Front Desk Jokes
63 front desk jokes and hilarious front desk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about front desk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Front Desk Short Jokes
Short front desk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The front desk humour may include short receptionist jokes also.
- I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
- The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up." - I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman - Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink." He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."
- Job Listing: Crustacean Salespeople Please apply at the front desk.
Must be willing to give customers the hard shell. - Did you hear about the man who couldn't get out of the brothel? Everytime he tried to leave the lady on the front desk said "Please come again."
- A catholic priest checks into a hotel... And he asks the lady at the front desk, "Have you disabled adult movies?" She responds, "No, just the regular kind."
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Front Desk One Liners
Which front desk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with front desk? I can suggest the ones about help desk and front door.
- I tried to call the front desk of my hotel. Needless to say, I couldn't get reception.
- A man is walking to his cubicle... He sits down in front of his desk and starts working.
- Why does it smell like tuna at the front desk? The receptionist is wearing a dress
Front Desk Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about front desk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean doctors receptionist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make front desk pranks.
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
20 reasons why chocolate is better than s**...
1. you can *get* chocolate.
2. 'if you love me you'll s**... it' has real meaning with chocolate.
3. chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. you can safely have chocolate while driving.
5. you can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. you can have chocolate in front of your mother.
7. if you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate doesn't mind.
8. two people of the same s**... can have chocolate without being called n**... names.
9. the word 'commitment' doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. you can have chocolate on top of your worktable or desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
11. you can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. you don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. with chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. you can have chocolate any time of the month.
16. good chocolate is easy to find.
17. you can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. you are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. when you have chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20. with chocolate, size doesn't matter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald & Daisy
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a c**...?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'd thuffocate!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test,
the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a s**... test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!!
Two boys were misbehaving...
...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice.
The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."
The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.
She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stayed outside while the priest and Ray talked.
"Where is God?" The priest calmly asked expecting to make the point that "God is everywhere". Ray, petrified, said nothing. So the priest asked again slightly louder, "Where is God?!". Ray still said nothing. So the priest stood up and slammed his hands on the desk yelling, "WHERE IS GOD?!?!". Ray stood up and ran out of the office, past his mother, and ran all the way home.
He came screaming in the front door and ran straight to Jim's room. He opened the door and said, "GOD IS MISSING AND THEY THINK WE TOOK HIM!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a Hotel room...
...and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a c**...?'
Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?
'Thit No!' Donald quacked, I'll thuffocate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A few years ago I had a vasectomy
A few years ago I had a vasectomy. A few weeks after the procedure I received a letter, accompanied by a sample p**..., stating that I needed to provide a s**... sample and bring it in to them to prove the operation worked. At work, later that day, I snuck off to the bathroom and produced my s**... sample into the p**..., s**... up the lid, and put the p**... in my shirt pocket. The hospital wasn't far so I decided to take the 5 minute run over there on my lunch break. As I arrived at the front desk I noticed the p**... lid has come loose and my sample has gone all over me. The nurse politely says to me 'sorry sir, you're going to have to come again.'
Why can't the drums never stop?
A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks, "Wow, this is cool."
He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.
This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Mister, that's it!! Why won't those drummers stop?! I can't get any sleep!"
The manager replies, "No! The drums must NEVER stop. It's terrible if the drums stop drumming."
"Why?"
"When drums stop... bass solo begins."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone explain this joke to me?
A nice young h**... couple decided to get married. Their parents wanted to give them the best wedding ever, so they reserved the nicest hotel in town. Everything was perfect. After the wedding the newlyweds went to the front desk to check in. The desk clerk asked,"Bridal" and the new husband said "Na, I'll just hold her by the ears till she gets used to it".
A chicken walks into a library
.. and it approaches the librarian desk, and starts clucking "bok Bok! boook bok bok." The librarian hands him a book, and the chicken tucks it under its wing and hastily runs out the door. A few moments later, the chicken runs back with the book, drops it on the floor, and again commences with "book bok BOK bok BOK!" The librarian picks up the second, book, hands the chicken a new book, and watches as the chicken scuttles off out the door again. Fifteen minutes later the chicken returns, drops the last book on the ground, paces around in a circle, and does the whole "Book bok BOK bok!" bit again, so the librarian hands it a third book, but this time follows the chicken down out the door. The librarian follows the chicken all the way down to a nearby river, where the chicken has dropped the book in front of a frog, which frustratingly replies with "read-it, read-it, read-it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
And now for something completely different
A young female nurse is working the front desk at a s**... bank. A man wearing a ski mask barges in through the front door and holds a gun to her head. He tells her "Open the vault!"
"But sir, this is a s**... bank..."
"Just do it!" The woman complies and opens the vault containing hundreds of vials of donations. "Now, uncork one and drink it!
"Sir, I don't understand..."
"Do as I say!" So she uncorks a sample and drinks it down. She chokes on it but is more worried about the mysterious man. The assailant has her do it a few more times. The woman is visibly shaken, but he takes off the ski mask and says
"See honey, it isn't that hard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... for Donald Duck
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a c**...?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
A front desk attendant at Delta is beginning to board passengers for a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham, Alabama...
As he is taking the tickets from the passengers and allowing them board, he notices one man still standing at the window, looking at the plane. Once everyone else has walked down the passageway towards the jet, the attendant walks over to the man and asks if he is supposed to be on the plane.
"This plane takes off at 7:05 and gets into Birmingham at 7:07?" The man asks.
"Uh, yes sir, it does." The attendant responds, due to the hour gained during flight. "Are you ready to board now?"
"Nope", he quickly replies, "I just wanna see the sumbitch take off."
A little girl, who is a cancer patient, walks into a local pet store...
...and the little girl asks to the owner who was sitting near the front desk, "Do you guys sell rabbits here?" The owner responds with, "Sorry, but we don't have anymore rabbits. However, we sell hare if you would like some?"
Philosophy Convention
All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation until much later.
When he finally arrives, he asks the front desk for his room but, unfortunately, no rooms are available.
Struck by this, Aristotle asks Socrates if he wouldn't mind sharing a room with him but Socrates slams the door in his face.
He goes over to Kant's room and pleads with him but Kant also slams the door in face.
Aristotle decides to change his plan. He walks to Descartes' room and tells him "Descartes, there has been a terrible mistake. The front desk has given you my room and has lost your reservation." Descartes, angered by this, replies "I think not!"
And then Aristotle got a room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys walk into a hotel...
They walk up to the front desk and ask what they have available. The man at the desk tells them they only have one room available, but there is only one bed. The three men aren't bothered by this and they decide to share the bed. In the morning the man who was sleeping on the far right of the bed says "it was so weird, last night I had a dream someone was giving me a h**...."
The man on the far left of the bed said he too had a dream that he received a h**....
The man who was in the center said "That is weird, I just had a dream that I was skiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
A man goes to a party
and goes towards the waiter at the front desk.
"What's to do around here?" asked the man.
"Well we have the Dinner Line," replied the waiter. "and we also have the Dessert Line.
"
The man looks around the room, confused, so he asks the waiter,
"Where's the Punch Line?"
"It's gone."
A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...
In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frantic husband calls down to the hotel's front desk. My wife is trying to commit s**...! Quick! Send help!
We will send a doctor right away!
- No, no, send a handyman, the window won't open!
A man walks into a library
and is greeted by the librarian behind the front desk.
He slaps a $10 bill on the desk and says to the librarian - "I'll have two budweisers please"
The librarian, taken aback, responds - "Sir, this is a library!"
The man quickly replies back - "Oh, sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have two budweisers please"
A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.
"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"
The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."
"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"
A blond walks into a library while talking on her phone.
When she gets to the front desk she says, "I will have two cheese burgers and s large french fry."
The librarian looks and her and says, "ma'am, this is a library."
The blond looks around and sees all of the shelves full of books. She is very embarrassed, hangs up her phone, and leans forward to whisper, "I will have two cheese burgers and a large fry."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a swingers club on the weekend
I got through the front door and the lady on the desk said it's £10 to get in, or you can pay £15 and you get a meal . So I paid the £15 and went in. It seemed to be going alright - then this n**... oily guy walked up to me and said hello, I'm Amil .
Clocks
A woman drives past a small store with various clocks in the window. She thinks to herself, "Oh a clock-repair shop! I should bring in my broken wall-clock."
So the next day she walks in with her clock and asks the man at the front desk to repair it.
"Oh no, I don't fixed clocks; I'm a Rabbi! I do circumcisions."
"Wait, then why do you have all those clocks in the window?"
"Well, what SHOULD I have in the window?"
(I haven't seen this one on here and I've been lurking for a few weeks. Sorry if repost)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A guy walks into a hotel
He asks at the front desk for his reservation .
The manager asks about his details and then gives him the key.
The guest then takes his room key and goes into the elevator.
After half an hour he comes back and angrily complains the manger that he couldn't find his room
The manager calmly replies," Well what did you expect when you booked room 404?."
A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.
So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.
"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."
They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:
"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own doctor."
"Well you see," says the doctor "no one expects the Spanish in-physician"
A man goes to the FBI head office
A frightened man goes to the FBI head office and says, My talking parrot disappeared.
Why did you come here? Go to the regular police, said the front desk.
The man replied: I will. I'm just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A CEO walks into an asylum...
A CEO walks into an asylum. A man at the front desk says, "What do you want?"
The CEO says, "I want to commit somebody. I don't talk to idiots, so take me to your best therapist."
The man at the front desk says, "Well, you certainly don't talk to yourself, so I doubt you're the one you want to commit. Come on in."
An esteemed botanist working at a museum was out in his grass meadow one day, observing all of the fauna when...
His assistant, working at the front desk of the museum was approached by an older lady. She asked Truly, how good is this botanist anyways? And where is he, I haven't seen him anywhere! To which the assistant replied Oh, he's out standing in his field!
How about a joke translated from Chinese? Haven't seen one of those on here yet.
The boss asked his secretary to bring in all the job applications for the open position. She walked into his office and put a big stack of papers in front of him on his desk.
He picked up the stack, turned it face down and started randomly flipping through them, pulling out the ones he stopped on. After he had a small stack of randomly selected applications he threw them into the trash without even looking at them.
His secretary saw him throw them away and asked "What are you doing? Why are you throwing those away without looking at them?" He replied, "They are unlucky...I don't want to hire anyone unlucky."
I went to join a health club today and saw a sign on its door that said 'Look better in 10 days or your money back.' I then wrote out a check and handed it over to the girl at the front desk.
The girl looked at me and said, Keep it. We're gonna mail it back to you anyways.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I first came to the US. I stayed at a hotel with a rodent problem. I tried to call front desk but I didn't know how to say mouse in English.
Hello sir how can I help you?
Do you know Tom and j**...?
Yes sir.
j**... is here.
The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.
Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into an auto shop.
He walks straight up to the front desk and says, Listen, I need some repairs, but I've got a really suped up, high powered, custom car, so I don't know if you'll be able to handle it.
The employee says, I can see if it's something we can manage, how many pistons does it have?
The customer thinks, I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has a s**...-ton.
The employee replies, Well, I need to know if it has a p**...-ton.
I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.
It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.
People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them Jays here but Jacks off all day.
A man has an interview for a Sales Manager position at a company.
During the interview, the Hiring Manager pulls out a brand new laptop and sets it on the desk in front of him.
If you're as good as you say you are – sell me this laptop.
The man picks the device up, studied it for a few seconds, then puts it under his arm and walks out the door.
He's halfway down the hall when the Hiring Manager shouts, Hey! Bring me back that laptop!
To which the man turns and replies, £200 and it's yours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... bomber went to heaven.
The Angel at the front desk greeted him.
"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very h**... virgins waiting for you!"
"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"
The Angel smiled.
"Who mentioned women?"
Businessman
Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings.
The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
A man walks into an office building with his son....
....they go to the front desk and the receptionist asks, "Excuse me, sir, do you have an appointment."
The father gestures to his son and says, "no, I have a disappointment."
Chicken at the library
A chicken walks into a library and up to the front desk. "Buk" says the chicken. So the librarian gives her a book. The chicken leaves with the book and comes back 5 minutes later. "Buk" she says. So the librarian gives her another book. This happens 8 more times, until finally the librarian goes on a break outside the library, around the back where there is a pond. She sees the chicken is standing on the edge of the pond throwing books at a frog on a lilypad.
"Buk buk" says the chicken. "reddit reddit" says the frog.
I'll see myself out.
A student is blatantly cheating in an exam
The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.
At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way. You were blatantly cheating; you don't get to submit a paper"
The student looks him in the eye and says "Do you know who I am!?"
"Not a clue!" says the invigilator.
"Good then" says the student, as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack of papers on the desk and walks out.