fur Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fur puns

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

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A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods

After the bear is done he turns to the rabbit and says "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit looks confused and says "no, I've never had a problem with that"

The bear smiles and says "good" and picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.

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A rich guy and a poor guy are talking about what they got their wives for christmas...

the rich guy said, "I got my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring, so if she doesn't like the fur at least she'll have the ring." The poor guy said, "I got my wife a bathrobe and a dildo. If she doesn't like the robe, she can go fuck herself!"

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A Bear and a Rabbit are taking a shit in the middle of the woods...

The Bear turns to the Rabbit and asks, "Hey, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The Rabbit answers, "No, not at all."

So the Bear takes the Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

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A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."

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Classic Eddie Murphy Joke:

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods
The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit offended replies "No I don't have a problem with shit sticking to my fur"
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit

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A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods, side by side.

The bear turns to the rabbit and says "Hey, do you have a problem with your shit sticking to your fur?"

"Nope" says the rabbit.

So the bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with him.

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A woman's husband dies and gets cremated

She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes"

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What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

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The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"

He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."

She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"

"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."

"Well, what about the smell?"

"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods

The bear turned around and asked the rabbit, "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

"No" the rabbit replied.

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

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A PETA activist sees an attractive woman.... .

.......wearing a full length fur coat. Incensed at her, she says to the woman, "Do you know how many fucking animals had to die so you could wear that?
The attractive woman replies, "Do you know how many animals I had to fuck to wear this?

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in a forest

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" "No" replies the rabbit. So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit

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Dump in the woods

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods.

The bear leans over and says to the rabbit, "Hey rabbit, do you ever have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No."

The bears picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass

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Bear and a Rabbit

So a bear and a Rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear leans over to the rabbit and says

"Hey, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit replies "why no, I don't."

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

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I gave my cat a bath the other day...

he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.

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A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods...

The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Hey, does shit stick to YOUR fur?"

The rabbit says, "Why no, it doesn't."

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the forest;

The bear says to the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to you fur?"

"Uh... no?" Says the rabbit

The bear then took the rabbit, and used him to wipe his ass.

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A man goes out for a walk in the woods.

Suddenly, he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He starts walking closer, curious, when all of a sudden, a huge mound of fur jumps in front of him.

It's a grizzly bear.

Absolutely terrified, the man thinks to himself, 'Welp, time to pray.' But what to pray for?

Suddenly, a brilliant idea comes to him.

"Dear God, please make this bear a Christian. Christians can't kill people."

A second later, the bear drops to its knees, and puts its paws together in a manner akin to praying, and growls. "Dear Lord, I thank you for this meal I am about to receive."

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A door to door salesman knocks on a door...

An 8 year old kid wearing a fur coat, his boxers smoking a cigar with a glass of whisky opens the door.

Saleman- are you parents home?

Kid-What do you fucking think?

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a bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods

The bear asks the rabbit if he has problems with shit sticking to his fur. The rabbit replies, "no why?" The bear then wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked

I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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Today my friend met Chewbacca...

...she said he was "A big stupid fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.

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A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods

The bear asks the rabbit, does shit stick to your fur?

The rabbit replies, no

The bear wipes his butt with the rabbit

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I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife...

...best two trades I ever made.

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A Bear and A Rabbit

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods taking a dump by the same tree. The bear looks at the rabbit and asks, "Do you ever have a problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "No!" and the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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I stole this joke. But My dad loved it.

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear looked at the rabbit and said "do u have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?".
The Rabbit said "no, why?".
So the bear picked him up and wiped his ass with him.

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An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

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Another Southern Belle Joke:

Four southern belles were discussing their husbands one afternoon

1st Southern Belle: "Well, ah do declare, my husband is so good to me.
He brings me diamonds near' every day of the week. I got a diamond
ring for every finger."

2SB: "My My My"

3SB: "You know, my husbands is the same way. He brings me fur coats
all the time. I got a whole closet full of fur coats."

2SB: "My My My"

4SB: "Mine too. He takes me on cruises and trips. I've been nearly
everywhere on this whole blessed earth."

2SB: "My My My"

(Nervous pause)

1SB to 2SB: "How does your husband treat you?"

2SB: "Oh, my husband is good to me too. He sent me off to finishin' school."

(Nervous pause)

3SB to 2SB: "Finishin' school? What good is goin' to finishin' school?"

2SB: "Well, I used to say 'Fuck you, bitch', now I just say 'My My My.'"

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The German Shepherd cover up...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow...

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow. When she gets home, she sees that his paws are frozen solid, and caked with ice! The next day she takes her dog to the vet, and asks
"can you shave my dog's paws so that snow doesn't get stuck in his fur?" The vet responds
"Shaving isn't the best option for dog paws, you should go to the drugstore and use some Nair shampoo instead." At the drugstore, the woman goes to check out with her bottle of Nair. Upon seeing this, the pharmacist says
"If you're using this on your legs, be sure not to shave for three days to avoid irritation." The woman responds
"No, it's not for my legs" The pharmacist says
"Well, if you're using this on your underarms, don't use deodorant for three days to avoid irritation there." The woman says
"Oh, no, it's for my Schnauzer." The pharmacist responds
"In that case, when you're done, don't ride your bike for a while."



-My barber told this one, today.

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.

Suddenly the bear looks over and asks the rabbit,"Hey, tell me something. Does shit stick to your fur?"

The rabbit replied,"Nope.".

So the bear picked him up and wiped his ass with him.

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A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..

..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"

"It is not mink, it's polyester!"

"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"

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I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...

Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.

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A koala walks into a barber shop

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

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What are the most funny Fur jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fur? Well, here are the best Fur dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fur pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes