Following is our collection of funniest Funniest jokes. There are some funniest stupidest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these funniest cleverest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[
I'm in nursing school right now and there's a competition in one of my classes for the funniest renal joke. I can't think of any! Help?
I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course)
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
... A FSHHH
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
Q. What do you call a line of Barbies?
A. A Barbecue!
Not short as in small, short as in short
i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.
A hot rod.
NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
Because they have big fingers!
Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)
You can explore funniest shortest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean funniest humerus dad jokes. There are also funniest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Boy : You are the most funniest & most beautiful girl I've ever met.
Girl : You just want to screw me , Don't you ?
Boy : Wow ! and smart too ... !
Comment the stupidest, funniest joke you know!
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman.
The stand-up chameleon.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
We could call it the LOLympics.
It's near-humerus.
But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.
You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints...
raPUNzel
*sits there laughing to self*
...so lonely..
He tells everyone he is there to shoot the man who slept with his wife.
A person from the back of the bar yells "you don't have enough bullets."
Note: I heard this joke a few years ago and it's still the funniest I've ever heard.
*"I've just heard the funniest joke about Stalin... ever!"*
*"Well, go ahead and tell us."*, the other Judges ask.
*"I can't. I just gave someone a life sentence for it."*
A colleague approaches him and asks him why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well go ahead and tell me," says the second judge. "I can't - I just gave someone ten years for it!"
It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
The HUMOURUS!
The Bahahahamas.
A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)
^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...
A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.
The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"
The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."
The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."
The judge says, "I can't. I just sent someone to the Gulag for it!!"
No clue. But I'll give you $20 if you laugh.
A Punzi scheme.
After all feminism is one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard of
Like "See you soon, dad."
Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest
\- What size should I pick?
\- Pick L, Rick.
Haha that's the funniest s\*\*t I've ever seen.
Not me
The Himhilarious
A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name so we can return the wallet?" And the random guy responds " no I just want to dedicate him a song" (sorry for my English I'm Spanish) :)
A man comes to the fortune teller and sits in front of the crystal ball. "I see you have two children," says the fortune teller.
"YOU believe that!" He replies. "I am a father of three."
The fortune teller smiles and answers: "YOU believe that!"
Peacock
She made a joke 19 years ago and people are still laughing at it.
It's a great joke. With a good buildup and a punch, and whatever. I showed it to my friends -- you know some of them are really good judge of jokes. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. Almost everyone agrees it's good. Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny. You know they love to laugh. You maybe even say it's the funniest joke ever. I have THE BEST JOKE in the world.
They think it's bit of a stretch though
It's quarantine.
Don't get it? Oh well, it's an inside joke..
Because she'll just Let It Go.
told to me by a 7yo that thought it was the funniest thing they've ever heard.
A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing."I just heard the funniest joke in the world!".
"Well", his colleague says, " Dont keep a good joke to yourself, go ahead and tell me!"
The other judge replies,"I can'tΒ β I just gave someone ten years for it!"
Hill areas.
She told me to look into the mirror
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the funniest punny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working funniest craziest piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.