Fruit Vegetable Jokes
89 fruit vegetable jokes and hilarious fruit vegetable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fruit vegetable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Fruit Vegetable Short Jokes
Short fruit vegetable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fruit vegetable humour may include short fruit and vegetable jokes also.
- If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
- I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
- Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
- A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
- Age old debate. People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
- What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
- What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
- Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer? People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.
- Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato. He is a fruit and a vegetable.
- Why did the fruit turn into a vegetable? It got AIDS
Oldie and offensive to some I know. But it made me chuckle.
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Fruit Vegetable One Liners
Which fruit vegetable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fruit vegetable? I can suggest the ones about vegetable and vegetable and fruit.
- My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies
- What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
- If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?
- Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
- What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.
- Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables
- How do you turn fruits into vegetables? Drive a bus through a pride parade
- You are what you eat.. That's why I avoid fruit, nuts, and vegetables!
- What do you call a Fruit that doesn't Taste Good A VEGETABLE HA
- Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.
- What do you call someone who finds missing fruit and vegetables A private invegstigator
- When does a fruit become a vegetable? When he gets a lobotomy
- A fruit fly who prefers vegetables is probably ostracized by their family
- What do you get when you cross a fruit with a vegetable?
- How do you turn fruits into vegetables? Shock therapy
Gather Around for Heartwarming Fruit Vegetable Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about fruit vegetable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vegetable garden jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fruit vegetable pranks.
Is a date a fruit or a vegetables? You don't know until he's at the door.
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
Fun with cucumbers
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
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An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.
The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"
Luigi's Fruit Shop
Maria went to Luigi's fruit and vegetable shop every week. She walked in on this particular day and said, 'Hello, Luigi. I woulda lika two kilos of tomatoes pleasa.'
'Ah, Maria, so sorry I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, don'ta joka with me. You know that I always buy my tomatoes from you. Just give me my tomatoes, Luigi.'
'Maria, I told you, I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, I'm in a hurry, please give me two kilos of tomatoes.'
'Maria, it's like this. How do you say "carrots", without the "c"?'
'Arrots.'
'How do you say "potatoes without the "p"?
'Otatoes.'
'How do you say "tomatoes" without the "f"?
'There's no "f" in tomatoes."
'That's whata I been trying to tell you, Maria. There's no effing tomatoes!'
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What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Jeffrey d**...!
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
You break his neck.
Why do uniformed soldiers need to eat their fruits and vegetables?
If they don't, they'll be irregulars.
What do you call a gay tomato that falls into a coma?
A fruit or a vegetable?
What do you name a combination Gay Conversion Camp/Coma Ward?
Fruits & Vegetables.
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When a homosexual man becomes brain dead, is he a fruit or a vegetable?
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Pushing g**... off buildings shows just how interested in science Isis is...
They're turning fruits into vegetables
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Cut the brake lines on his Prius.
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
You break his spine.
(no hate Intended It's just funny)
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If a gay guy gets paralyzed...
Is he a fruit or a vegetable?
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What turns a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
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Did you hear about the gay guy that fell into a coma?
It's the first reported case of a fruit becoming a vegetable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
You whack him on the head repeatedly until he becomes one.
How does a fruit become a vegetable?
Aids!
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I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...
He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony.
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So did you hear about the cannibal that broke into the gay hospital?
At least he's getting his fruits and vegetables now.
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What's the difference between a vegetable and a fruit?
One is in a coma, and the other is gay.
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A man once told me he could turn fruits into vegetables
He then threw me off the balcony.
What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?
One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.
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What turns fruit into vegetables?
h**....
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Gay guys in wheelchairs are like tomatoes.
Are they a fruit, or are they a vegetable?
What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?
A fruit and a vegetable.
A gay guy is sitting watching tv and eating pizza.
That's all he does all day.
His father comes in and says, "I don't know anymore. Are you a fruit or a vegetable?"
A man with a high-pitched voice approaches a woman and gives her his best pick-up line...
"If you were a vegetable," he says, "you'd be a cutecumber!"
"And if you were a fruit," replies the woman, "I wouldn't be surprised."
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
By giving it severe permanent brain damage.
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Easy, Just push him in front of a bus.
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What do you call a comatose gay man?
A tomato...
It's both a fruit and a vegetable.
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
With a lead pipe.
Some people say cucumbers are a fruit, while others say they are a vegetable.
It's a pickle alright.
Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was
It was a big dill
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Give them a show in Vegas and introduce a white tiger.
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
you lobotomize it.
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What does a comatose gay person and a tomato have in common?
First they were a fruit, now they're a vegetable.
A gay teenager gets put into a coma in car accident
At the hospital the father says "Well, he was a fruit now he's a vegetable. He's still in the produce isle"
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Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable?
because they're seedy.
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A man took his date to a local country club.
When they arrived, he told her to sit down and he would go fetch their food.
Well, at this country club, there were different lines for everything. He went and stood in the p**... roast line. Then the vegetable line, the bread line, the gravy line, and the salt and pepper line.
Finally, he returned with two heaping plates of food. He then asked her what she would like to drink. "Some fruit punch would be nice," she replied.
So he went back. He walked all over the club for around an hour, with no luck. There was a wine line, a water line, and even a chocolate milk line. After having no luck, he returned to the table empty-handed.
There's no punch line.
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100 year old on local TV
"So what's your secret, Sir?"
"I once s**... a guy for $ 20"
"No - to your longevity!"
"Oh, fruits and vegetables"
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Government
The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless c**... it will go to Taiwan and none of it
will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced
in US.
I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help,
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What do you call bad fruits and vegetables?
g**...-eries
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A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how g**... you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
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Driving past a corn field I planted and told my wife how great it feels to see the fruits of my labor
She paused for a few seconds before replying, "(OP), those are vegetables, d**...."
Food inspection
A food inspection officer went to 3 chicken farms
Farm 1
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 1: I feed them vegetables.
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately
Farm 2
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 2: a little scared said i feed them fruits
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately
Farm 3
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 3: terrified that his farm will be closed as well said
"i just give all the chickens a dollar and tell them you can eat whatever you want"
Jack was very fat and his wife was worried about him, so she made him see the doctor...
The doctor weighed him and said, "You must lose 30 kg. Eat only fruits and vegetables and jog 5 km a day for the next 100 days. Then give me a call and tell me how much you weigh."
Jack went home and did what the doctor told him. 100 days later, Jack called the doctor.
"Jack here. You will be happy to know that I have lost 30 kg."
"Excellent," said the doctor.
"There is just one problem," Jack said. "I am 500 km from home!"