The Funniest Funniest Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!
Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most n**... joke involving a Disney character.
Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[
Does anyone know any good renal/kidney jokes?
I'm in nursing school right now and there's a competition in one of my classes for the funniest renal joke. I can't think of any! Help?
What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?
I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course)
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
... A FSHHH
Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
First came up with this joke when I was 5 and it's still the funniest thing I've ever said.
Q. What do you call a line of Barbies?
A. A Barbecue!
I'm looking for the funniest short joke ever
Not short as in small, short as in short
Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?
i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.
What do you get when you cross an oven with a car?
A hot rod.
NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.
This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)
You can explore funniest comedy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean funniest humorous dad jokes. There are also funniest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Boy To Girl
Boy : You are the most funniest & most beautiful girl I've ever met.
Girl : You just want to screw me , Don't you ?
Boy : Wow ! and smart too ... !
Eight year old tells funniest joke
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
Two engineers meet each other on their way into work
One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
My fiancé said the funniest thing out of context today.
Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat s**....
What is the funniest two legged lizard?
The stand-up chameleon.
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
There should be a multi-event competition for finding out who the funniest people in the world are.
We could call it the LOLympics.
\r\jokes has the funniest most original content
But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.
What's the funniest part of a boxing joke?
You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints...
Whos the funniest disney princess?
raPUNzel
*sits there laughing to self*
...so lonely..
A man with a gun enters a bar.
He tells everyone he is there to shoot the man who slept with his wife.
A person from the back of the bar yells "you don't have enough bullets."
Note: I heard this joke a few years ago and it's still the funniest I've ever heard.
In Soviet Russia, a Judge bursts into his chambers laughing
*"I've just heard the funniest joke about Stalin... ever!"*
*"Well, go ahead and tell us."*, the other Judges ask.
*"I can't. I just gave someone a life sentence for it."*
A Russian judge walks out of has chambers laughing his head off.
A colleague approaches him and asks him why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well go ahead and tell me," says the second judge. "I can't - I just gave someone ten years for it!"
What is the funniest part of the human body?
It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
Whats the funniest bone in the body?
The HUMOURUS!
What's the funniest place in the world?
The Bahahahamas.
What's the funniest motorcycle?
A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)
^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...
Funniest joke I've ever heard
A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.
The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"
The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."
The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."
The judge says, "I can't. I just sent someone to the Gulag for it!!"
I hate when people say women aren't funny...
After all feminism is one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard of
Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job
knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
A man named Rick went shirt shopping with his wife and asked her:
\- What size should I pick?
\- Pick L, Rick.
Haha that's the funniest s\*\*t I've ever seen.
One from 3rd Grade: What's the name of the funniest mountain range?
The Himhilarious
Still my funniest joke
A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name so we can return the wallet?" And the random guy responds " no I just want to dedicate him a song" (sorry for my English I'm Spanish) :)
Germanys funniest joke according to research
A man comes to the fortune teller and sits in front of the crystal ball. "I see you have two children," says the fortune teller.
"YOU believe that!" He replies. "I am a father of three."
The fortune teller smiles and answers: "YOU believe that!"
What is the funniest animal to a six-year old?
Peacock
My mum is the funniest person in the world
She made a joke 19 years ago and people are still laughing at it.
I have a joke on Donald Trump.
It's a great joke. With a good buildup and a punch, and whatever. I showed it to my friends -- you know some of them are really good judge of jokes. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. Almost everyone agrees it's good. Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny. You know they love to laugh. You maybe even say it's the funniest joke ever. I have THE BEST JOKE in the world.
I keep telling my kids that limousine jokes are the funniest kind.
They think it's bit of a stretch though
Wanna hear the funniest joke?
It's quarantine.
Don't get it? Oh well, it's an inside joke..
Why did no one give Elsa a balloon for her birthday?
Because she'll just Let It Go.
told to me by a 7yo that thought it was the funniest thing they've ever heard.
A Soviet judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off
A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing."I just heard the funniest joke in the world!".
"Well", his colleague says, " Dont keep a good joke to yourself, go ahead and tell me!"
The other judge replies,"I can't – I just gave someone ten years for it!"
What's the funniest landscape?
Hill areas.
I've seen a lot of you getting the funniest jokes from your kids, so I tried asking my lil sister to give me one too
She told me to look into the mirror
What's the funniest thing you've stolen?
A joke.
If you tilt a Q-tip on it's side,
It's no longer a Q-tip.
It's askew-tip.
>!Funniest joke I've ever come up with!<
What is the funniest time of day?
7:07 because when you flip it upside down, it says LOL!
This joke was invented by my 8 year old daughter so be nice please :)
The funniest thing my grandpa ever said
I was visiting my grandparents a couple years back and my grandma brought up that the PA at the local clinic, an attractive 30-something year-old woman, was moving out of town. My grandpa piped up with "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Do you know how hard it is for a man my age to get a 33 year old woman to put her finger up my b**...?"
He passed away this morning. I love you grandpa.
Did you hear about the Soviet judge?
He walks out of the courtroom laughing his head off, and another judge asks what's so funny. He says he just heard the funniest joke of his life, so judge 2 asks him to tell it. Then judge 1 says "I can't. I just gave someone 10 years for it."
Who was the funniest pope in history?
**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.
What dog breed is the funniest?
Pit bulls, they leave everyone in stitches.
Disclaimer: I am a pit owner, and I still found this funny. Please don't inundate me with pro-pitty rebuttals, I already know.
I just read the funniest joke on Reddit...
For the thousandth time.
Just read the funniest joke on reddit…
for the 1,001st time
What is the funniest candy of all?
A LOL-lipop.
