Friends Show Jokes
120 friends show jokes and hilarious friends show puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friends show that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Friends Show Short Jokes
Short friends show jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friends show humour may include short friends inside jokes also.
- A friend and I were discussing a TV show and they said that the 32nd episode is undoubtedly the greatest. Upon rewatching the episode I was shocked to find it was 30 minutes long.
- My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment
- So I was showing my friends the first floor of my house When one of them said "What's upstairs?"
I told him that the stairs don't talk. - My friend was showing me around his toolshed Pointing to a ladder he said, "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."
- My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
- My friend was showing me his tool shed. He pointed to a ladder.
"That's my step ladder," he said.
"I never met my real ladder." - A friend showed me a photo of his wife. Isn't she stunning? He said.
You should see my wife, I replied.
What, is she stunning, too? He asked.
I said: No, she's an optometrist. - I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered ...they said it meant a lot to them.
- I am going to tell my friends... That I will show up to their holloween party as Amelia Earhart...then not show up.
- My friend showed me a photo of a famous meteor crater in Arizona. It's amazing how close it landed to the Visitor's Center.
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Friends Show One Liners
Which friends show one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friends show? I can suggest the ones about school friends and friends forever.
- A cannibal showed up late to the luncheon His friends gave him the cold shoulder.
- So FRIENDS is having a reunion Turns out the show wasn't over. They were on a break.
- I showed my sterile friend a photo of my son. He just couldn't conceive of such a thing.
- What do you call a group of friends showing off their Netflix account? NetFlex
- What did the alligator say to show support for his friend? I'm right bayou-r side
- My friend showed me a picture of him on holiday in greece Looked more like an ocean to me
- My friend is really into that show Arrow He's a real Arrow-head
- So my friend really liked that show, Lost... But he said the pilot s**....
Entertaining Friends Show Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about friends show you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean close friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friends show pranks.
Happy Birthday Henry
Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a h**... to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."
A city boy visits his friend in the country.
The country boy takes his friend out on his farm and says "I'm going to show you what we do for fun around here." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence and starts having his way with it. After he finishes he says to the city boy "Your turn." So the city boy walks over to the goat and sticks his head into the fence next to it.
My friend Todd, who is a midget was asked to be a judge at a local art show...
While going over the entries with the other judges, they came across a particularly terrible painting.
"Oh my god, this is amazing," said Todd, "I think we've found our winner."
"Are you being sarcastic?" one of the other judges asked.
Todd replied, "No, I'm just a little art official."
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
My friend Robert showed me a cross between a cabbage and a turnip...
I said, "That's cool, Robbie!"
The Polite Way to Pee
a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
My Irish friend p**... just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
"What did you get?" I asked.
"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."
I said, "Dude, these are from an real estate agents."
Come here
An Albanian guy goes for the summer to Italy. When he finally returns he won't stop bragging about all the things he did, all the places he saw, and all the things he learned.
His friend is getting annoyed with all his boasting and asks him, "How do you say 'come here' in Italian?"
"vieni qui."
"How about 'go there'?"
At this point the show-off pauses for a few seconds trying to remember.
He finally says, "I go over there and tell you 'vieni qui'."
Michelle
On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the n**... carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"
The man says, "I'm a snail."
With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"
The man answers, "Michelle."
A man brought some cookies to a party...
His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."
A seashell tattoo
A blonde is showing off her tattoo, a seashell, on the inside of her thigh. When a friend asks why she had the tattoo placed there, she answers: "When you put your ear against it, you can smell the sea!"
So me and my p**... friends have a weekly gathering...
Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just f**... A minor.
h**... waitress
During a long day of looking around a car show me and a couple of my friends stopped in at "h**...'s" for some Hot Wings and a few beers... After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators.
Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom n**..., just getting out of the shower...
"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she put it, I saw her cleaning daddy's face with it the other day."
Final exam
My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."
A magic show...
Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the saw the lady in half trick. As she is climbing into the box, Bob leans over and whispers, That's some hot broad. I'd ask her out, wouldn't you?
Nah, Hank says, I'd probably get the half that eats.
A blond chick gets a new tattoo...
So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.
One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"
"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."
Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood...
Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood when someone jumps out from behind a car, pulls out a p**..., and demands, "Give me your wallets, NOW!"
The guys, pretty much expecting this, sigh and pull out their wallets. o**... opens his wallet and shows the thief that he had no cash and no credit cards.
The other guy opens his and grabs a bill, handing it to his friend. "Oh, hey, here's the $20 I owe you."
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
Johnny shows his new watch to his girl friend
Johnny shows his new watch to his girl friend.
Johnny: My watch says you are not a v**...
Girl: But I'm still a v**...
Johnny: My watch is 20 minutes fast
Mark and his friend Michelle
go to a costume party. When they show up Michelle is clinging to Mark's back. Someone greets them and asks what they're supposed to be. Mark says that he's a snail. The other guy asks "who's on your back?" Mark replies "Michelle"
A blonde buys a thermos
She brings it to work and shows it off to all of her friends.
friend: "What does it do?"
blonde: "It keeps warm this warm and cold things cold."
friend: "What do you have in it right now?"
blonde: "A cup of coffee and two popsicle!"
Table manners
Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
My friend showed me a black computer he wanted to buy...
I said "Dont you mean an African American computer?" and he replied "Stop being so PC"
A friend of mine hosted a party to help him get over his girl friend dumping him.
Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.
He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.
No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.
A man has to leave the country..
A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately.
After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram: "The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday..."
b**... curry
A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.
Canadian: "Have you ever tried b**... curry?"
Englishman: "b**... curry,!?"
Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."
A friend showed me a funny steak pun the other day.
I must say, steak puns are truly a rare medium well done.
And then the fight started.
A son asked his mother the following question: 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white..
An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel
When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"
A friend showed me a periodic table app he made.
I told him, "Cool. When's the next update?"
He replied, "You see, one of the basic elements of app-making is that you have to update it periodically."
My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends.
It was quite the faux paw.
My friend's daughter started to cry when she saw Bieber got shot in the TV show.
My friend said to his daughter;
'Don't cry. He's not actually dead."
The girl said;
'That's why I'm crying!'
My friend Todd is a midget and was asked to judge paintings at an art show...
While reviewing the entries, they came across a particularly terrible painting.
"Oh my god, this is amazing," said Todd, "I think we've found our winner."
"Are you for real?" one of the other judges asked.
"No, I'm just a little art official."
I tried training for the Samaritans once.
But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.
-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
My wife got n**... and told me to show her a good time
So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.
A guy says, "Obstetricians named Juan can't seem to learn the whole alphabet."
His friend replies, "Why??"
"I dunno. For some reason they always get stuck at B."
"That's ridiculous. O.B. Juan can know 'B'"
I'll show my self out.
A teenager and his friend are sitting together, playing a game
The teenager asked his friend, "why do people type 'f' whenever something tragic happens on the internet?" His friend says, "people sometimes press 'f' to show respect." The teenager says, "well then, f you." His friend smiles and says, "f you too, man."
There was an accordion player
He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.
Friends
Back in the '90s my then-wife and I used to watch the TV show Friends, and as people did we would compare ourselves to the characters in the show. I always said I was the Chandler of our group because I felt I was the sarcastic, funny one, and my then-wife would always come back with saying I was more like Ross because he was whiny. We'd laugh about it, but when she eventually left me for her girlfriend I realized I should have paid more attention to what she was saying.
A new monk shows up at a monastery where the monks spend their time making copies of ancient books.
The new monk goes to the basement of the monastery saying he wants to make copies of the originals rather than of others' copies so as to avoid duplicating errors they might have made. Several hours later the monks, wondering where their new friend is, find him crying in the basement. They ask him what is wrong and he says "the word is CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!"
Another Irish joke
Two Irish ladies were out in the garden digging up potatoes. One lady pulled up two large potatoes and showed them to her friend saying "These remind me of my husband's nuts". The other says "My God, his nuts are that BIG?" "No", replies the first, "They are that DIRTY".
A boy brought his new book to show his friend....
He boasts to his friend: "The author must have been very thorough when he wrote this book, he took 10 years to write it!"
"That's nothing", the friend replies, "have you heard of the man who was sent to prison and took 20 years to finish a sentence?"
A ladiesman and his friend were in a club...
The friend asked him if he could show him on of his tricks. The ladiesman smiled and pointed to a girl across the dancefloor and moved his index finger to let her to he wanted her to come near him
The lady got close and asked him "what's up". The ladiesman look her right in the eyes and told her: "If you came with just one finger, imagine what can I do with two of them."
VERY SAD DAY.
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.
I showed my friend my new smart TV.
He said: "how smart can it be? It's trapped in a box!"
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a c**..., a man told his buddy.
Your dad showed you pictures of venereal diseases? the friend asked.
No, the first said, they were all pictures of me.
My friend told me he suffered from stage fright.
I told him he should try imagining his audience n**.... He seemed really eager to try that, thanked me and left.
A few minutes later, I realized he ran a puppet show for children.
The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.
The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's going to do when she shows up. His face contorts in frustration. "When I see her face..."
He softens.
"Imma believe 'er."
My friend and I were arguing
And I was really getting tired of the argument.
So I wrote my name on a page in my notebook and wrote his beside mine.
I then showed it to him. With confusion clearly written on his face he asks:
"Why did you write my name beside yours. How does that relate to our argument"
And then I replied: "we don't have to argue anymore since we're already on the same page".
A half man half machine, a princess, an animal like boy and a clown are trying to save their friend from her abusive father who is inside her
Teen titans was a great show
Me when I show my Itallian friend the place where things are excavated which belongs to me
"It's a mine"
My friend showed me this awesome app where you can watch exotic creatures
Apparently it is called Tik tok
My black friend said he doesn't watch the tv show "Friends," because it's racist.
How can it be racist though when it doesn't even have black people in it?!?
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?".
I said "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?", I said "No, she's an optician."
I have a pet fish that I named Ella.
She is a pretty fish, a salmon. I show her off to my friends and say This is Salmon ella .
My friend was the instructor for a group of s**... b**......
He told us:
*"I'm only going to show you how to do this once"*
Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.
VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever.
His friend says, Wow! That's the best thing since bread.
It took a lot of b**... for my friend to sign up for the reality TV show Embarrassing Bodies .
Well, three to be exact.
Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.
Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.
The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"
I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl
After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.
I can't believe people are still making Friends references more than 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I have a joke on Donald Trump.
It's a great joke. With a good buildup and a punch, and whatever. I showed it to my friends -- you know some of them are really good judge of jokes. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. Almost everyone agrees it's good. Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny. You know they love to laugh. You maybe even say it's the funniest joke ever. I have THE BEST JOKE in the world.
A 2018 report showed that the vast majority of bankers have no close friends
Apparently they're all loaners
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
