Fruit Jokes

Funniest Fruit Short Jokes

Short fruit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fruit humour may include short banana jokes also.

1. A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.
2. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
3. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
4. Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit. On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.
5. I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."
   I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
6. A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
   The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.
7. What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios? Toucan play at that game
8. I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas
9. A doctor says to his patient, "Don't eat anything fatty..." To which the patient replies, "Well what about fruit, can I eat that?"
   "No fatty, don't eat anything."
10. Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables

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Fruit One Liners

Which fruit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fruit? I can suggest the ones about berry and plant.

1. A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.
2. One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops... ...but Toucan.
3. I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.
4. Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit... ... I'm peachless!
5. What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.
6. What's a gay couples least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe.
7. What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope
8. My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns Perhaps I should let this mango.
9. What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
   ...I'll get my coat.
10. Humans can elope Fruits cantaloupe.
11. I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
12. Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.
13. Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
14. What do you call two fruits that can't get married? Cantaloupes
15. Seems like there is always more than one fruit fetishist... They come in pears.

Vegetable And Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable and fruit jokes and even better vegetable and fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
• Age old debate. People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
• What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
• My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies
• What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
• What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
• Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer? People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.
• Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato. He is a fruit and a vegetable.
• If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?
• Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward

Fruit Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit vegetable jokes and even better fruit vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.
• Why did the fruit turn into a vegetable? It got AIDS
  Oldie and offensive to some I know. But it made me chuckle.
• What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking? A fruit and a vegetable.
• Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables
• How do you turn fruits into vegetables? Drive a bus through a pride parade
• Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill
• You are what you eat.. That's why I avoid fruit, nuts, and vegetables!
• What do you call a Fruit that doesn't Taste Good A VEGETABLE HA
• Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.
• What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge? One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Apple Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny apple fruit jokes and even better apple fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
  Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
• Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit? Because it keeps the Doctor away!
• Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
• Apples are my second favourite fruit. They're sublime!
• What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot
• Apples are a lot like oranges They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
• What's a zombie's favorite fruit? The Adam's apple!
• My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet It was a fruitful checkup.
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away But if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit
• A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

Kinds Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny kinds fruit jokes and even better kinds fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What kind of books do fruit read? Pulp Fiction
• What kind of tree holds the widest variety of fruit? The pantry.
• What kind of fruit do SEOs like best? Low hanging.
• What's a ghost's favorite kind of fruit? Booberries
• What kind of underwear does a person wear when buried? Fruit of the tomb
• What kind of fruit never leaves the bowl. Cantaloupe
• What kind of fruit grows on a mountain? Alpineapples!
• What is a gay guy's favorite kind of yogurt? The kind with the fruit on the bottom.
• What kind of fruit is in the military? A naval orange
• What's the funniest kind of fruit? A joke-o-nut.
  -
  ^^btw, ^^coconuts ^^are ^^fruits.

Laughable Fruit Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about fruit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fruit pranks.