Front Jokes
167 front jokes and hilarious front puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about front that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a fun and light-hearted way to break the ice or ease into a difficult conversation? Look no further than these Front Jokes, guaranteed to make you crack up! From cold fronts, to lace fronts, warm fronts, and Y fronts, find the joke that best fits the situation. Whether you are at a front desk in a hotel, or in your car checking the rearview, these jokes will have you in stitches and ready to face the pavement.
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Funniest Front Short Jokes
Short front jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The front humour may include short side jokes also.
- When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- That's a nice ham you've got there... ... it'd be a shame if somebody put an 's' at the front and an 'e' at the end.
- George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity Just like one of his characters.
(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying) - What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
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Front One Liners
Which front one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with front? I can suggest the ones about forward and fore.
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!
- I stand behind Alec Baldwin It's far safer than standing in front of him.
- What has 80 feet, 137 teeth and $72 in cash? The front row of a Trump rally
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To take a photo in front of a church.
- I still 100% stand behind Alec Baldwin.. Standing in front of him is too dangerous.
- What has 132 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Toby Keith concert.
- What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
- Mom, am I ugly? "I told you not to call me mom in front of people"
- Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
- I went to a psychic… I knocked on her front door
She yelled who is it?
So I left - My wife worships me She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday
- Sometimes I like to stand in front of a mirror and reflect.
- I've submitted ten puns today trying to make the front page no pun in ten did...
Front Door Jokes
Here is a list of funny front door jokes and even better front door puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone keeps dropping off random lego blocks in front of my door every morning. I …don't know what to make of it.
- I always knock on the front door of my fridge ... Just in case there is a salad dressing.
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side... I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
- How do you know when there's a banjo player at the front door? He's got the wrong key and he doesn't know when to come in.
- My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it. Nature abhors a vacuum.
- A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night... He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too." - I only had a few dollars until someone dropped off a bag of quarters at my front door I'm not sure how I feel about this sudden change
- My mum said she didn't want me home later than 12. So at 12:01 I opened the front door and went outside.
- When I was growing up, we were so poor... We used to leave the front door open all night, hoping a thief would come in and drop something.
Front Lines Jokes
Here is a list of funny front lines jokes and even better front lines puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft? Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.
- At willcall for a concert, I start a conversation with the lady in front of me. It was the first time I had used a pick up line to talk to a woman.
- Why does it take so long when Satan is in front of you in line at the post office? Because the devil takes many forms.
- So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me. "This is the punchline."
- Why did the narcolepsy patient have boys lining up outside her front door? She had a reputation for sleeping around.
- Peter Dinklage walks into a doctor's office. He says, I'm a Hollywood star. Can I go to the front of the line? Doctor: I am sorry Sir, but you have to be a little patient.
- I was waiting in line for soup at my favorite Vietnamese food truck... When this guy pushes in front to place his order.
I'm like, "Dude, pho queue." - Did I tell you about my trick for getting to the front of the line at gas stations? I call it my gas trick bypass.
- What do you call it when a rabbit tactfully jumps in front of a line? A nice hare cut
- I was just patiently waiting in the lunch line when.. ..the depressed girl cut in front of me
Front Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny front desk jokes and even better front desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
- The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up." - I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman - I tried to call the front desk of my hotel. Needless to say, I couldn't get reception.
- Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink." He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."
- Job Listing: Crustacean Salespeople Please apply at the front desk.
Must be willing to give customers the hard shell. - Did you hear about the man who couldn't get out of the brothel? Everytime he tried to leave the lady on the front desk said "Please come again."
- A catholic priest checks into a hotel... And he asks the lady at the front desk, "Have you disabled adult movies?" She responds, "No, just the regular kind."
Front Page Jokes
Here is a list of funny front page jokes and even better front page puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Redditors are very environmentally aware More than half the content on the front page is recycled
- Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment. Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.
- I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter
(taken from a front page meme) - Did you know there's an Alzhimers epidemic? I noticed it when I saw how many reposts make it to the front page.
- After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary. Things just went from Bad to Worse.
- "I wish..." "I wish I was rich.", I said while throwing a coin into a wishing well.
Reading the newspaper the next day, the front page headline was:
"Rare coin worth millions found in well" - 8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it's someone's ATM PIN. ...it was mine.
- How to get on the front page Not like this.
- What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?
- North Korean launches keep getting better and better Heck, they even made it to the front page today!
Cold Front Jokes
Here is a list of funny cold front jokes and even better cold front puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dog is in the kitchen making herself a hot dog Sitting in front of the heater vent, its cold out.
- I hear a cold front is headed for Alabama.... They say it may get down to the teens.
- If Amy Poehler was a cold front.... She'd be the Poehler Vortex
- What's the difference between germans and warm air? Germans turn back when they hit a cold front
Laughter Front Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about front you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean corner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make front pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
I always thought the hole in boxer briefs was a messy idea...
until I learned it goes in the front.
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
The Irishman's parking space
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.
He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."
I accidentally locked my keys in my car in front of an abortion clinic...
They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
Go fly a kite
A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.
This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"
The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.
The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.
The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.
They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Saw a h**... on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.
Guess who got the front porch repainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's m**...?
His ears.
Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I called the cops about a m**... on my front lawn and they just hung up.
They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.
My dad died in front of me
Before he died, he scribbled me a note. They were his last words. I decided not to open it till I was ready. A year later, I opened it and this is what is said, "You are stepping on my oxygen line".
A woman was breastfeeding in the bus the other day
...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".
Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...
...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus...
Had a house party last night
...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??
King Philip III
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a h**... statue.
The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.
The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.
How to find out if you're old or not:
Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.
Gender Equality
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
NBC is planning a sitcom about the life of Abe Lincoln.
Shot in front of a live studio audience.
My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!
So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
When I die, I want my friends to do two things: 1) Scatter my remains on my ex's front lawn.
2) Also, I don't want to be cremated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be s**...! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...
...they'd even know my birth year!
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the bar last night, a woman got her n**... pierced right in front of me
. On a related note...…………………. I s**... at darts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke
A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.
At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.
The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"
A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don't know if it translates well
A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:
What is this queue for?
Just for fun says the women.
But what if I don't want to stand in the queue? The Brit asks.
To which the woman replies that's what the other queue is for
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was having s**... with this woman...
I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.
Oh god, she said, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door!
Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it's not an offer you get everyday...
Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.
Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
Do you realise what time it is?!? she stammered.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house.
Immediately her attitude changed, and running down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked What did you buy for the house, dear?"
Tom answered A round of drinks!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A vampire m**... in front of a mirror
Bet you didn't see that coming.
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man. "Whose clock is that?"
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie"
"Incredible," said the man.
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where is Trump's clock?"
"His Clock is in Jesus office. He's using it as a ceiling fan
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.
Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.
Why don't you run behind a car?
Because you will get exhausted.
Why don't you run on the side of the car?
Because you will get tired,
Why don't you run in front of a car?
Because you will get run over.
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
I had no freaking idea!
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
This is true: I picked up a pack of ear plugs at work today and it had three in the pack
The maintenance guy said that's the Spock pack
Me: Spock pack?
Maint: aye; one for the left ear, one for the right ear - and one for the final front ear
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... dies and goes in front of a h**... gate...
St. Peter is waiting, judging him.
They stand in silence when h**... breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"
"h**..., h**...." he responds.
"Ya, ya, Heil h**..., but where am I?".
Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him "What's wrong?"
Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for?"
"Until you're 18" says the father.
The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly.
=== =====
When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says "Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I'm 18, won't you?"
Old Fridge
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.
A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."
The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. "You know," says the clerk, "we don't get many bears around here." To which the bear replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The word "b**..." is a three dimensional diagram
The "B" shows how they look from above, the "oo" how they look from the front and the "b" how they look from the side.
A man comes home from church with two black eyes.
His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"
"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"
"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"
A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.
The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
