Fucked Jokes

What are some Fucked jokes?

A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm fucked...'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''

''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.

''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.

The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.

As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're fucked...''

A drunk looks at his watch...

A man, who has fattened the coffers of the local pub this night, looks at his watch and says, "Well, it's about time I go home, and spend some quality time with the wife."

He gets out of his chair, and can't even take two steps without falling on his face. "Don't worry!" he yells, "I can just *crawl* home!" Everyone in the bar has a good laugh at his optimism, and the man crawls out of the bar.

Once outside, he realizes he needs to sober up. Takes a few deep breaths, uses a lamp post to pull himself up... and proceeds to fall flat on his face again. "I don't live *that* far..." the drunk reasons to himself. So he crawls home... it takes him nearly an hour to get there. He's finally at his front door, and he's trying to open it all silent-like, but his wife opens the door and has that scowl of *you-fucked-up*.

"How much did you have to drink tonight?" she asked, nonplused.

"I--" and before he can even lie, she says, "The bar called. You left your wheelchair there."

3 murders get caught and get 10 years solitary...



During their killing spree they spare the life of an old man. They have 24 hour lock down and the old man turns out to be a wizard and approaches them in prison and says I cant set you all free but i will give you whatever you love the most in your cell.

So the first guy says woman, So the guy gives him 72 virgins. The second guy says jack D, so the genie gives him litres and litres of Jack. The 3rd guy says weed so the genie gives him ounces and ounces of weed.

After 10 years when they're released the old man comes and say soo did you guys like your wishes?

The first guy says "ohh i fucked so many of the girls i cant even look at a pussy again"!

Asks the second guy and he says I cant drink another drop of whiskey without falling ill!

Comes to the thirds guy and asks how his weed was, the 3rd guy looks at him in anger and says "you didnt leave me a lighter ya prick!!"


oh god i crack myself up

A coconut walks into a bar...

At least it didn't get fucked...yet

Sore Paws

Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'

'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'

'It's always the same innit dad'

'What's that son?'

'You try and help someone out, you end up getting fucked!'

Why did the deaf woman gain hearing after being earfucked?

She contracted hearing AIDS.

"Hey babe, what would you call this sexual position?"

"I dunno babe, I call every position taxes because no matter what you're getting fucked!"

What do you call a skeleton giving a blow job?

Skullfucked

Although it's been 77 years, nothing has changed.

The Germans get buttfucked in Russia.

I wish I got a kiss from a doctor every time I went into an American hospital

Would make the whole getting 'fucked' part more passionate.

How to make Fucked jokes?

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