur jokes and hilarious fur puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fur that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover hilarious fur jokes about animals and their fur coats, hair, and other fur-related topics! From fur trappers to fur babies to Fur Elise, find out how others use humor to make light of furred animals, from dogs and cats to other creatures. Get ready to laugh out loud at the funniest fur jokes around!
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Funniest Fur Short Jokes
Short fur jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fur humour may include short hair jokes also.
- What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character? The Adhomineminal snowman
- I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife... ...best two trades I ever made.
- You can call a dog a fur baby and nothing happens, but I call OND CHILD a skin dog and suddenly I'm the WORST taxidermist in the state.
- A koala walks into a barber shop A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"
- Many people call their animals "fur babies" but, As soon as I start calling children "skin dogs", suddenly I'm the worst pediatrician in this hospital!
- TIL there's a scientific term for aquatic mammals losing their fur through evolution It's called Whale Pattern Baldness.
- I finally broke down and told him he was adopted. How could he not have known? His mother and I don't even have orange fur. I don't think my cat will ever be the same.
- My dog is vegan but he is kind of a hypocrite about it. He has a fur coat that he always wears.
- I was afraid that I had stepped on my child's hamster this morning... ... but laughed when I double checked. I had just tripped on a little puddle of blood and fur.
- What does a Catholic priest have in common with Beethoven's Fur Elise? They both finish in A minor
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Fur One Liners
Which fur one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fur? I can suggest the ones about dries and wool.
- I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.
- How does the modern-day james bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred
- Most of your days spent picking nits out of your fur.
- How did Beethoven rent out his house? He put it up Fur Elise
- What do you call a bear without fur? Bare.
- Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection
- Why do Ivan Pavlov's dogs have the shiniest and softest fur? Repeated conditioning.
- What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing? They got new fur coats.
- Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat? Because they are lazy and have small hands!
- What does a fur trader listen to on Spotify? Trap music.
- My cat's not happy about his coat being twisted into bunches. Fur's twirled problem!
- How many cats does it take to make a fur coat? None! Cats can't sew!
- The limo driver opened an animal hide gallery. The chauffeur show furs
- Why can't cats drive boats in Germany? Because it's Fur Boatin'
- How does a man keep his youth? By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Fur Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny fur coat jokes and even better fur coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat? My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.
- Cats They lay around and sleep all day, you can tell them any joke and they won't laugh, and they just wanna be away from you. So, cats are just teenagers in fur coats.
- Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur? He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat
- fur coat daughter tells mom who wears a fur coat
daughter: did you know that your fur coat is a result of suffering of an animal?
mom: you shouldn't talk about your dad that way - My cat always had a rough coat of fur. I would always try my best to wash her but she hated it No matter how much I tried to condition her.
- Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
- Did you hear about the expensive coat that was made with real animal fur? Yeah, it was a ripoff
- new coat my wife wanted me to get her a new coat... i said "fur sure".
- Fur Coats will make you into a Man They really put hair on your chest.
- Whenever I hit the streets in the cold season with all my icy bling and large fur coat, people would always approach me to ask if I am a p**.... I tell them, "Nah, man, I'm just a frosty dude."
Dog Fur Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog fur jokes and even better dog fur puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius? Fur Elise
- I like my women like I like my dogs With fur not hair, on my leash, and frothy at the mouth
- After robbing a house I was informed to flee the scene. So I picked up their dog and ruffled it's fur.
- If I made a Mobius s**... out of black and white dog fur, would it result in eternal dalmation?
- What do you call a dog who loves children s**... his fur? A petophile.
Cat Fur Jokes
Here is a list of funny cat fur jokes and even better cat fur puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do cats go for their prom? The fur ball :)
- What do you call a cat on fire? A fur-nace
- I gave my cat a bath today... The fur got stuck to my tongue but other than that it was okay.
Steve Martin - Cat driving limos I bought a limo the other day.
It came with a great chauf-FUR, too. - I gave my cat a bath last night. I know cats are supposed to hate baths, but he really seemed to enjoy it. I, on the other hand, didn't like the way the fur stuck to my tongue.
- What do you call a demonic cat that just recovered from obesity? Looser-fur
- I tried to give my cat a bath... But I ended up with fur all over my tongue.
Animal Fur Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal fur jokes and even better animal fur puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a bunch of rich white people chasing after an orange-furred animal? The GOP primaries.
- What does a tall building on fire and loops of animal hair in the sky have in common? ...A Tower Ring In Fur, No?
- What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush. - Why do PETA buy animal skin jackets off Don Corleone? He made them of fur they couldn't refuse.
Howlingly Hilarious Fur Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about fur you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rabbit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fur pranks.
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
A woman's husband dies and gets cremated
She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that b**... I promised you? Well, here it comes"
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a small plane
The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not *that* small a plane) pulls a w**... of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a plane.
The American gets up, goes to the window pulls a w**... of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
The Skunk
One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"
He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."
She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"
"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."
"Well, what about the smell?"
"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"
A woman recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that b**... I promised you?
Here it comes ..."
Today my friend met Chewbacca...
...she said he was "A big s**... fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.
A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..
..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"
"It is not mink, it's polyester!"
"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"
I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...
Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.
What do you call 2 l**... in a canoe?
Fur traders.... Zing!!
Sarah watches as her mother tries on an expensive fur coat
in a high-end department store. Do you realize, Sarah says, that some poor, dumb animal had to suffer just for you to wear that coat? Sarah's mother turns to her and snaps, Think about how much I've suffered! And don't call your father an animal.
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does s**... stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is s**... never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his a**... with him.
Bear
A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**... in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with s**... sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no . So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
A bear and a rabbit
A bear and a rabbit are taking s**... in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur? The rabbit says no . So the bear picks him up and wipes his a**... with him!
The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh
The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the back. After the ceremony the headmaster thanked Charles and said, "I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing on your head ...?"
"Ah yes", said Charles, "That was Daddy's idea. He asked where I was going today, then he said 'Brixton? Wear the fox hat'".
A bear is taking a s**... in the woods
when a rabbit comes by. The bear says, "Hey, Rabbit, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Mr. Bear.", answers the rabbit.
"Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
"No, Mr. Bear, not at all."
So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia
The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"
A Rabbit and a Bear in the Woods
A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**... in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says:
"Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says: "no"
So the bear wipes his a**... with the rabbit.
My girlfriend's dog sprinted up to us wanting a cuddle.
"I love you, Henry," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
"I don't think so," she replied, "I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
A bear and a rabbit are p**... in the woods.
The bear glances over at the rabbit and asks "Do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replies, "Nope, never been a problem. Just lucky that way, I guess."
"Guess so," the bear said, as he picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
A bear is taking a s**... in the woods, and sees a rabbit nearby, doing the same - so he strikes up a conversation
Bear - "Hello, Mr. Rabbit"
Rabbit - "Hello, Mr. Bear"
Bear - "Would you mind if I asked a personal question?"
Rabbit - "Why, no - go ahead"
Bear - "Do you have a problem with s**... sticking to your fur?"
Rabbit - "No Mr. Bear, I do not."
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his a**... with him.
Two bunnies are walking in the woods......
Two bunnies are walking in the woods. They're approached by a large bear. The bear says, "Do you guys have any problems with c**... sticking to your fur?" Bunny #1 says to bunny #2, "Back away very slowly...... I know how this joke ends!"
A wannabe rich woman once bought an expensive fur coat
A wannabe rich woman once bought and expensive fur coat which didn't sit well with her 14 year old daughter.
Mom, do you realise that some poor, dumb beast had to suffer so you could get that? She said
The woman, infuriated by her daughter's comment said 'how dare you speak about your father like that!'
What do u call two l**... floating down a river in a canoe?
Fur traders.
OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?
They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)
Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?
It was recently spotted
Why didn't Beethoven sell his house?
He put it up Fur Elise!
What do you call a dead gopher?
Just fur. It doesn't go anymore.
Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?
They prefer fur mats.
I bought my G/F a nightie with fur around the bottom....
It helps keep her neck warm.
So...
How much fur would a gopher go for if a gopher could go for fur?
Why was Beethoven making a lot of money?
His property was Fur Elise
Beauty and the beast
Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...
and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him
Sir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!
My boss looked so surprised and asked
Fur-eel man?
If Cruella de Vil had a daughter, she would be named Lucy.
Lucy would aid the family business by taking up a logistics division, calling the child company Lucy's Fur.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible.
What do you call a chihuahua with a rainbow colored fur?
Chihuehue
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
Passed by Beethoven's old apartment the other day...
It was Fur Elise
What's a furry's favorite game?
Trivial Fur Suit
