The Best 50 Fund Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Fund jokes. There are some fund substantial jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fund collections puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Fund Jokes and Puns
Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?
The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.
The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.
Where did the man with an undecorated yard put his spare change?
His Hedge Fund.
Elon Musk's space travel corp. decided not to fund the recent reboot of Carrie, just because they were scared...
I guess you could say it was a *Sissy SpaceX.*
What do you call an investment partnership run by friendly Swedes?
a Hej Fund
What's the difference between a mosquito and a hedge fund manager? A mosquito will stop sucking your blood before its head explodes.
Full disclosure: Got this from Bill Mahr
You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone under 30 stole a joke from my generation...
Then I would be able to afford to fund the pension that the government stole from me.
I'm starting a fund to help build a new hitch-hiking robot, please donate.
Every little bit helps.
What do you get if you cross a gardener with a banker?
A box hedge fund!
I interned at the Dow Jones News Fund.
It had its ups and downs.
With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.
If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?
What's a fundamentalist Christian's favorite type of car?
A convertible.
You can explore fund valuable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fund portfolio dad jokes. There are also fund puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call the tabletop for investment fund managers?
Warhammer 401(k)
What do you call the CFO of a landscaping company?
A hedge fund manager
Does the Ku Klux Klan hold a 3k run every year as a fund raiser?
Shouldn't they? I mean, they are racists after all. The publicity just writes itself.
What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays?
The week force.
Open message to Zarna Joshi
Go fund yourself.
(not many will get this)
What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.
"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.
"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."
"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.
"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.
"Applied psychology."
What's the difference between a Pakistani hospital and a terrorist camp?
We don't fund hospitals in Pakistan
Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?
Because interest in the Bond is so low.
What do you call a bush in a suit?
A hedge fund manager
I have this idea for a toothbrush, but don't have any money to fund development...
I've decided to try a kicks-tartar
I spent my children's college fund on a boat...
I'm going to call it the scholarship.
Whats the difference between a hippie and a mutual fund.
Eventually a mutual fund matures and gains profit
I read recently that the New York mob helped fund and protect the underground gay clubs in the 60s.
Guess you could call them the Free Dicks Mafia
I heard that after Hurricane Irma, FEMA will run out of money.
This is surprising since I thought they would have a rainy day fund.
What's a fundamental building block of life, but also the bread of a car?
Car-buns
Where can you fund the best view of California?
The italian-american alternative to Kickstarter...
ey... Go fund yourself!
Local college starts fund for blind people
They never saw it coming
When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.
He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.
I always thought it was weird that my parent's medicine cabinet was also where they stored the alcohol.
i fund out later that they were just trying to cure what ales me.
What do you call a landscaper's bank account?
A hedge fund
Bill Gates has agreed to fund Trump's border wall...
On the one condition that they install Windows.
When I was kidnapped, my parents immediately sprung into action.
They spent my college fund on a luxury cruise.
What would you call it if the US federally legalized marijuana, and used the tax revenue to fund the border wall to Mexico?
Bi-partisanship at the highest level
A priest, a rabbi, and a hipster walk into a bar...
The hipster says "man, this set-up is soooo played-out. I'm not gonna ruin my cred by staying, so I'm outie 5000." He then gets on his fixed-gear bicycle and rides it home to his loft that he pays for with money from his trust fund. He reads Bukowski by tap light in his futon until he falls asleep. And he lived ironically ever after.
Trump should Crowd fund his wall!
Does Kickstarter accept Peso?
A hacker saw my financials
He set up a go fund me
What do you do if the US doesn't have money to fund something like universal healthcare?
Just say it's for the military.
The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.
Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.
How did they fund four weddings and a funeral?
A Huge Grant
My friend told me he got hit hard, lost 40% of his net profit in the market in the last year.
I said "so? I lost 85% of my net worth in the market in 1 day"
He said "what? Was it in a mutual fund?!"
I was like "no....my iPhone was stolen at the grocery store"
I went to a hedge fund manager's work to punch him in the face
And order a McDouble
To the game stop hedge fund investors: I know you spent 70 billion.
But the best I can offer you is $4 in credit.
A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.
The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The redditor pushes him in. 16, 16, 16....
I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.
But Soon after, I realized there's already a Charity for them, The US Government.
Heard of the nun that stole a fortune to fund her gambling habit?
The first clue probably should have been that she spent a fortune on a habit specifically for gambling.
Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance!
All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.
Wanna know how to fund the Taliban?
Pay your taxes.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fund financial jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working fund skyrocket piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.