The Best 60 Full Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Full jokes. There are some full ful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these full glass is half full puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Full Jokes and Puns
Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
I really don't like russian dolls...
They are so full of themselves.
If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have?
Kermit the Frog's full attention.
If a man's signature is called a "John Hancock" what do you call a woman's?
Historically insignificant.
Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work.
A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining
And says "ladies, is anything ok?"
Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew?
All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish
I walked into a room full of men masturbating
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is
You can explore full pail reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean full fuller dad jokes. There are also full puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?
One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.
Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign
..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
How can you tell an ant's gender?
1. Get a glass full of water
2. Throw the ant into the glass
3. If it sinks, it's girl ant
4. If it floats, it's boy ant
Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says
"This is a repost."
What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room?
A full set of teeth
My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"
I know he means well...
What is big, yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children
I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full"
Couldn't turn it down.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...
Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??
King Philip III
Pessimist: The glass is half empty...
Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass!
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
Society is full of double standards
For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"
But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".
As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...
Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?
Wife tells her husband
Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."
Last night I played a blank tape at full volume.
The mime next door went nuts.
What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?
A full set of teeth.
Missionary in the jungle
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
I hate Russian dolls
They're so full of themselves
I went to a restaurant.
It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away
How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?
Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
What starts with a 't' ends with a 't' and is full of 't' ?
A teapot.
I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife.
But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
Today, my teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently, in Full HD was not the right answer
Two cowboys are lost in the desert.
No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
How can a room full of married people be empty?
Because there's not a single person there.
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
Eminem isn't allowed to get the full COVID vaccine
He only gets one shot
My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water."
I know he means well.
An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty.
An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
I asked my wife So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty? And you know what she said?
Please for the love of god could you stop wearing my bras!
My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water."
I know he means well.
Whatrestraunt is always full of white people?
Cracker Barrel
I have a jar full of jars, I call it jar jar, and when I shake it,
Jar Jar Clinks
The wife and I were at the car dealership the other day...
I told the salesman that we were looking for a Subaru Outback then he hit me with a
*"What's wrong with the ones Outfront?"*
At that point I was prepared to offer him full sticker price for whatever because anything less would've been a disservice.
Why are plumbers bad a poker?
Because they think a flush beats a full house!
My friend said "cheer up, could be worse, you could be stuck underground, full of water"
I know he means well…
Pretty Excited!!! Our loan was just approved and...
We're closing on full tank of gasoline this weekend.
Had the wierdest day first I found a hat full of change just sitting on the pavement...
...then I spent the rest of the morning being chased by an angry one-man-band.
Which kind of building should you stay clear of on a full moon?
A warehouse
I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the full full of shit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working full glass half full piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.