Fruit Jokes

Funniest Fruit Short Jokes

Short fruit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fruit humour may include short banana jokes also.

1. A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.
2. When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve. Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
   A: Seedless fruit.
3. What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.
   Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
4. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
5. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
6. I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
   So I pushed him off the balcony.
7. Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit. On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.
8. I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."
   I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
9. Why won't cannibalistic children eat homosexuals and cripples? Because kids don't like to eat fruits and vegetables.
10. A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
    The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.

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Fruit One Liners

Which fruit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fruit? I can suggest the ones about berry and plant.

1. A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.
2. One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops... ...but Toucan.
3. I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.
4. What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit-rollup
5. Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit... ... I'm peachless!
6. What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.
7. What's a gay couples least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe.
8. What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope
9. My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns Perhaps I should let this mango.
10. What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
    ...I'll get my coat.
11. Humans can elope Fruits cantaloupe.
12. I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
13. Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.
14. Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
15. What do you call two fruits that can't get married? Cantaloupes

Vegetable And Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable and fruit jokes and even better vegetable and fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs? Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
• I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay. I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable
• What do you call a gay person in a coma? A tomato.
  Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.
• Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
• What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
  EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
• A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
• Age old debate. People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
• How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? you lobotomize it.
• What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
• My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies

Fruit Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit vegetable jokes and even better fruit vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
• I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables. If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.
• What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
• Did you hear about the gay man who got into a car accident? Now he's both a fruit *and* a vegetable.
• In the vegetable and fruit aisle Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
  Clerk: No, why do you ask?
  Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
• Why couldn't the vegetable marry the fruit? Because it was cantaloupe.
• How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his neck.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like the occasional vegetable.
• Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable? because they're seedy.
• Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer? People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.

Fruit And Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit and vegetable jokes and even better fruit and vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A brick to the back of his head should do it.
• What turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS.
• Did you hear about the gay guy that fell into a coma? It's the first reported case of a fruit becoming a vegetable.
• What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? A gay guy in a coma!
• Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato. He is a fruit and a vegetable.
• When a homosexual man becomes brain dead, is he a fruit or a vegetable?
• If a gay man gets into a debilitating car accident... is he a fruit or a vegetable?
• If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?
• Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
• What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.

Apple Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny apple fruit jokes and even better apple fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
  Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
• Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit? Because it keeps the Doctor away!
• Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
• Apples are my second favourite fruit. They're sublime!
• Why don't golddiggers eat fruit? An apple a day keeps the doctors away
• What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot
• Apples are a lot like oranges They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
• What's a zombie's favorite fruit? The Adam's apple!
• My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet It was a fruitful checkup.
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away But if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit

Laughable Fruit Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about fruit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fruit pranks.