Frightened Jokes
49 frightened jokes and hilarious frightened puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about frightened that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Frightened Short Jokes
Short frightened jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The frightened humour may include short terrified jokes also.
- My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador. It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind
- Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window. He's just trying to catch a pikachu.
- This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated! - The other day, my friend said that he thinks that I might have Asperger's Syndrome. I couldn't tell if he was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frightened, or...
- How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
- I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening... - Man and a little girl walk into the woods... The little girl looks up at him and says 'I'm frightened', the man says 'You're frightened! I've to walk out of here on my own'
- My mates all say I'm a bit of a pub scarecrow. I stand in the corner and frighten all the birds.
- What do you call four famished frogs fighting for five frightened flies? A *Tongue Twister*
~~ - New frightening study released statistic that as much as 25% of Women are diagnosed clinically insane Especially frightening because that means there is 75% walking around undiagnosed
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Frightened One Liners
Which frightened one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with frightened? I can suggest the ones about scared and afraid.
- How does a non American frighten an American? Stick your hand down the sink.
- A bar walks up to a man. The man is frightened by the pole-tergeist.
- '80s music always frightened me. I was scared the rhythm really was gonna get me.
- Apple's port names are Thunderbolt and Lightning They're starting to really frighten me.
- What goes around in a pointy hat and robes and frightens people at night? Witches
- What do people do when they see a frightening bucket? They become pail.
- How do you frighten a Bee? Sneak up behind it and yell BOO BEE!
- What do you call a frightened nun? A nervous habit
- Which is the most frightening Egyptian God? Ra!
- The first time I had s**... was very frightening It was dark and I was all alone
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Frightened Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about frightened you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feared jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make frightened pranks.
A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
Onomatopoeia
A man walks into a doctor's office. He describes his symptoms to the doctor, and the doctor decides to run some blood tests on him to figure out the problem. After the test results come back, the doctor approaches the man and says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but you're suffering from a severe case of Onomatopoeia." The man, looking frightened, replies, "Onomatopoeia...what is that?"
Said the doctor, "It's just what it sounds like."
A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...
...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"
The boy and the clown
A clown and an 8 year-old boy are walking through a cemetery late at night when the boy becomes frightened and starts crying.
"I don't understand what you're scared and crying about" says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk back alone..."
I remember my first s**... encounter.
It was really a frightening experience. I was all by myself!
Frightening Statistic
This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary.
It means 75% are running around untreated.
Fact
I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries.
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
In a hospital
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
Terrifying Story
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".
A Man and a boy are walking together in a dark forest
The boy looks frightened and says out loud, "Im really scared!"
The man responds, "You think you're scared? I'm the one who has to walk out of here alone."
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
One of the joys of parenthood is snuggling into your child's bed with them when there's a thunderstorm to make sure they aren't frightened...
Although my daughter has started hinting that she and her husband can manage perfectly well on their own.
Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?
Fully n**... British Lady gets into taxi. Chinese Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..
British Lady asks,
"Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?"
Chinese Driver: I no look you n**.... I plenty frightened. I look look. Where you keep money pay me?
If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...
..you get baked.
...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.
"How can I help you officer?"
"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"
"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign.
"Ma'am thats the sign saying you're on interstate 20." Just then the officer noticed the two women in back looked extremely frightened. "What's wrong with them?"
"Oh we must have just come off interstate 200."
A man named Adam is being sent to prison
On the first day in the shower he is approached by a giant muscular inmate who asks him intimidatingly
"With or without spit?!"
The man (Adam) thinks to himself that it will happen no matter what and that it might hurt less with spit so he frighteningly stammers
"With spit"
To which the giant shouts to another inmate.
"Hey come on over Spit, this dude wants a t**...!"
A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.
"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
Ever since I decided to swap gender my son never notices me…
Honestly he looks right through me and doesn't acknowledge my existence and seems to be frightened when I say something. It's like I'm totally trans-parent
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A frightened man goes to the secret police and says,
My talking parrot disappeared.
Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.
I will. I'm just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.
My wife thinks I'm obsessed with golf.
It came to a head in an argument at about 11.30 last night, when she yelled: Golf! Golf! Golf! That's all you ever think about!
It frightened the life out of me. Well, you don't expect to meet anyone on the 14th green at that time of night.
The Voice
A guy decides to go ice fishing. He goes out on the ice and begins cutting a hole to drop his line through. Suddenly a loud, booming voice speaks from far above: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Somewhat spooked, he moves to another spot and tries again. Once again, the deep voice from above: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Now the guy is thoroughly frightened. He looks up timidly and asks, "Is that you, Lord??" The voice replies, "NO! THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"
Driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, and nearly hit a bus. The shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."
"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a s**... deviant!
The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.
The holidays are the most frightening time of the year for me.
I was a little dyslexic as a kid, and when I was a teen I started dabbling in the dark arts.
I think I sold my soul to Santa.
Every year when the jingle bells start ringing, I get nervous. It could be the elves coming for me.
Two men are walking down the street when a dog that's foaming at the mouth viciously bites one of them, then runs off...
"Oh my god!" cries the other man. "That dog must have rabies!"
"Rabies?" says the bitten man. Looking frightened and shaky, he takes a notepad and a pen out of his pocket and starts to scribble something down.
"Wait!" says his friend, "We can get you tested and vaccinated for rabies if we go to the hospital right now. You don't have to start writing your will."
"It's not a will, " the bitten man says with an evil grin. "It's a list of people I hate that I want to bite!"
