Frightening Jokes

26 frightening jokes and hilarious frightening puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about frightening that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Frightening Short Jokes

Short frightening jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The frightening humour may include short scaring jokes also.

  1. My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador. It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind
  2. Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window. He's just trying to catch a pikachu.
  3. This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
    That's scary!
    It means 75% are running around untreated!
  4. The other day, my friend said that he thinks that I might have Asperger's Syndrome. I couldn't tell if he was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frightened, or...
  5. How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
  6. I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
    Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...
  7. Man and a little girl walk into the woods... The little girl looks up at him and says 'I'm frightened', the man says 'You're frightened! I've to walk out of here on my own'
  8. My mates all say I'm a bit of a pub scarecrow. I stand in the corner and frighten all the birds.
  9. What do you call four famished frogs fighting for five frightened flies? A *Tongue Twister*
  10. New frightening study released statistic that as much as 25% of Women are diagnosed clinically insane Especially frightening because that means there is 75% walking around undiagnosed

Share These Frightening Jokes With Friends

Frightening One Liners

Which frightening one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with frightening? I can suggest the ones about frightened and disturbing.

  1. How does a non American frighten an American? Stick your hand down the sink.
  2. A bar walks up to a man. The man is frightened by the pole-tergeist.
  3. '80s music always frightened me. I was scared the rhythm really was gonna get me.
  4. Apple's port names are Thunderbolt and Lightning They're starting to really frighten me.
  5. What goes around in a pointy hat and robes and frightens people at night? Witches
  6. What do people do when they see a frightening bucket? They become pail.
  7. How do you frighten a Bee? Sneak up behind it and yell BOO BEE!
  8. What do you call a frightened nun? A nervous habit
  9. Which is the most frightening Egyptian God? Ra!
  10. The first time I had s**... was very frightening It was dark and I was all alone

Frightening joke, The first time I had s**... was very frightening

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Frightening Jokes

What funny jokes about frightening you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fearing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make frightening pranks.

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

One of the joys of parenthood is snuggling into your child's bed with them when there's a thunderstorm to make sure they aren't frightened...

Although my daughter has started hinting that she and her husband can manage perfectly well on their own.

A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.

"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.

The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour... get baked.
...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

A man goes ice fishing...

He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...

A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Frightening joke, A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.