The Best 47 Funnies Jokes

Tell me the funniest clean joke you know.

For my research and speech class I have to tell a joke but it has to be clean. Nothing dirty, racist, sexist etc. It has to be appropriate. So what's the funniest clean joke you know?

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course)

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

... A FSHHH

What is your funniest joke about the French?

Mine is this: How do you pick out the Frenchmen in a room full of naked soldiers? They're the ones with sunburned armpits.

I'm looking for the funniest short joke ever

Not short as in small, short as in short

What is the funniest clean but sounds dirty joke that you know?

Example:

What is pink, hard and dry when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out?

Bubblegum

I heard they are making Frozen 2..

..I think they just need to let it go.

My mom's funnies are rare and usually unintentional.

Funniest movie punchline ever

You know what to do.

Here's a picture of my cousin. Brothers and sisters of the Photoshop lend your skills. Funnies needed.

Who's the funniest shooter around?

Elliot Rotflgers.

Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).

Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.

GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

My fiancé said the funniest thing out of context today.

Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman.

You know what the funniest thing is about dementia?

You know what the funniest thing is about dementia?

What is the funniest two legged lizard?

The stand-up chameleon.

What's the funniest thing the rock said to the geologist ?

Nothing. Because rocks don't talk and geology's not funny.

What is the funniest name for male prostitutes?

Peter sellers.

What's the funniest part of a boxing joke?

You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints...

What's the funniest fish in the world?

Piranhahahahaha

Don't lynch me

The funniest joke I ever heard was about the Jonestown cult...

The punchline absolutely killed me!

What is the funniest bird alive?

A Hahastrich!

What's the funniest software?

Lotus Notes

What is the funniest part of the human body?

It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia

What's the funniest place in the world?

The Bahahahamas.

What's the funniest motorcycle?

A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)

^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

What's the funniest continent?

Laughfrica

What are some of the funniest foreign names you have come across that unintentionally sound funny in English?

I once met a guy called "Sukhdeep"

Who's the funniest princess?

Ra-pun-zel

Funniest joke I've ever heard

A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.

The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"

The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."

The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."

The judge says, "I can't. I just sent someone to the Gulag for it!!"

What's the funniest type of bribery?

No clue. But I'll give you $20 if you laugh.

I got the funniest joke you'll ever hear in your life.

But I'm scared that people will call it a repost.

I watched Liverpool in the Champions League Final on YouTube on Friday night.

I thought YouTube only done funnies, Boy did they they come up with the goods that night. Funniest thing I have ever seen.

The funniest joke here is that y'all complain about reposts but yet still upvote them anyway

There i said it

I'm the funniest person in the world

Just kidding

You know the funniest thing about apathy?

No one cares.

You know what the funniest joke of all is?

OP in the comments saying "Just repeating it like I heard it!"

Who's the funniest person in the world?

A cop when you're getting pulled over.

The Funniest German Joke

There were two peanuts walking down the Straße. One was assaulted.

Peanut.

This is the funniest joke on this sub

I didn't think I'd actually have to write a joke. It's always in the comments anyway.

Funniest thing I've heard is

You having a girlfriend

What's the funniest thing about clowns?

They're just as dead inside as all of us but don't try and make it everybody else's problem

Funniest/Cheesiest pick-up lines?

Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest

Funniest person on this sub is

Not me

Still my funniest joke

A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name so we can return the wallet?" And the random guy responds " no I just want to dedicate him a song" (sorry for my English I'm Spanish) :)

What is the funniest animal to a six-year old?

Peacock

The funniest but meanest thing I heard a parent say to his kid on her birthday.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

What's the funniest landscape?

Hill areas.

How do dyslexic rabbits pass the time?

They buck like funnies.