Frog Jokes
140 frog jokes and hilarious frog puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about frog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover rib-bitingly funny frog jokes for kids of all ages! Enjoy classic jokes about everyone’s favorite amphibian: Kermit the Frog! Read through our amusing collection of jokes about frogs, including puns and plays on words that will leave your child ribbiting with laughter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Frog Short Jokes
Short frog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The frog humour may include short duck jokes also.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland". - If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks." - Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
- Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf. - What happens when a frog's car dies? He needs a jump. If that doesn't work he has to get it toad...
- A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder... The bartender asks, Hey buddy, where did you get that?
The frog responds, Brooklyn, they're all over the place! - A frog goes into McDonald's and orderes a cheeseburger The cashier looks at the frog and asks him: would you like flies with that sir?
- What do frogs say? Times fun when you're having flies
Share These Frog Jokes With Friends
Frog One Liners
Which frog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with frog? I can suggest the ones about turtle and rabbit.
- Frog DNA... A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole. - A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish.
- What is green but turns red when you push the button A frog in a blender
- What does a perverted frog say? Rub it, rub it
- What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? RUB-IT RUB-IT!
- What does a socially awkward and depressed frog say? Reddit.!
- What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad
- What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open toad sandals...
I'll show myself out - thank you - What's a frog's favorite springtime sport? Lily-pad-leboarding!
- What does a baby frog sleep in? A cribbet. (My 6 yr old told me that one)
- What's a frog's favorite springtime activity? Croak-et!
- What do you call a frog in the no parking zone? Toad
- Why did the frog take accordion lessons? To be a polka-rana.
- Why are frogs always happy? They eat whatever bugs them
- What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog...because it croaks every night
Frog And Toad Jokes
Here is a list of funny frog and toad jokes and even better frog and toad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
- A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"
- What does a frog wear on it's feet? Open toad shoes
- Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
- Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom? Because it's a toad's tool.
- Sir, your frog is illegally parked, move it imediately or it will be toad.
- Did you hear about the frog that had a flat tire? He was toad.
- I hit a frog driving down the highway Had to get my car toad
- What do you call a pile of frog dung? Toad stools
- Why the frog couldn't take part in freedom convoy in Ottawa? Because his truck got toad.
Kermit Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit frog jokes and even better kermit frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
- When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
- Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!
- Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
- If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
- Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
Kermit The Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit the frog jokes and even better kermit the frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
- Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
- Kermit the Frog has been really rude ever since Jim Henson's death. He doesn't talk to anyone.
- Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it.
(blame Happy International Bacon Day) - I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname... Kermit the frog.
- What did the ISIS frog say to the nervous bomb strapped toad? "You must kermit to the cause."
- What's warm, slippery and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger because of Ms. Piggy
- What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died? Nothing...
- What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork? Kermit the frog's finger
- What's wet, green, and covered in bacon? Kermit the frog.
Kissing Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kissing frog jokes and even better kissing frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A beautiful princess kisses a frog The frog turns into a handsome prince.
The handsome prince kisses the beautiful princess.
She turns into a delicious beer! - Girls will tell you that you have to kiss a lotta frogs to find a prince... But guys will tell you that you have to kiss a lotta princesses to find a woman!
- Fairytale princesses be like.... I kissed a frog and I married it.
- Once upon a time, a frog told a princess that if she kissed him he'd become a handsome prince. Turns out, he was just full of flies.
- Somewhere in an alternative universe a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince
but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince
Amusing & Witty Frog Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about frog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bugs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make frog pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?
He wanted to Kermit s**....
Engineering students
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How come Miss Piggy couldn't talk?
She had a frog in her t**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me
a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog...
You know more about it, but now the frog is dead.
A joke is like a frog..
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
What did the gay frog say to his bf?
Rimit rimit..
(OC) Where did the frog say his family came from?
"They are German and a tad-Polish"
A frog jumped higher than a building...
...because buildings can't jump.
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?
Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.
Why don't frogs use screws?
Because they prefer rrrrrivets.
*been using lots of rivets on a project lately when I came up with this awful dad-style joke. But I'm 40 and a dad so I'm a fully-licensed dad joker ."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
We really do taste like chicken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you want to have s**... with a frog, use a c**...
If you want to enjoy it, rib it
Did you know that every frog used to have at least some polish genes?
In fact, they were a tad-pole.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog
They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps.
Then they chop off one leg. They say "Jump" and the frog jumps in a crooked path. So far so good.
Finally, they chop off the other leg. They say "Jump" and the frog does not jump.
It has been concluded that frogs cannot hear without their legs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog and his froggy son go to a restaurant...
The young frog has been having trouble eating food, and not much seemed to help. The two are eating, and the little frog manages to s**... something without any issues! The father frog notices that the son didn't upchuck. Beaming with pride, the father frog grins over at his son.
"Ah, son! Your fly is down!"
What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit
A frog wanted to know about his future and goes to meet an oracle. The oracle prophesied that in his future, he will be touched by a beautiful lady.
The frog grew curious and wanted to know when and where it would happen, to which the Oracle replied, 'next year, in a Biology lab'!
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
What does a baby frog and a half-polish person have in common?
They're both a tad-pole
What does a metal frog say?
Rivot rivot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Miss Piggy call o**... s**...?
Having a frog in her t**....
3 frogs get arrested
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go.
The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog."
The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
What does a frog do with a piece of paper?
Rip it!
6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. :)
What did the biology teacher tell the frog?
Looks aren't everything, it's what inside you that really matters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a frog do when it sees a b**...?
Rip it
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks where'd you get that? And the frog says in France. There's loads of them
How do you make an mechanical frog?
You can't use bolts, you have to use revets
From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a frog and a h**... toad?
A frog says ribbit ribbit. A h**... toad says rubbit rubbit.
Why do frogs taste like beer?
They're full of hops
What does a red frog say?
What's green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
This joke brought to you by one of my first grade students who loudly shared it at lunch this week.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Can I have a free drink if I show you something amazing?"
The bartender agrees so he pulls out a tiny piano, a frog and a hamster. The hamster starts playing the piano and the frog starts singing Adele. As the bartender gets him his drink a punter asks him "how much for the singing frog?" The man replies "I'll sell him for £100 if you want?" And the punter agrees. The bartender sees this and says to the man " WHAT?! You could have made millions off that Why'd you sell him so cheap?" And the man says "no, it's okay... The hamsters a ventriloquist"
It's a chicken in the backyard.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarians desk and says, "Buk", so she gives him a book. A couple minutes later the chicken returns. "Buk", he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk" says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit" replies the frog...
A man is walking through the woods and comes across a talking frog ...
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a princess," the frog tells him.
The man picks the frog up and puts her in his pocket.
"Wait, wait, aren't you going to kiss me?" asks the frog. "I'm a princess!"
The man shrugs. "I'd rather have a talking frog."
A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
What do frogs order at a restaurant?
French flies.
What does a frog use to conceal itself?
A croaking device.
A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, "You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart."
That's great!" says the frog. "But what's the bad news?"
Well, you're going to meet her in Biology class."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.
The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's a**....
The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?
The eagle yells back, "Oh about 10,000 feet."
The frog replies, "Really? You wouldn't s**... me now, would you?"
What do you call an animal that's part Frog, part Duck, part Elephant and part Rhino?
Fuckephino
I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and...
...a tad Pole.
The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...
Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-populated with frogs. The biologists wondered why the sodium was so important. The chemist replied: The frogs needed monosodium glutamate
An old man goes fishing
An old man is fishing at a lake when a frog approaches him.
The frog says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman and fall in love with you."
The man is amazed. He pick up the frog, stuffs him in his pocket and heads for home.
On the drive, the frog starts squirming and making a fuss, so the man takes the frog out of his pocket.
The frog says "Hey, did you not hear what I said? Just kiss me already and you'll have the woman of your dreams!"
The old man replies "I'm 80 years old. I'd much rather have a talking frog"
What does a computerized frog say?
Reboot, reboot, reboot,...
How did the frog describe his favorite book?
Ribbiting
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry.
Yep, he's a tad Pole.
how do frogs share a piece of paper?
They rippit
My neighbour says his frog is of Ukrainian origin.
I however believe it was a tad pole
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you blind, man?
A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head.
The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The frog says, "Whaddya mean? Can't you see I have a man growing out of my a**...?"
A man asked a frog how to open a bag of chips
The frog said, rip it .
