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Fruit And Vegetable Jokes

116 fruit and vegetable jokes and hilarious fruit and vegetable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fruit and vegetable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Fruit And Vegetable Short Jokes

Short fruit and vegetable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fruit and vegetable humour may include short vegetable and fruit jokes also.

  1. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
  2. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
  3. I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
    So I pushed him off the balcony.
  4. Why won't cannibalistic children eat homosexuals and cripples? Because kids don't like to eat fruits and vegetables.
  5. Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs? Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
  6. I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay. I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable
  7. What do you call a gay person in a coma? A tomato.
    Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.
  8. Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
  9. What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
    EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
  10. A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

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Fruit And Vegetable One Liners

Which fruit and vegetable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fruit and vegetable? I can suggest the ones about fruits and vegetables and fruits vegetables.

  1. How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? you lobotomize it.
  2. My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies
  3. What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
  4. Why couldn't the vegetable marry the fruit? Because it was cantaloupe.
  5. How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his neck.
  6. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like the occasional vegetable.
  7. Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable? because they're seedy.
  8. How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A brick to the back of his head should do it.
  9. What turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS.
  10. What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? A gay guy in a coma!
  11. When a homosexual man becomes brain dead, is he a fruit or a vegetable?
  12. If a gay man gets into a debilitating car accident... is he a fruit or a vegetable?
  13. If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?
  14. Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
  15. What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.

Delightful Fun Fruit And Vegetable Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about fruit and vegetable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fruit vegetable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fruit and vegetable pranks.

Is a date a fruit or a vegetables? You don't know until he's at the door.

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.

Fun with cucumbers

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".

What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common?

They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"

Luigi's Fruit Shop

Maria went to Luigi's fruit and vegetable shop every week. She walked in on this particular day and said, 'Hello, Luigi. I woulda lika two kilos of tomatoes pleasa.'
'Ah, Maria, so sorry I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, don'ta joka with me. You know that I always buy my tomatoes from you. Just give me my tomatoes, Luigi.'
'Maria, I told you, I have no tomatoes today.'
'Luigi, I'm in a hurry, please give me two kilos of tomatoes.'
'Maria, it's like this. How do you say "carrots", without the "c"?'
'Arrots.'
'How do you say "potatoes without the "p"?
'Otatoes.'
'How do you say "tomatoes" without the "f"?
'There's no "f" in tomatoes."
'That's whata I been trying to tell you, Maria. There's no effing tomatoes!'

Why did the fruit turn into a vegetable?

It got AIDS
Oldie and offensive to some I know. But it made me chuckle.

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extreme handicapped.


I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables"

If a tomato gets put in a coma for being gay is it a fruit or a vegetable?

...its a hate crime

What do you call a gay guy paralyzed from the neck down?

A Tomato
(because he's both a fruit AND a vegetable)

Why do uniformed soldiers need to eat their fruits and vegetables?

If they don't, they'll be irregulars.

What do you call a gay tomato that falls into a coma?

A fruit or a vegetable?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Break that faggots spine.

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Drive a bus through a pride parade

Pushing g**... off buildings shows just how interested in science Isis is...

They're turning fruits into vegetables

If a gay man becomes braindead...

Is he considered a fruit, or a vegetable?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Cut the brake lines on his Prius.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

You break his spine.
(no hate Intended It's just funny)

Baby if you were a fruit - you'd be a fine-apple.

But if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in hospital.

If a gay guy gets paralyzed...

Is he a fruit or a vegetable?

Did you hear about the gay guy that fell into a coma?

It's the first reported case of a fruit becoming a vegetable.

So did you hear about the cannibal that broke into the gay hospital?

At least he's getting his fruits and vegetables now.

What do you call a disabled gay person?

A watermelon, because it's technically both a fruit and a vegetable.

A man once told me he could turn fruits into vegetables

He then threw me off the balcony.

In the vegetable and fruit aisle

Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?

What do you call someone who finds missing fruit and vegetables

A private invegstigator

What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Why is Mike Pence magic?

He can turn fruits to vegetables

What turns fruit into vegetables?

h**....

What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner?

Lettuce Pray

Gay guys in wheelchairs are like tomatoes.

Are they a fruit, or are they a vegetable?

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

What do you get if you put a comatose gay man in a blender?

V-8 Fusion (vegetable fruit juice)

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Shock therapy

Did you hear about the gay man who got into a car accident?

Now he's both a fruit *and* a vegetable.

A gay guy is sitting watching tv and eating pizza.

That's all he does all day.
His father comes in and says, "I don't know anymore. Are you a fruit or a vegetable?"

A man with a high-pitched voice approaches a woman and gives her his best pick-up line...

"If you were a vegetable," he says, "you'd be a cutecumber!"
"And if you were a fruit," replies the woman, "I wouldn't be surprised."

Humans share 50% DNA with bananas.

Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.

Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer?

People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

By giving it severe permanent brain damage.

What happens when you cripple a gay person?

You turn a fruit into a vegetable.

Vegans think butchers are g**...

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Easy, Just push him in front of a bus.

What do you call a comatose gay man?

A tomato...
It's both a fruit and a vegetable.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are g**...!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

With a lead pipe.

What do you get when you cross a fruit with a vegetable?

What do you call a Fruit that doesn't Taste Good

A VEGETABLE HA

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

You are what you eat..

That's why I avoid fruit, nuts, and vegetables!

If Stephan Hawking was gay...

He'd be a fruit AND a vegetable.

What do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair?

A tomato.
(Both a fruit and a vegetable)

Some people say cucumbers are a fruit, while others say they are a vegetable.

It's a pickle alright.

I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables.

If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.

Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was

It was a big dill

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Give them a show in Vegas and introduce a white tiger.

Two melons are sitting in a field, talking about how much they love each other...

The first melon talks about how it wants a great big wedding, and how all their fruit and vegetable friends will be there to celebrate. The other melon wants them to run away together and have a 4-H judge do a quick ceremony. They argue passionately back and forth, when exasperated the second melon asks, "why do we even need to have a wedding?" The first melon replies, "don't be silly honey, we cantaloupe."

What does a comatose gay person and a tomato have in common?

First they were a fruit, now they're a vegetable.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South?

A vegetable can get married

A fruit fly who prefers vegetables is probably ostracized by their family

jokes about fruit and vegetable