Fuming Jokes
23 fuming jokes and hilarious fuming puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fuming that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Fuming Short Jokes
Short fuming jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fuming humour may include short furious jokes also.
- Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming they were promised a storm...
...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.
I'm here all week. - What do you smell if you (accidentally) burn a cat? Purr-fume...
No cats were harmed in the making of this joke! - Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed. I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could.
- Somebody stole all the books in the White House Donald was fuming he hadn't finished colouring them in
- I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.
- I gave the woman next door the Corona virus The husband was fuming, and I feel morally guilty it goes against what I've been taught.
Thou shall no COVID the neighbors wife.. - When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset.. ..they will be paying per fume.
- A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE" - My wife was fuming just because I was teaching my son how to ride his bike. "Across the motorway doesn't count," she yelled.
Share These Fuming Jokes With Friends
Fuming One Liners
Which fuming one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fuming? I can suggest the ones about raging and incensed.
- At first, I thought "yiffing" meant huffing in paint fumes. I still wish that was true.
- Why did the m**... addict lose the race? He was running on fumes.
Humorous Fuming Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about fuming you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smoking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fuming pranks.
Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.
Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
Do you realise what time it is?!? she stammered.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house.
Immediately her attitude changed, and running down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked What did you buy for the house, dear?"
Tom answered A round of drinks!"
Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.
I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."
I was in the queue at starbucks this morning.
The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.
I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.
So I told them my name was Mocha.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gets on a bus...
with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife approaches her husband - fuming.
She says to him "I've done the dishes, done the laundry, ironed ALL the clothes and cleaned the house. Meanwhile, you've done NOTHING but wait for me to bring you a GOD d**... BEER! What does that say about you??"
The husband replies: "It says I am very patient".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gets on to a bus, holding her unfortunately ugly baby.
The driver laughs and says "what an ugly kid!"
Fuming, the woman sits down and turns to the man next to her. "That driver was so rude to me. I should really give him a piece of my mind."
The man nods sympathetically. "You go tell him, I'll hold your dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her baby get on a bus...
and the bus driver looks over and says, "Good God! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman is fuming as she takes her seat next to a man. She looks over and says, "That bus driver just insulted me!"
The man replies, "Then you go let him have it! Go on! I'll hold your monkey."
A man went back to a pet store fuming.
"Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"
"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."
My boss was fuming.
"I just went to the dock down the road for a leisurely stroll," he yelled, "and I dropped an official paper in the water."
"Can I ask you which document?" I asked.
He said, "I just told you, the one down the road."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So Prince Harry's father doesn't care about the n**... photos of him released.
But Prince Charles is fuming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... had a half-deaf secretary.....
h**... is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"
Multiple-choice test results
I got a 11 out of 200 in a multiple choice test and the teacher was fuming with anger.
To demonstrate how bad I did he took out an empty answer sheet, put a shoe mark on it and fed it into the marking machine.
The result is 18 out of 200...
A blonde is out grocery shopping,
but she's having trouble finding the Toasties. So she asks one of the stockers, to which he replies "I'll see" and walks off. After ten minutes passes without the stocker returning, she finds another stocker where she can find the Toasties, to which he replies "I'll see" and then walks off. After ten minutes, she's fuming at the poor service, so she finds another stocker. This time she demands he take her over to where the Toasties are shelved. So he leads her past the baking goods in Aisle A, the condiments in Aisle B, to the Toasties in Aisle C.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A women enters a bus carrying her baby
As she passes the driver, he remarks, "that's the ugliest baby I have ever seen."
The woman is understandably angry but sits down anyway near the back of the bus. As she sits there, fuming, a man sitting next to her notices and asks, "what's wrong?"
"The bus driver was very insulting to me. I feel very disrespected. He should be fired for such behavior!"
The man says, "I agree. He shouldn't be allowed to talk that way. you should go back up there and give him a piece of your mind. Here, I'll hold the monkey."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dad has 3 daughters and 1 son
They all live in a pretty casual house.
One day, one of his daughters came into his room and said: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian."
Fuming, he sends her to her room angrily.
Then comes his 2nd daughter: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian too"
The father is now angrier than humanly possible, right then, the 3rd daughter came in: "Um, hey Dad, I'm also lesbian..."
With all the might he can, he shouts: "DOES NOBODY IN THIS d**... HOUSE LIKE BOYS?!"
In comes his son: "Um, hey Dad..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some of my favorite SFW jokes
Some of my personal favorite ones:
A snail gets mugged by a gang of turtles. When the police show up and ask what happened the snail say " I don't know, it happened so fast..."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver say "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her "The driver just insulted me!" The man say, "you go right up there and tell him off--I'll hold your monkey for you."
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel schedules...so, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error he sent the e mail to somewhere in Houston. A widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. Her son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor and couldn't imagine what happened to her until he looked up at the computer screen and read...
TO: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: January 12, 2008.
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. Your Loving Husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here!!
And finally,
A man goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a small bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a box of the finest Cuban cigars. On the seat is the latest copy of p**.... Finally, the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days." The priest replies, "Get out. You're on the my side."
