Fur Jokes

What are some Fur jokes?

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."

A woman's husband dies and gets cremated

She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes"

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"

He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."

She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"

"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."

"Well, what about the smell?"

"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

I gave my cat a bath the other day...

he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.

A man goes out for a walk in the woods.

Suddenly, he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He starts walking closer, curious, when all of a sudden, a huge mound of fur jumps in front of him.

It's a grizzly bear.

Absolutely terrified, the man thinks to himself, 'Welp, time to pray.' But what to pray for?

Suddenly, a brilliant idea comes to him.

"Dear God, please make this bear a Christian. Christians can't kill people."

A second later, the bear drops to its knees, and puts its paws together in a manner akin to praying, and growls. "Dear Lord, I thank you for this meal I am about to receive."

I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked

I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

Today my friend met Chewbacca...

...she said he was "A big stupid fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.

I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife...

...best two trades I ever made.

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

Another Southern Belle Joke:

Four southern belles were discussing their husbands one afternoon

1st Southern Belle: "Well, ah do declare, my husband is so good to me.
He brings me diamonds near' every day of the week. I got a diamond
ring for every finger."

2SB: "My My My"

3SB: "You know, my husbands is the same way. He brings me fur coats
all the time. I got a whole closet full of fur coats."

2SB: "My My My"

4SB: "Mine too. He takes me on cruises and trips. I've been nearly
everywhere on this whole blessed earth."

2SB: "My My My"

(Nervous pause)

1SB to 2SB: "How does your husband treat you?"

2SB: "Oh, my husband is good to me too. He sent me off to finishin' school."

(Nervous pause)

3SB to 2SB: "Finishin' school? What good is goin' to finishin' school?"

2SB: "Well, I used to say 'Fuck you, bitch', now I just say 'My My My.'"

The German Shepherd cover up...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow...

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow. When she gets home, she sees that his paws are frozen solid, and caked with ice! The next day she takes her dog to the vet, and asks
"can you shave my dog's paws so that snow doesn't get stuck in his fur?" The vet responds
"Shaving isn't the best option for dog paws, you should go to the drugstore and use some Nair shampoo instead." At the drugstore, the woman goes to check out with her bottle of Nair. Upon seeing this, the pharmacist says
"If you're using this on your legs, be sure not to shave for three days to avoid irritation." The woman responds
"No, it's not for my legs" The pharmacist says
"Well, if you're using this on your underarms, don't use deodorant for three days to avoid irritation there." The woman says
"Oh, no, it's for my Schnauzer." The pharmacist responds
"In that case, when you're done, don't ride your bike for a while."



-My barber told this one, today.

A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..

..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"

"It is not mink, it's polyester!"

"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"

I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...

Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.

A koala walks into a barber shop

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders.... Zing!!

What do you call a bear without fur?

Bare.

The neighbor's pet rabbit

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.

He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.

He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

Alas Fluffy, we knew him well.

I found my German Shepherd with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, " Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage.

There are some real sick people out there!"

Why do Ivan Pavlov's dogs have the shiniest and softest fur?

Repeated conditioning.

What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?

They got new fur coats.

Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?

Because they are lazy and have small hands!

I finally broke down and told him he was adopted.

How could he not have known? His mother and I don't even have orange fur. I don't think my cat will ever be the same.

The Bear hunter

There was a guy and he was out in the woods hunting. He was walking through the bush and he spotted a bear, so he aimed at the bear - shot - walked over saw no blood no fur no bear! So then he feels a tap on his shoulder he turns around and it is the bear, "Did you just try to shoot me?"

"Well yeah"

"Well seeing as you tried to kill me I'm gonna have to rape you!"

So the bear does his business and leaves! The guy is really mad so he goes to the city, buys an even bigger gun and goes out looking for the bear. He sees it takes the shot - walks over no blood no fur no bear! Then he feels a tap on the shoulder it is the bear again!

"Did you just try and kill me again?"

"Yeah"

"Well now i have to rape you again!"

So the bear did his thing and left! The guy was really mad, went back to the city and found the biggest gun he could! He went back, found the bear took a shot - walked over no blood no fur no bear. The guy then feels a tap on the shoulder!

"You aren't in this for the hunting are you?"

How many cats does it take to make a fur coat?

None! Cats can't sew!

What does a Catholic priest have in common with Beethoven's Fur Elise?

They both finish in A minor

A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat?

My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.

I was afraid that I had stepped on my child's hamster this morning...

... but laughed when I double checked. I had just tripped on a little puddle of blood and fur.

What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

Why didn't Beethoven sell his house?

He put it up Fur Elise!

If I made a Mobius strip out of black and white dog fur,

would it result in eternal dalmation?

OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)

Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?

It was recently spotted

Where do cats go for their prom?

The fur ball :)

An Irish man goes to the doctor...

An Irish man goes to the Doctor...

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible" he says, "there is a Β£20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a Β£10 note appears.

"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "Β£1,990 exactly."

The patient then says...

"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

What do you call a dog who loves children stroking his fur?

A petophile.

So...

How much fur would a gopher go for if a gopher could go for fur?

I bought my G/F a nightie with fur around the bottom....

It helps keep her neck warm.

Why was Beethoven making a lot of money?

His property was Fur Elise

What fur do we get from a tiger?

As fur as possible.

What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius?

Fur Elise

What's a furry's favorite game?

Trivial Fur Suit

Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur?

He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat

A little girl sees her mother nude...

and she asks her "What is that fur between your legs Mother?"

Her mom answers, "That is my squirrel, daughter"

"I see.. it is covered in fur like a squirrel!"

One day the girl is visiting her grandmother and they are getting dressed to go out. Her grandmother undresses and the girl says "Mom says that is your squirrel between your legs Grandma. Is that right?"

Grandma says "Yes it is."

The girl asks, "Why is your squirrel gray and mom's is black?"

Grandma answers "If your mom's squirrel has gotten fed as many nuts as mine has, it would be gray too."

Passed by Beethoven's old apartment the other day...

It was Fur Elise

fur coat

daughter tells mom who wears a fur coat

daughter: did you know that your fur coat is a result of suffering of an animal?
mom: you shouldn't talk about your dad that way

What do you call a chihuahua with a rainbow colored fur?

Chihuehue

Russia Jokes

Submit your best Russia jokes.

Mine are "Why was everybody in Russia rushin'? Because nobody wanted to be Stalin." and "Why were Russians wearing bear fur coats? Because Lenins weren't warm enough for them."

What does a grizzly wear under his fur?

Under-bear.

What does a tall building on fire and loops of animal hair in the sky have in common?

...A Tower Ring In Fur, No?

How does a deer keep its fur in place?

Mousse

If Cruella de Vil had a daughter, she would be named Lucy.

Lucy would aid the family business by taking up a logistics division, calling the child company Lucy's Fur.

Bearable

There was a guy who went bear hunting. When he finally got close to a bear he went to aim and his rifle jammed. The bear charged him and he hollered: Wait a minute Mr. Bear my gun is jammed . The bear said OK we can talk this over. The man said Woo sounds great, well Mr. Bear I was only hunting for a new fur coat for the winter that is coming up. The Bear said That sounds good, because I was looking for a good meal before I hibernate for the winter myself. SO THEY LEFT THE MEETING WITH BOTH WISHES SATISFIED.

Beauty and the beast

Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more erotic, eventually causing it to sprout an erection. A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."

What do you call a French cow that grows sprouts instead of fur?

Chia LaBeouf

A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa

"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"

How to make Fur puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Fur to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Fur? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Fur pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes