Function Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."
Two functions walk down the street
Two functions walk down the street, 5 and e^x. They see Derivative walking towards them. 5 freaks out, screaming Oh no! Oh no! Derivative is going to come up and operate on me, and then I'll be zero - Oh no!! e^x smugly walks up to Derivative and says, Ha! I'm e^x. You can operate on me all you want and I'll still be e^x. You can't touch me. Derivative looks up, raises an eyebrow, and responds, Oh yeah? I'm partial, with respect to Y.
The blinds store
So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.
Why can't you differentiate liberal arts majors?
They have no function.
What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?
Its brail for, "Suck This."
i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning.
Math joke: Why can't you derivate a social scientist?
Because they don't have a function
Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?
Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.
^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0
What functions worse than the US Government?
A Greek Bank.
Hey guys I need some help. My assignment's asking how would humans function without their brain.
I can't think of anything...
Sweaters aren't the only garment named after a gross bodily function...
There's wind breakers, too
You can explore function derive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean function duties dad jokes. There are also function puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Your mama is so fat that
the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
Are you a rational function?
because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.
Hey girl, are you a derivative function?
Cuz I wanna be tangent to your curves.
What do you call a blind trig function?
Se-cant.
A fart is the only bodily function which has its own punctuation.
The skid mark.
All the mathematical functions went to a party...
There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself
They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"
To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"
What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?
An Al Gore-ithm
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
A Mexican wrote a function for me today
It was a sine from Jèsus
The functions were throwing a party
Sinus, cosinus and tangens were dancing like crazy. Only e^x was all alone in the corner of the room, so sinus walked to it and asked "Hey, exponential! How are you doing? Why don't you try to integrate yourself?" "I'm trying!!! But nothing happens..."
ha. ah. ah. \*cough\* _i'm a nerd :'(_
Girlfriends are like phone apps
They come with in-app purchases, and need the reassurance of updates to function well.
Why does the bank never loan money to a C program?
Because it's main function is to always return 0;
Why did x and y break up?
They couldn't function together.
Why is the media making such a big deal about the olympic swimmer's period?
It's a perfectly normal female body function that, according to my wife, occurs 2-3 times per month.
What is Internet Explorer's function?
To install Chrome.
'I Love You' is a mathematical function
'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,
'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..
A quick question...
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my girlfriend?
I am like an electron....
My wife can only make guesses at my precise location by means of a probability function
What does a C++ function and a cellphone activated suicide bomber have in common?
Both are executed when they're called.
What's the easiest way to explain a refractory period to a mathematician?
The function of the limit is the limit of the function.
A conversation between a forgetful mathematician and a blonde
Mathematician: "Excuse me, I seem to have forgotten the value for the sine function. Do you know what it is?"
Blonde: Ah???
Mathematician: No, not that, that's for cosine.
Blonde: Oh...
Mathematician: That's it! Thank you!
Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs.
Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".
How do functions break up?
They stop calling each other.
Why did the trigonometruc function cross the street?
It did not want to lie tangent to it
A movie about the maximum function in coding and signal transformation applications in road planning:
"Math.Max Fourier Road"
A village of mathematical functions is slumbering
when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential operator calmly replies: but I am d over dt, and proceeds to swallow the poor exponential.
Why can't Steven hawking drive
Because he has no motor function
What do you call a Quantum Physicist's signature?
A wave function.
What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers?
An exponential crisis.
Women are discussing their sex life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
What is the only trigonometric function with sexual assault allegations against it?
cos(b)
Baby, are you a relative minimum of a function?
Because when I found you, my life changed from negative to positive.
Why did the derivative of the sine function cross the road?
Just cos
Picking up girls is like the Cotangent function.
I don't understand the cotangent function.
A beautiful prostitute attended a high profile function..
When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the prostitute, she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area of specialization.
The lady calmly responded "I demolish erections"
Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
What's the difference between between the Sine function and a Tropical forest feline ?
While the first oscillates, the second ocelot
I don't really understand the function of a coin press...
But I guess it makes cents.
Things now-a-days are made for looks, not function...
Especially women.
I have a Chinese friend named Cheng.
At an official function, we were having snacks.
I asked him, "Cheng, do you ever get fed up of people saying that all Chinese look the same?"
He replied, "Cheng has gone to the washroom. I am his wife!
Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?
He had a wrecked isle diss function.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.
In Algreba, why is the vertical line test necessary?
You can't function without it
If y = f(x) means y is a function of x
Then;
being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))
should be an easy equation to understand
It's easy to hide a function if it has no Z's
you can hide it in plane sight.
A man was in a horrible car accident
A man wakes up in the ICU with a nurse standing over him. He has tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and he's in terrible pain.
He asks the nurse "What happened?".
The nurse give him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then tells him, "You were in a horrible accident. You may not feel anything from the waist down right now."
The man replies "Can I feel your tits then?"
Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event.
It's becoming a really popular wave function.
The Facebook company has changed its name to Meta
This reminds me of the time I was at a function with Mark Zuckerberg.
I Meta morally corrupt, reptile looking asshole.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses.
Especially when they are empty.
All the mathematical functions are having a party
The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.
so the inverse function asks what's wrong.
To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.
(courtesy of my physics teacher, I translated from French so might suck, don't gimme too much flak)
Pi and the exponential function got married, but it didn't last.
Their last big fight:
e^x: Pi, I can never figure you out!
Pi: Me? The more you seem to change, the more you just stay the same!
A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.
On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"
Came up with this one a while ago but not enough Karma to post here, till now.
I was at a function and a guy at our table was talking about fixing up an old truck. He said he was going to replace the muffler first. I chimed in...
Don't do that first... you'll be too exhausted to do the anything else
First five days
First five days after the weekend are the worst...
Ps. hope it's not a repost, couldnt find it with search function
An unreferenced function walks into a bar
Function says to the bartender, "I need a stiff drink, I've had a rough week."
Bartender asks, "Whats the problem?"
"Nobody calls me anymore!"
