Funny Jokes
171 funny jokes and hilarious funny puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about funny that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is the best collection of funny jokes you will find anywhere. If you are looking for a laugh, then look no further. These jokes are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Funny Short Jokes
Short funny jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The funny humour may include short hilarious jokes also.
- Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud.. But when a girl sleep with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
- The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
- My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing... Probably because it's a Dell
- I know global warming is bad but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
- I asked my wife why she married me. I asked my wife why she married me.
She said Because you are funny.
I said I thought it was because I was good in bed.
She said See? You're hilarious! - What's better than enchiladas? n+1 chiladas.
(sharing this joke I came up with tonight while making enchiladas, because my family didn't find it funny). - Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer. One says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
The other one goes, 'No'. - Its funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.
- How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb? One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.
- James Bond always holds his farts while in bed Otherwise he would blow his cover.
(Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X)
Share These Funny Jokes With Friends
Funny One Liners
Which funny one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with funny? I can suggest the ones about funniest and humorous.
- If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's pretty humerus.
- A horse walked into a bar
Bartender: Hey
horse: Yes please - How much does santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.
- How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
- Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny They have enough on their plate anyway.
- Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.
I'll show myself out - Because the punchline gets spoiled early. Why is this time travel joke not funny?
- How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's not funny
- Why are 490 Romans funny? Because XD
- Jokes about murderers aren't funny. Unless they're executed properly, that is.
- Capitalism jokes aren't funny. Not everyone gets them.
- What do you call a person with no body and no nose Nobody knows
- I like to tell dad jokes But he never finds them funny.
- !false It's funny because it's true.
- communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
Your As Funny As Jokes
Here is a list of funny your as funny as jokes and even better your as funny as puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
(I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough) - It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
- My wife yelled at me "are you even listening to me" I said "that's a funny way to start a conversation"
- Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"
The other responds, "*no.*" - Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer. One says, "Does this taste funny?".
The other says, "No". - I was wondering where you guys get all these funny dad jokes from? Then I came to the conclusion that they're just all kept in a dadabase.....
I'll see myself out
🚪🚶🏾♂️ - When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes. Because there is no delivery.
- It is funny how my wife waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub... ...just to ask me what time it is.
- My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you"... I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation
Funny Bone Jokes
Here is a list of funny funny bone jokes and even better funny bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens if you boil your funny bone? You make a laughing stock of yourself :)
- Did you know, if you boil a funny bone... It becomes a laughing stock.
- What do you call a beach with crooked waves? A Scoli-ocean!
- I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke... But I couldn't think of anything humorous.
- There's no such thing as the funny bone... But I heard the upper arm is quite humerus.
- Why do people with no arms make bad comedians? Because they haven't got a funny bone in their body.
- How do you keep a skeleton from joking? Take away his funny bone.
- Just had an operation on my funny bone.... Doctor said I'll be in stitches for 2 weeks.
- What do you get when you boil a funny bone? Laughingstock.
- Where do you go when you break your funny bone? The Hahaspital.
Not Funny Knock Knock Jokes
Here is a list of funny not funny knock knock jokes and even better not funny knock knock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Took too many melatonins and wrote down a few jokes, this was the only one that was still funny in the morning "Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Doorbell repair guy, is now an alright time?" - Knock Knock Who's there?
Hawaii
Hawaii Who?
I'm good how are you?
Kids are too funny! - Knock knock. 9. Nein your business. German knock knock jokes are non interactive for efficiency.... and they're not very funny.
- This is not mine but I thought it was funny. "Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"John."
"John who?"
John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.
Funny Ha Ha Jokes
Here is a list of funny funny ha ha jokes and even better funny ha ha puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Laughing scale Ha – Mildly amusing
Haha – Funny
Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – Stayin alive - Son, do we have any dopted? Son: What is a dopted?
Dad: You are!
Son: Ha ha funny one dad.(Sarcastically)
Dad: I'm not your dad! - I bought a cake that had "ha ha" written on it It tasted funny
- What do you call a funny type of coffee? A brew ha-ha!
- What's the sound of a funny motorbike company? Yama-ha-ha-ha.
Silly & Ridiculous Funny Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about funny you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comedic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make funny pranks.
My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK!
A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny
No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny)
The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!
moles
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
Three homeless guys got drunk and passed out side by side in an alley
In the morning the first guy wakes up and says "I dreamt someone was jerking me off last night!". The second guys says, "that's funny, me too!" The guy in the middle said, "Not me, I dreamt I was skiing."
Robin Williams' Favorite Joke
Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...
So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.
Sitting around the outdoor campfire I chuckle to myself
My friend asks, what's so funny?
I reply, "I can't tell you out here, it's an inside joke."
My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died...
She got eaten by a giant crab
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
My plumber has a funny sense of humour
My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during s**....
The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:
"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
Two surgeons are laughing during an operation when a dermatologist walks by...
"What's so funny?" asks the dermatologist.
"Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.
An Atheist...
Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."
The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? h**.... He made over 60,000 Jews toast."
God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."
The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."
Kids walks in on parents having s**...
A kid walks by his parents room and sees his parents having s**.... The dad notices his son standing there so he just winks and keeps on going. The next day the dad walks by his sons room and sees his son plowing into grandma. The kids turns to his dad and says " not so funny when it's your mom is it?"
If you don't have friends, just tell a woman that you love her and she says that we're just friends.
Two clowns are running for public office...
It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
What do you call a funny snake?
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERICAL
^^^my ^^^son ^^^^told ^^^^^me ^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^one..
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having s**...
The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"
His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."
The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."
I went to a party last night...
..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.
I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.
Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.
People always tell me I'm funny
and I always have to remind them I'm Dad.
I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like l**... an ashtray."
"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.
My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.
Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
Loyalty is very important for my wife...
My girlfriend doesn't care.
Funny how different sisters can be.
Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.
Cannibal 1: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Cannibal 2: "Not at all, and there's plenty to go around!"
A father says to his son, "Son, you're adopted."
Son: "What? That's not funny, dad."
Dad: "Yup, pack your stuff, they'll be here in an hour."
Six year old Kid looking at Mom's ID card...
s**... - F
He laughs...
Mom : Whats so funny ?
Kid : I can't believe you are
so bad in s**....
You Failed in it!!
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
I was on a blind date with this girl...
And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."
Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..
Grandma's f**... herself again
What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
A bassist.
(Don't get triggered, I play bass and I find this funny)
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English
Flat Earthers
It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
Son, will you pass me the Dop Ted?
"What's a dop ted?"
"You are! You're adopted."
"Very funny Dad."
"I'm not your dad."
Good choice.
Me: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.
Her: And what is the best method?
Me: Chloroform.
Her: You are funny!
Me: Good choice.
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. They're efficient and not very funny.
My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?
Because he was dribbling. 😊
A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven
On arrival in heaven, the Holocaust survivor tells God a Holocaust joke. God says, "that's not funny." The survivor replies, "ah, well, you had to be there."
My wife just said ' its funny how s**... is always better on holiday'
I'll be honest it's not the nicest postcard I've ever received
A captain was flying over a mental hospital...
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
If BJ is Bad Joke then what is B+iJ?
Complex Bad Joke.
And if you didn't find it funny, that's because the Joke part was imaginary.
I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
A man asks his wife why did she get married to him
"Because you're very funny."
"I thought it was because I'm good in bed."
"You see? You're hilarious!"
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
Seriously, gay jokes aren't funny
Come on guys.
It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you
him: Knock knock
me: Who's there?
him: A snail
me: a snail who?
him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why
An old man is selling watermelons...
His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."
A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night
She leans in to my mom and says
When is Mother's Day?
My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says
Nine months after fathers night
My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling funny!
#prouddadmoment
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?
A mistake
- I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.