frog Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious frog puns

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

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A little girl asks her grandad...

"Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland".

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Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*

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A joke is like a frog..

When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.

Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

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GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

 

"What?" said her Grandpa.

 

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!

 

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Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog!

Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."

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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

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Why can't miss piggy count to 100?

She has a frog in her throat at 69

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A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...

He discovered he was a tad Polish.

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Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

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Little Johnny goes to his grandfather and asks him to croak like a frog.

"Why, sure Johnny. *Croak*", says grandfather.
"Yaaaaay", exclaimed Johnny. Confused, grandfather asks what's so exciting.
"Papa says we're going to be rich when you croak!", replies johnny.

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What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common?

Same middle name.

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What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

Nothing

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A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.

The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"

The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"

"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

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Scientists tested a frog.

They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

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What is green but turns red when you push the button

A frog in a blender

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Some species of frog can jump higher than three-story office buildings.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

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Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?"

Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

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With age comes wisdom

An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any sexual favor you desire!"

The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.

"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

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Little Johnny was in class one afternoon

And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok...)

"Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th-"

Feeling a bit flustered and trying to inject bit of proffesionalism into the situation she inturupts him and stammers "R-rectum Johnny!"

"Wrecked 'im miss? We blew his fucking balls off!"

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What does a perverted frog say?

Rub it, rub it

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A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

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What does a perverted frog say ?

Rubbit

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What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died?

...nothing.

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A frog telephones a psychic hotline

and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Great," says the frog, "Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," said the psychic, "Next year - in biology class."

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What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

he got toad

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Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100.

Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her throat.

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25 inch penis

A man with a 25 inch cock goes to the witch in the woods with hopes she can make it smaller.

the witch says to go further and find the magick talking frog. when you do, ask him if he will marry you. when he says no your dick shrinks 5 inches.

the man finds the frog and asks "will you marry me?"

the frog goes "no."

and like magic, his dick shrunk 5 inches!

still too big he decides to ask again "would you marry me?"

the frog says "No!"

now at 15 inches he think 10 would be perfect and decides to ask one last time. "will you marry me?"

the frog, now mad, says "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? NO! NO! NO!"

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

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What happens when a frogs car breaks down?

IT GETS TOAD!

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Cocksucking frog

So, a guy is walking along the street and he sees a sign advertising a cocksucking frog. After a quick demo, he immediately purchases it and rushes home to his wife. He gives her the frog and explains that it is a cocksucking frog.

'What the hell do you expect me to do with it?'

'Teach it to cook and then fuck off.'

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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What do you call a frog that is illegally parked?

Toad.

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Engineering students

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".

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What are the most funny Frog jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Frog? Well, here are the best Frog dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Frog pick up lines to share with friends.

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