The Best 35 Fruits Vegetables Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fruits Vegetables jokes. There are some fruits vegetables jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fruits vegetables puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Fruits Vegetables Jokes and Puns

Vegans think butchers are gross

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.

The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.

The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.

Yet the woman wed the second man.

Because no matter how gross you pictured him to be...

The first man was just a little grocer.

If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable....

I would visit you every day in the hospital.

I had a gay friend in high school...

...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.

I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...

He said "prove it."

So I pushed him off the balcony.

Why won't cannibalistic children eat homosexuals and cripples?

Because kids don't like to eat fruits and vegetables.

Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs?

Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay.

I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable

What do you call a gay person in a coma?

A tomato.

Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.

Mike Pence doesn't believe in science

But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables

You can explore fruits vegetables reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fruits vegetables dad jokes. There are also fruits vegetables puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

One likes men and the other is disabled.

EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting

I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

100 year old on local TV

"So what's your secret, Sir?"

"I once sucked a guy for $ 20"

"No - to your longevity!"

"Oh, fruits and vegetables"

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.

He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.

Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:

A vegan said to me people that sell meat are gross.

I said to the vegan people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

you lobotomize it.

What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common?

They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.

My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation

We now sell smoothies

Driving past a corn field I planted and told my wife how great it feels to see the fruits of my labor

She paused for a few seconds before replying, "(OP), those are vegetables, dummy."

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South?

A vegetable can get married

I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables.

If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable?

Lettuce be grape friends.

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American redneck trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"

The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is marijuana a vegetable?'"

Did you hear about the gay man who got into a car accident?

Now he's both a fruit *and* a vegetable.

Why couldn't the vegetable marry the fruit?

Because it was cantaloupe.

In the vegetable and fruit aisle

Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

You break his neck.

Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable?

because they're seedy.

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like the occasional vegetable.

Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer?

People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A brick to the back of his head should do it.

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?


Did you hear about the gay guy that fell into a coma?

It's the first reported case of a fruit becoming a vegetable.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fruits vegetables jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fruits vegetables piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes