Fruit Jokes

180 fruit jokes and hilarious fruit puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about fruit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your couple laugh with these funny and pun-filled fruit jokes! Puns about plums, berries, and mangoes are sure to bring a smile to your significant other's face!

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jokes about fruit

Best Short Fruit Jokes

Short fruit puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fruit humour may include short banana jokes also.

  1. A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.
  2. When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve. Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
    A: Seedless fruit.
  3. What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.
    Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
  4. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
  5. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
  6. I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
    So I pushed him off the balcony.
  7. Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit. On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.
  8. I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."
    I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
  9. Why won't cannibalistic children eat homosexuals and cripples? Because kids don't like to eat fruits and vegetables.
  10. A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
    The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.
Fruit joke, A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about fruit can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of fruit puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Fruit One Liners

Which fruit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fruit? I can suggest the ones about berry and plant.

  1. A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.
  2. One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops... ...but Toucan.
  3. I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.
  4. What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit-rollup
  5. Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit... ... I'm peachless!
  6. What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.
  7. What's a gay couples least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe.
  8. What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope
  9. My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns Perhaps I should let this mango.
  10. What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
    ...I'll get my coat.
  11. Humans can elope Fruits cantaloupe.
  12. I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
  13. Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.
  14. Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
  15. What do you call two fruits that can't get married? Cantaloupes

Vegetable And Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable and fruit jokes and even better vegetable and fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs? Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
  • I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay. I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable
  • What do you call a gay person in a coma? A tomato.
    Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.
  • Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
  • What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
    EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
  • A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
  • Age old debate. People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
  • How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? you lobotomize it.
  • What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
  • My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies

Fruit And Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit and vegetable jokes and even better fruit and vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
  • I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables. If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.
  • What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
  • Did you hear about the gay man who got into a car accident? Now he's both a fruit *and* a vegetable.
  • In the vegetable and fruit aisle Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
    Clerk: No, why do you ask?
    Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
  • Why couldn't the vegetable marry the fruit? Because it was cantaloupe.
  • How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his neck.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like the occasional vegetable.
  • Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable? because they're seedy.
  • Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer? People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.

Fruit Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit vegetable jokes and even better fruit vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A brick to the back of his head should do it.
  • What turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS.
  • Did you hear about the gay guy that fell into a coma? It's the first reported case of a fruit becoming a vegetable.
  • What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? A gay guy in a coma!
  • Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato. He is a fruit and a vegetable.
  • When a homosexual man becomes brain dead, is he a fruit or a vegetable?
  • If a gay man gets into a debilitating car accident... is he a fruit or a vegetable?
  • If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?
  • Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
  • What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.

Apple Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny apple fruit jokes and even better apple fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
    Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
  • Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit? Because it keeps the Doctor away!
  • Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
  • Apples are my second favourite fruit. They're sublime!
  • Why don't golddiggers eat fruit? An apple a day keeps the doctors away
  • What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot
  • Apples are a lot like oranges They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
  • What's a zombie's favorite fruit? The Adam's apple!
  • My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet It was a fruitful checkup.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away But if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit
Fruit joke, An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Laughable Fruit Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about fruit you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean crop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make fruit prank.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?


"I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life...

...What they don't tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning you juicer."
-Kyle Dunnigan-

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

What type of fruit are you most likely to find in North Carolina?


World hunger is getting ridiculous

There's more fruit in my shampoo than an African village

So an old Nun goes to the gynecologist...

...for her normal check up. The doctor checks her out, and tells her the bad news. "Sister, I hate to tell you this, but you've got c**...." With a look of panic on her face, she says "That's impossible, I've never been with anyone! Can you look again?" Reluctantly, the doctor agrees to have another look. After a second check, the doctor looks up and says, "Sorry sister, they're not c**.... They're fruit flies, your cherry's gone bad!"

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone?

A banana-nana-nana
Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?


What do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag?

A fruit roll up

Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset?

He was a melon-cauliflower.

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.

The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are n**... and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise

Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone?

They come in pears

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...

So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.

What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?

Can't- elope!

I'm a responsible adult

Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine

Truck full of fruit crashes on highway...

Creates jam.

What is the official fruit of g**... in Texas?


A priest and a shepherd...

... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
But they were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

What kind of fruit can't get married?

A Cantleope

A chicken walks in to a bar...

A chicken walks in to a bar. The bartender says, "What'll be, chicken?"
The chicken says, "I'd like a nice pale ale with some type of a fruit flavor."
The bartender says, "You want the bar across the road."

What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?

A cantelope

I met a girl who didn't like dried fruit.

Well I certainly couldn't interest her in a date.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the w**....

What is Romeo and Juliets least favorite fruit?


A man tells his shrink he's no longer attracted to his wife.

"For some reason I'm only a**... by small pieces of fruit."
"I've seen this before, you have Twin Syndrome.," the doc replies.
"Twin Syndrome?"
"You only come in pears."

Marriage is like fruit

Honeydew this, Honeydew that...

Why did Darth Maul j**... into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?

Orange Jews from concentrate

Well my father always told me, "when life gives you lemons,

chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation

Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie.

One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a kiwi!

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion.

I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.

At the Bee Prom...

A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar.
the bartender asks, "what can I get you?"
The patron responds, "just a fruit punch for me, I'm driving"
The bartender says, "great, but you have to get in line."
The patron stops and looks around only to reply, "I don't see a punchline..."

My dad always thought I wasn't man enough to become a fruit farmer...

... I proved him wrong by growing a pear.

Seems like there is always more than one fruit fetishist...

They come in pears.

I met someone online who shares my f**... for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or get out of the pond n**...". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

I always get my fruits mixed up, but don't point it out to anyone.

I don't like being in the lemonlight.


You've got to be careful if you find one fruitiphile, because they normally come in pears

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

The thing about people with fruit fetishes...

Is that they usually come in pears

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I s**.... What am I?


A doctor says to his patient, "Don't eat anything fatty..."

To which the patient replies, "Well what about fruit, can I eat that?"
"No fatty, don't eat anything."

What do you call a fruit that cannot get married.

A cantelope.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting

but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...

Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

A male magician disappeared into a fruit,

Where do the mango?

At a party, I went to get a fruit cocktail and had to queue behind Elvis, Sasquatch and a Pterodactyl, and I thought to myself…

This is a really weird punchline.

What do you call a drive-by done by a group of homosexuals?

A fruit roll up

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes…

You need to let that mango.

My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.

I was driving people bananas.

Why does fruit dislike being preserved?

The process is jarring.

Fruit joke, Why does fruit dislike being preserved?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these fruit jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.