Funeral Undertaker Jokes
7 funeral undertaker jokes and hilarious funeral undertaker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about funeral undertaker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funeral Undertaker Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good funeral undertaker joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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First day as an undertaker
A brand new undertaker walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was the first day on the job?" the bartender asks. "Not good. Had my first f**... today and I managed to drop the casket as I was loading it into the car," the undertaker says. "Luckily my boss was understanding. He told me I just need to rehearse it."
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So
Just before the f**... services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? Ninety-eight, she replied. Two years older than I am.
So you're ninety-six, the undertaker said.
She responded, Hardly worth going home, is it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking past the f**... directors.
I was walking past the f**... directors the other day, and I looked in, and was shocked to see a large, hairy elephant in a black suit showing a family a head stone.
I thought to myself "That's a mammoth undertaking."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jamaican man's wife dies in Jerusalem
A Jamaican man and his nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The f**... company told the man that it could cost $500, 000 to ship her home to Jamaica or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said, "ship her home" shocked, the undertaker asked, but sir why don't you bury her in holy land and save the money? To which the husband replied. A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead.......I can't take that chance.
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Black and Blue
A new widow, upon learning that her late husband had been dressed in a black suit for burial, told the f**... director she wanted a blue suit instead; it was his favorite color and she would pay extra for the change.
On the day of the f**..., there was her husband in his coffin with a form-fitting blue suit.
Afterwards, she asked the undertaker about the extra charge. He replied, No charge. Glad to do it for you! You see, the same day you asked me about that, another man's body arrived, wearing a beautiful blue suit. I asked his widow, and she wasn't particular about the suit.
So I switched the heads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The farmer's wife went into a coma...
... at home, and he summoned the doctor.
"She's gone," said the doc after examining the woman. "I'm very sorry. I'll call the f**... home for you."
The morticians carried the body down the porch steps and started to round the corner of the house into the driveway when the lead bearer suddenly lurched to avoid a holly bush, lost his balance, and dropped his end of the stretcher. The jolt brought the woman back to consciousness. In a week, she'd made a full recovery and was back at the farm.
Several years later she went into a coma again. This time the doctor sadly assured her husband she was unquestionably dead.
The undertakers were summoned. As the stretcher bearers inched down the steps and headed for the driveway with the corpse, the farmer cautioned, "Watch out for that holly bush."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her.
Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the f**... parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the f**... the following day.
When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied.
“His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.”
Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker.
“After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
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