Friends Jokes

Following is our collection of invite humor and pal one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Friends puns for adults, dirty out of state friend jokes or clean best friends gags for kids.

There is an abundance of guys jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on friends. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any three friends witze you can hear about friends.

The Best jokes about Friends

What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.





At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not pooping your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money...

At age 40, success is having money.

At age 55, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.

At age 100, success is being alive.

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...



Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...

A good percentage of my friends are Nazis...

0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.


My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends

I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.

I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures

A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.

A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.

I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose...

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!

A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute

I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!


The creator of Mad Libs died this week.

His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...

They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..

It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.

If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?

Friends.

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

I froze myself to -273.1°C

..my friends and family are worried, but I'll be 0K

Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week.

I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"


I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

They say one in ten men are homosexual

In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

Why does Kylo Ren have no friends?

Because his whole life he's Ben Solo

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.

I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...

they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.

Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.

At the interview for my new job I was asked

"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"

"I don't have any!" Was my reply.

The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."

Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."

I froze myself to -273.1 degrees Celcius...

My friends were worried, but I'll be 0K

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night

She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

All of my friends told me that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. And after looking at it...

**I see why.**

Tripped over my friends bra...

..she is always setting booby traps!

A good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero.

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: â€ĶI want a lawyer

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

Someone told me there's a gay guy in my circle of friends...

I hope it's Michael. Hes cute.

Just found an app that tells you which of your family members and friends are racist.

It's called Facebook.

Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

All my friends keep saying that my new girlfriend is imaginary...

Joke's on them, so are they!

A doctor and a lawyer

During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night.

And brought it to a table of friends.

My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter.

But I can't. I'm on a roll now

Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests

Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.

My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items

It's a small scale operation

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he 's married.

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?

Mom: No, Never!

Son: Well neither would he!

My friends made fun of me because they found out that my girlfriend is imaginary...

Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.

Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son

Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.

Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?

Walter: It's on the house.

I told my friends I have a girlfriend...

They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.





Well Jokes on them because neither are they

I'm not racist! I have like 3 friends!

And five of them are black.

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.

Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.

When I die, I want my friends to do two things: 1) Scatter my remains on my ex's front lawn.

2) Also, I don't want to be cremated.

Im going to freeze myself at -273.15 °C

My friends are worried, but ill be 0K

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"

Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook?

He only has followers, not friends.

A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"

My friends told me my clothes were gay...

I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"

I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes