Function Jokes
108 function jokes and hilarious function puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about function that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy some laughs related to all things math! Our collection of hilarious function jokes covers topics like piecewise functions, quadratic equations, linear equations, exponential equations, trigonometric equations, operations, deriving, and integrating. Laugh out loud as you learn about functions in math and how they can be applied to real life.
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Funniest Function Short Jokes
Short function jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The function humour may include short helper jokes also.
- I'm the kind of guy that knows what every woman really wants Pockets. Women want fully functional pockets.
- The human brain is amazing It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
- Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs. Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".
- My boss pulled me aside at work one day And said you're a high functioning alcoholic, I asked him how he knew that I was also high
- An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
- My girlfriend is weird. Sometimes she wants my time, then sometimes suddenly she wants her space We don't seem to have established a functional continuum
- Only programmers will get this one: Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Ans: Because they had too many arguments. - My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions. Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.
- Picking up girls is like the Cotangent function. I don't understand the cotangent function.
- It's my job to fully test the functionality of newly-manufactured toilets and urinals. I go where no man has ever gone before.
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Function One Liners
Which function one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with function? I can suggest the ones about purpose and task.
- f(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions
- My graphing calculator works really well... Some would say it functions perfectly.
- Once you stop doing functional programming... You never return
- Why did x and y break up? They couldn't function together.
- Why did the functions stop calling each other? Because they had constant arguments.
- So they finally made an affordable and functional jetpack The sales are through the roof
- What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much? A functioning alcoholic.
- What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers? An exponential crisis.
- How do functions break up? They stop calling each other.
- TIL some parts of the Titanic are still functional to this day! The pools are still full!
- I don't really understand the function of a coin press... But I guess it makes cents.
- The mathematician worked from home, Because he only functioned in his domain.
- Old mathematicians never die, They just lose some of their functions.
- At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they are empty.
- Are you a rational function? because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.
Brain Function Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain function jokes and even better brain function puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend keeps talking about eating vegetables and I'm beginning to find it kind of disturbing. I mean, I know they haven't really got a functioning brain, but they're still human.
- Hey guys I need some help. My assignment's asking how would humans function without their brain. I can't think of anything...
- How is a vote for Hillary Clinton like a lobotomy? One means your brain will never function fully and one is a medical procedure.
Exponential Function Jokes
Here is a list of funny exponential function jokes and even better exponential function puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pi and the exponential function got married, but it didn't last. Their last big fight:
e^x: Pi, I can never figure you out!
Pi: Me? The more you seem to change, the more you just stay the same! - Here is my love story. I am differentiation and she is an exponential function.
- What do mathematicians think about exponential functions? They're radical.
Trig Function Jokes
Here is a list of funny trig function jokes and even better trig function puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a blind trig function? Se-cant.
Function Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about function you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean void jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make function pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
Two functions walk down the street
Two functions walk down the street, 5 and e^x. They see Derivative walking towards them. 5 freaks out, screaming Oh no! Oh no! Derivative is going to come up and operate on me, and then I'll be zero - Oh no!! e^x smugly walks up to Derivative and says, Ha! I'm e^x. You can operate on me all you want and I'll still be e^x. You can't touch me. Derivative looks up, raises an eyebrow, and responds, Oh yeah? I'm partial, with respect to Y.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The blinds store
So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of i**... activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm going to open a building that functions as a s**... bank as well as a u**... analysis center.
It'll be called "coming or going".
The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...
I told them it wasn't pressing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What function do the bumps on a n**... serve?
Its brail for, "s**... This."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning p**...?
I don't know, I thought he came across as two c**....
i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning.
Math joke: Why can't you derivate a social scientist?
Because they don't have a function
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
I found the meaning of life!
noun
the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?
An Al Gore-ithm
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
The functions were throwing a party
Sinus, cosinus and tangens were dancing like crazy. Only e^x was all alone in the corner of the room, so sinus walked to it and asked "Hey, exponential! How are you doing? Why don't you try to integrate yourself?" "I'm trying!!! But nothing happens..."
ha. ah. ah. \*cough\* _i'm a nerd :'(_
Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions?
They're not hole-y.
Girlfriends are like phone apps
They come with in-app purchases, and need the reassurance of updates to function well.
English is not my first language but I think my boss appreciates me
He always says I am this functional!
Why don't we use some Fourier Analysis on our relationship
And reduce to a series of periodic functions.
I have a lot in common with my brake rotors..
We're both warped and barely functioning.
What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?
They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a r**... with a functioning car?
Lucky
My company replaced me with a robot that performs all my functions.
Then my wife bought one
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
What's the easiest way to explain a refractory period to a mathematician?
The function of the limit is the limit of the function.
I found out my friend is addicted to math.
I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...
My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge...
...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."
Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.
I got no clue what she was talking about
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A village of mathematical functions is slumbering
when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential operator calmly replies: but I am d over dt, and proceeds to s**... the poor exponential.
Why can't Steven hawking drive
Because he has no motor function
What do you call a Quantum Physicist's signature?
A wave function.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are discussing their s**... life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
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What is the only trigonometric function with s**... assault allegations against it?
cos(b)
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful p**... attended a high profile function..
When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the p**..., she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area of specialization.
The lady calmly responded "I demolish erections"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Its crazy how some people die after having a s**..., but others just lose a b**... function and are otherwise okay..
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I know an o**... addict who is s**... but high functioning
She's an oxymoron
Job interviewer: What two words best describe you?
Me: Functioning Alcoholic
I have a Chinese friend named Cheng.
At an official function, we were having snacks.
I asked him, "Cheng, do you ever get fed up of people saying that all Chinese look the same?"
He replied, "Cheng has gone to the washroom. I am his wife!
Day 32 of the government shutdown
That makes it just over two years since we've had a functioning government
So a dad and his son go into a bar...
His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Foucault: Schools serve the same social functions as prisons and hospitals.
Foucault's mother: You're still going.
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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x
Then;
being a lying a**... h**... = f(my(x))
should be an easy equation to understand
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Jokes about female b**... functions are not funny.
Period.
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Sad news but a good friend of mine just had a s**.... He says he lost functionality of the left side his body.
When I called to ask how he's doing he said I guess I'm all right now.
Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and b**... functions.
The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement." The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I c**... like a cow." "So what's your problem?" ask the others. "I don't wake up until nine!"
If Government was software how would you describe its issues?
Answer: Too much middleware and a major lack of API functionality.
A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event.
It's becoming a really popular wave function.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My grandpa likes to boast that his b**... functions are like clockwork
Now he wasn't always like this so he's been taking extra pride in it:
"everyday I go to sleep at 21 o'clock.then at 5:30 a.m. I take a p**....At 5:45 I have a s**...,and at 6 a.m. sharp I wake up."
Did you hear about the mathematicians who got a divorce?
There were irreconcilable differences and one was a functioning alcoholic
Do you know any maths jokes?
Yeah |ly|
When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.
I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Facebook company has changed its name to Meta
This reminds me of the time I was at a function with Mark Zuckerberg.
I Meta morally corrupt, reptile looking a**....
As a teacher, one of the things I used to dread most was seeing one of my students out in public. So imagine my surprise when I saw 18 year old Kristen out one Saturday night in a 21 and over establishment. She saw me at the same time, came over and loudly asked, "What the heck are YOU doing here?!"
I said, "Well, I'm a functioning alcoholic, it's Saturday night, and I am 32 years old. So I really think the better question here is... how much are the lap dances?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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All the mathematical functions are having a party
The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.
so the inverse function asks what's wrong.
To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.
(courtesy of my physics teacher, I translated from French so might s**..., don't gimme too much flak)
Another google meme...
Me: what is the meaning of life?
Google:
*noun*
1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the existence of an individual human being or animal."a disaster that claimed the lives of 266 Americans"
Came up with this one a while ago but not enough Karma to post here, till now.
I was at a function and a guy at our table was talking about fixing up an old truck. He said he was going to replace the muffler first. I chimed in...
Don't do that first... you'll be too exhausted to do the anything else
