The Best 65 Fruit Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Fruit jokes. There are some fruit cherries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fruit melon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Fruit Jokes and Puns
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?
BA NA NA NA. BA NA NA NA.
What's a gay couples least favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian
are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."
What's batmans favourite fruit?
Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.
A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.
The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are naked and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise
Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone?
They come in pears
I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today
It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."
I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money.
It was a strobbery.
Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit?
Because it keeps the Doctor away!
What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?
Toucan play at that game
You can explore fruit mangoes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fruit apples dad jokes. There are also fruit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit?
cantelope
Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?
Grow a pear.
A priest and a shepherd...
... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
But they were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
What kind of fruit can't get married?
A Cantleope
A chicken walks in to a bar...
A chicken walks in to a bar. The bartender says, "What'll be, chicken?"
The chicken says, "I'd like a nice pale ale with some type of a fruit flavor."
The bartender says, "You want the bar across the road."
When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve.
Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
A: Seedless fruit.
What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?
A cantelope
I met a girl who didn't like dried fruit.
Well I certainly couldn't interest her in a date.
I had my first date last night!
Such an underrated fruit.
What type of underwear does a fetus wear?
Fruit of the womb.
Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?
Because the sith always comes in pears
I had a gay friend in high school...
...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin.
Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay.
I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable
[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?
Orange Jews from concentrate
I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...
Anybody got a punch line?
Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie.
One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!
What kind of books do fruit read?
Pulp Fiction
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch
The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.
A guy walks into a bar...
A guy walks into a bar.
the bartender asks, "what can I get you?"
The patron responds, "just a fruit punch for me, I'm driving"
The bartender says, "great, but you have to get in line."
The patron stops and looks around only to reply, "I don't see a punchline..."
What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?
A Melon Collie.
...I'll get my coat.
What do you call a gay person in a coma?
A tomato.
Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.
My dad always thought I wasn't man enough to become a fruit farmer...
... I proved him wrong by growing a pear.
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Seems like there is always more than one fruit fetishist...
They come in pears.
I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...
Next week we're going to go on a date
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
The thing about people with fruit fetishes...
Is that they usually come in pears
I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?
pear
If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable....
I would visit you every day in the hospital.
Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
A doctor says to his patient, "Don't eat anything fatty..."
To which the patient replies, "Well what about fruit, can I eat that?"
"No fatty, don't eat anything."
Time flies like an arrow,
and fruit flies like a banana.
In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...
Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.
Why does fruit dislike being preserved?
The process is jarring.
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
My friend told me, "did you know trees drop edible stuff that's not fruit?"
"that's nuts" I replied.
One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops...
...but Toucan.
A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting
I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns
Perhaps I should let this mango.
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line" Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
A vegan told me people who sold meat were disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
Fruit Loops is putting marshmallows in their cereal like Lucky Charms
I guess Toucan play that game
Why didn't the fruit salad get sunburnt?
Because it had plenty of melon in.
No one bird can eat a bowl of fruit loops...
But toucan!
(First post here, hope you like it.)
A guy takes his car in to the mechanic after it mysteriously stops working
The mechanic opens up the hood, to find a small fruit bat hanging upside-down in the engine bay. The bat looks up at the mechanic and says "you look nice today mate!", Immediately the mechanic straightens up and says to the car owner "well, that's your problem right there!
Bat flattery"
My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it....
I thought I know I'll add some fruit and Lemonade....
But now she's sangria than ever...
I brought a date to the 4th of July party...
...really sweetened up the fruit salad.
What is the state fruit of Arkansas?
Pump-kin
Which fruit is the most faithful?
Cantaloupe, because it *cantaloupe*
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fruit strawberries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working fruit fruit farmer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.