The Best 37 Funds Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Funds jokes. There are some funds jeweler jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these funds payment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Funds Jokes and Puns
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Arty
Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly murder her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?
A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.
A client comes to a bank
A client comes to a bank:
– My cheque was returned with a remark: Insufficient funds . I'd like to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?
Girls just wanna have
Funds
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything that I called the Suicide Lifeline. I was forwarded to a call centre in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck...
If a bank every returns a check marked "Insufficient funds"
Ask if they meant you or them.
Why was the ginger declined when he tried to sell his soul to the devil?
Insufficient funds.
The ATM told me, "Not enough funds in account," when I tried to withdraw.
This ATM needs a bigger account.
What do you call a person who funds and encourages a streetfight?
A kickstarter
Okay, I am getting really irritated
This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"
You can explore funds fees reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean funds raiser dad jokes. There are also funds puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below
and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
I was at my divorce settlement yesterday, when I announced I would like to make a suggestion...
They agreed, so I told them, "She can have the car, the house, all the funds in our joint account and full custody of our children on one condition... I get to keep whatever I have in my pocket."
"It's a deal!" my wife said, with a smug look on her face.
"You obviously didn't check the lottery numbers last night, did you?"
Where do whales keep their funds?
A sperm bank.
Every ATM I went to today gave me a receipt that said Not enough funds.
The bank really needs to get their life together.
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.
I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
I started a charity that raises funds for disaster relief via sex-work...
I call it: Thots and Prayers
What do you get when you cross an elephant and an octopus?
A visit from the ehtics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funds.
Where do gum chewing cattle invest?
Moo-chew-all funds
Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom...
...but we could only come up with half.
Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
They should stock ATM's better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
Bad medicine...
Trump wants to cancel $100 million in research funds for Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.
I can't remember why, but I bet that'll really shake things up.
Wikipedia's constant begging for funds is annoying but it has an effect on me.
I think this year I will detonate.
I'm never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Banks should really do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
I went to four different ones today and they all said "Insufficient Funds"
I'm so poor my only funds are daylight savings...
but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.
What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?
A good start. HOLD the LINE.
After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses
I guess you could say those... companies love misery
Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.
As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery.
That's where hedge funds come from!
After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.
He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
The economy is so bad
The economy is so bad, if the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds" you call & ask if they meant you or them.....
A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.
So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.
He said Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.
An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pews…
I'll take him, him, and him!
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Xmas….
This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds
What should cows invest in?
Mootual funds
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the funds charity jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working funds verify piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.