Frog Jokes
143 frog jokes and hilarious frog puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about frog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover rib-bitingly funny frog jokes for kids of all ages! Enjoy classic jokes about everyone’s favorite amphibian: Kermit the Frog! Read through our amusing collection of jokes about frogs, including puns and plays on words that will leave your child ribbiting with laughter.
Quick Jump To
- Short Frog Jokes
- Frog One Liners
- Frog And Toad Jokes
- Kermit Frog Jokes
- Kermit The Frog Jokes
- Kissing Frog Jokes
- More Frog Jokes
Funniest Frog Short Jokes
Short frog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The frog humour may include short duck jokes also.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland". - If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks." - A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why? Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!
- Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
- Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf. - Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."
- Little girl goes to her grandpa.. "Grandpa, make a noise like a frog."
Grandpa asks, "why?"
"Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak." - What happens when a frog's car dies? He needs a jump. If that doesn't work he has to get it toad...
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Frog One Liners
Which frog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with frog? I can suggest the ones about turtle and flies.
- Frog DNA... A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole. - A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish.
- What is green but turns red when you push the button A frog in a blender
- A frog took a DNA test The results said he was 20% British, 30% French and a tad Pole.
- What does a perverted frog say? Rub it, rub it
- What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? RUB-IT RUB-IT!
- What happened to the Frog when he wrecked his car? He got TOAD!
- What does a socially awkward and depressed frog say? Reddit.!
- What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad
- What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open toad sandals...
I'll show myself out - thank you - What is green and smells like a pig? Kermit the frog's finger
- What happens when you double park your frogs? They get toad!
- What happens when a frogs car breaks down? IT GETS TOAD!
- What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
- What's a frog's favorite springtime sport? Lily-pad-leboarding!
Frog And Toad Jokes
Here is a list of funny frog and toad jokes and even better frog and toad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad.
- A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.
- What do you call a frog in the no parking zone? Toad
- You hear what happened to the frog's car? It got toad.
- Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
- A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"
- What does a frog wear on it's feet? Open toad shoes
- Who took the frog's car? It was toad.
- Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
- What happened to the frog that broke down? It got toad away.
Kermit Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit frog jokes and even better kermit frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's green and slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger
- If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left Then you have Kermit the Frog's undivided attention
- What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - What are long, green,and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's fingers…
- I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
- I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime
- When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
- Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry. Yep, he's a tad Pole.
- What's long, green and reeks of bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.
- If you have a green ball in one hand… And another green ball in the other hand, what do you have?
Complete control over Kermit the frog.
Kermit The Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit the frog jokes and even better kermit the frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!
- Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
- What's green and smells of pork? Kermit the frogs fingers.
- If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
- What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger
- Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
- How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
Kissing Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kissing frog jokes and even better kissing frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium
- A beautiful princess kisses a frog The frog turns into a handsome prince.
The handsome prince kisses the beautiful princess.
She turns into a delicious beer! - Girls will tell you that you have to kiss a lotta frogs to find a prince... But guys will tell you that you have to kiss a lotta princesses to find a woman!
- Fairytale princesses be like.... I kissed a frog and I married it.
- Once upon a time, a frog told a princess that if she kissed him he'd become a handsome prince. Turns out, he was just full of flies.
- Somewhere in an alternative universe a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince
but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince - The princess sees a frog at the lake and asks him: "Hey Frog, do I have to kiss you so that you can become a prince?" Frog: "Nope, that's my brother. I need a b**...!"
Amusing & Witty Frog Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about frog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rabbit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make frog pranks.
Engineering students
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
What do frogs do when they are depressed?
They Kermit s**....
How come Miss Piggy couldn't talk?
She had a frog in her t**....
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!
the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me
a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"
A joke is like a frog..
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
(OC) Where did the frog say his family came from?
"They are German and a tad-Polish"
A frog jumped higher than a building...
...because buildings can't jump.
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she got to 69, she got a little frog in her t**....
Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?
Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.
What do frogs say?
Times fun when you're having flies
What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
We really do taste like chicken.
With age comes wisdom
An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any s**... favor you desire!"
The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.
"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"
Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....
They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.
They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.
They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.
After much discussion they could conclude that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.
If you want to have s**... with a frog, use a c**...
If you want to enjoy it, rib it
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100.
Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her t**....
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's f**...?
Nothing
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her t**... at 69.
A frog and his froggy son go to a restaurant...
The young frog has been having trouble eating food, and not much seemed to help. The two are eating, and the little frog manages to s**... something without any issues! The father frog notices that the son didn't upchuck. Beaming with pride, the father frog grins over at his son.
"Ah, son! Your fly is down!"
Little Johnny goes to his grandfather and asks him to croak like a frog.
"Why, sure Johnny. *Croak*", says grandfather.
"Yaaaaay", exclaimed Johnny. Confused, grandfather asks what's so exciting.
"Papa says we're going to be rich when you croak!", replies johnny.
Why did Miss Piggy call in sick from work?
She had had a frog in her t**...
What did the pervy frog say?
Rubbit
A frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
Why are frogs always happy?
They eat whatever bugs them
how do frogs kill themselves?
They kermit s**...
A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder...
The bartender asks, Hey buddy, where did you get that?
The frog responds, Brooklyn, they're all over the place!
What does Miss Piggy call o**... s**...?
Having a frog in her t**....
3 frogs get arrested
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go.
The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog."
The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
What do frogs say when they're m**...?
Rub it. Rub it. Rub it.
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
What does a frog do with a piece of paper?
Rip it!
6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. :)
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks where'd you get that? And the frog says in France. There's loads of them
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because every time she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her t**....
Explaining a Joke is like Dissecting a Frog
Everyone understands it better, but you killed it in the Process.
From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Can I have a free drink if I show you something amazing?"
The bartender agrees so he pulls out a tiny piano, a frog and a hamster. The hamster starts playing the piano and the frog starts singing Adele. As the bartender gets him his drink a punter asks him "how much for the singing frog?" The man replies "I'll sell him for £100 if you want?" And the punter agrees. The bartender sees this and says to the man " WHAT?! You could have made millions off that Why'd you sell him so cheap?" And the man says "no, it's okay... The hamsters a ventriloquist"
A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"
The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"
What does a baby frog sleep in?
A cribbet. (My 6 yr old told me that one)
A man is walking through the woods and comes across a talking frog ...
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a princess," the frog tells him.
The man picks the frog up and puts her in his pocket.
"Wait, wait, aren't you going to kiss me?" asks the frog. "I'm a princess!"
The man shrugs. "I'd rather have a talking frog."
A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
A frog did one of those ancestry tests.
She found out she was a little English, a little French and a tad Pole.
A frog goes into McDonald's and orderes a cheeseburger
The cashier looks at the frog and asks him: would you like flies with that sir?
A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, "You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart."
That's great!" says the frog. "But what's the bad news?"
Well, you're going to meet her in Biology class."
What do you call an animal that's part Frog, part Duck, part Elephant and part Rhino?
Fuckephino
I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and...
...a tad Pole.
Boy talking to Grandpa.
Boy: Grandpa can you make a noise like a frog?
Grandpa: No I can't, why do you ask?
Boy: Well Grandma said I can go to Disney Land when you croak..
An old man goes fishing
An old man is fishing at a lake when a frog approaches him.
The frog says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman and fall in love with you."
The man is amazed. He pick up the frog, stuffs him in his pocket and heads for home.
On the drive, the frog starts squirming and making a fuss, so the man takes the frog out of his pocket.
The frog says "Hey, did you not hear what I said? Just kiss me already and you'll have the woman of your dreams!"
The old man replies "I'm 80 years old. I'd much rather have a talking frog"
What does a computerized frog say?
Reboot, reboot, reboot,...
When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller
he's told not to worry. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl," she says, "and she will want to know everything about you."
"That's great!" says the excited frog.
"When will I meet her?"
"Next semester," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Are you blind, man?
A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head.
The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The frog says, "Whaddya mean? Can't you see I have a man growing out of my a**...?"
