fun Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious fun stories

What are the best Fun puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Fun? Well here is a complete list of Fun dad jokes:

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

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Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

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Slutty girls are like Wal-Marts

Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

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During a funeral...

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening, there was a thunderstorm, and lightning hits the straight tree. It shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bursts out laughing, and says "Who's the faggot now?"

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Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

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God's Vacation

God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,

"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"

St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."

God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I broke my leg there once."

Next, St. Peter suggests Jupiter - "there's an eons-long storm that could be fun."

God says, "no way, I almost got struck by lightning there last time"

So then, St. Peter suggests Earth - "you can do just about anything there."

God fires back, "Fuck that, Pete. I went there 2000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish chick and they're still fucking talking about it!"

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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

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World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.


The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:


*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*

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Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.

They already have enough on their plates.

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I said to my girlfriend.....

I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."

Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."

What fun that was...

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Vacation in Jamaica

Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Β Upon arriving, she meets a black
man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What
is your name?'

'I can't tell you,' the black Β man says.

Every night they meet and every night Β she asks him again what his
name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her
last Β night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'

'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black Β man.

'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' Β the lady says.
'Fine, my name is Snow!' Β the Β black man replies. And the lady bursts
into laughter, and the black man gets mad and Β says, ' I knew you
would make fun of it'.

The Β lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm Β thinking of
my husband who won't believe me when I Β tell him that I enjoyed 10 inches
of Snow every day in Β Jamaica.πŸ’ƒπŸ—»πŸ†

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When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

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10 Funny Pun Jokes

1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? *He's all right now*

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. *It's impossible to put down.*

3. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. *Then it hit me.*

4. I'm glad I know sign language, *it's pretty handy.*

5. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, *he just didn't have the balls to do it.*

6. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, *but eventually it came back to me.*

7. I used to have a fear of hurdles, *but I got over it.*

8. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said *'Keep off the Grass'.*

9. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? *He was lucky it was a soft drink.*
10. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

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Never Mess with Kids

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane.
The man turned to him and said, Let's talk .

Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ?

Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?

Kid:
Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question…
Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?

Man: I don't know.

Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don't know shit.. ?

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Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth.

For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.

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Stanley's Funeral

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, Nope, ain't Stanley .

The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Stanley.

The mortician asked, How can you tell?

Gomer said, Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.
What! He had two ass-holes? asked the mortician.
Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, there's Stanley with them two ass-holes.

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I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

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Mess with someone's mind

Make your day more fun by going up
to a stranger and asking "Hey, how
have you been since the amnesia?"

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Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets...

...because they have no life?

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Fridays!!

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowingin despair, he has his first meeting with The Devil.
The Devil: Why so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
The Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here... Do you drink?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
The Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, brandy, rum, tequila, beer...we drink until we throw up and then we drink some more! It doesn't matter because you're already dead!
Guy: That sounds great.
The Devil: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes.
The Devil: You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer - who cares! You're already dead!
Guy: Wow!
The Devil: Do you gamble?.
Guy: I do.
The Devil: Wednesdays you can gamble all youwant...blackjack, roulette, poker, whatever... If you lose yourshirt...who cares!
Guy: Amazing!
The Devil: You into drugs?
Guy: You don't mean...
The Devil: Yes, Thursdays are drug days. Help yourself toa great all the drugs that your want! Who cares... you're dead!
Guy: I never realized Hell was such a swinging place!!!
The Devil: Are you gay?
Guy: No.
The Devil: Ooooh - you're gonna hate Fridays..

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The Funeral Dog

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men...

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in line."

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A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic ! !

He really had a good time because the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off.

He read the manual but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument. Some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or softer, but still without success.

Panicking, he called the supplier ' s Customer Service Hot Line.

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It's fantastic. But how can I take it off the cow's udder?"

Customer Service replied, "Don't worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about two gallons of milk. "

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THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK!

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".

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It would be really funny to see a woman pirate

Wooden tit?

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A ventriloquist goes to stay on a farm....

A ventriloquist goes to stay on a farm and is receiving a tour from the farmer,as they approach the first field full of horses the ventriloquist decides to have some fun with the farmer.
He walks upto a horse and says "so hows things on the farm?"
Throwing his voice and pretending to be the horse he replies "Yeah,not bad the farmer feeds us well and looks after us"
The farmer is absolutely speechless by this,
The ventriloquist walks off towards the next field which is full of sheep,
The farmer immediately runs after him in a state of panic shouting "DONT LISTEN TO THEM THEY ARE ALL LYING BASTARDS!!"....

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Funeral

Emily died last week after she fell in the lake.

It's a shame she never learned how to swim.

We brought a life preserver to her funeral.

It's what she would have wanted.

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Something really funny happened during attendance...

...You had to be there.

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The neighbours hate us

"The neighbours hate us."

"Why?"

"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"

"Yeah, that was really fun."

"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her huband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"

"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."

"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

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It's a funny old world we live in.

Once we had empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries...

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It's funny how dogs can lick their own balls...

it's so hard for me to do that, they start barking at me before i get anywhere near them.

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A man and a wife are sitting outside...

The wife is bent over in the garden and the man exclaims "Damn! Your butt is almost as wide as the barbecue!" She proceeds to garden and brushes off the remark. Later on that night the man nudges his wife and asks her for some fun. She replies "If you think i'm firing up this grill for one little wiener, you got another thing coming."

Not my joke, I only wish I was this funny...

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Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?

She's probably thick and tired of it.

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A funeral rerun . . .

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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Don't make fun of fat people; they have enough on their plate.

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Two kids watch a pot-bellied man undress in a changing room,

One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the pot-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"

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I've been to a mate's funeral today; he drowned last week...

I got a lot of abuse for my floral tribute in the shape of a life belt.

They said it was in bad taste but I think it's what he would have wanted.

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I saw a guy in a wheelchair being made fun of

I told him to stand up for himself.

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Stop making fun of the fat girl

Shes thick and tired of it.

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Marriage is like a seesaw.

It's not fun if one of them is fat.

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A teenager comes home late one Saturday night

And his dad greeted him asking "Did you have a fun night son?"

"I sure did dad, I lost my virginity."

The dad said "That's awesome son. Here, let's have a couple of beers, you're a man now."

The boy says, " Thanks dad. I could really use one. My ass is killing me."

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At the Funeral

3 gay men died and were all cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral at the same time.

They started discussing what to do with their lover's ashes. The first guy says:

"Gary loved to fly. I'm going to go up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second guy says:

"Mike was a great fisherman. I'm going to spread his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third guy says:

"I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of 5-alarm chili so he can tear up my ass one more time.

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The funeral

One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the funeral.

The day of the funeral comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.

After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"

To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"

At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"

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I'm from the southern US, is it OK to poke fun at myself?

Why don't schools in the south teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on same day?

Too hard on the mule.

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Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

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I know a funny math joke

But I'm 2^2 to say it

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A Cardiologist's Funeral

A great cardiologist is being buried. All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a funeral and he responds "I was picturing my funeral because I'm a gynecologist".

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Great joke to make fun of any profession that is hard to get a job in

I'll be using a musician, since I'm a frustrated musician.

There once was a musician looking for a job, he was starting to get desperate since it had been so long since he made any money. One day he gets excited finding out that there's an opening for a musician in the Circus so he goes to the interview.

Arriving at the Circus, the Circus owner explains to him that unfortunately the musician job opportunity had already been taken, but if he really needed a job he had one for him...the musician is disappointed but so desperate he says he will be up to anything.

The circus owner shows him what he has to do, he has to dress up as a deer and cross the high rope over a cage full of hungry lions... hesitant, but desperate the musician accepts.

On his first night in the job, the musician gets ready for his performance, dresses up as a deer and starts crossing the high rope, when he is halfway through he falls, right into the middle of the lions and all the lions immediately surround him.

The lions start running towards him, getting closer and closer until the closest one is right in front of his face...

The lion takes off his mask and says "don't worry! just play along! we're all musicians!"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best fun jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about fun. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty fun gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these fun jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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