The Best 68 Friends Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Friends jokes. There are some friends pal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these friends best friends puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Friends Jokes and Puns
What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
Well the jokes on them â they're imaginary too...
A good percentage of my friends are Nazis...
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends
I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter.
But I can't. I'm on a roll now
Bros v. Hoes
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.
Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son
Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house.
I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...
they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
You can explore friends invite reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean friends out of state friend dad jokes. There are also friends puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed
She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.
Tripped over my friends bra...
..she is always setting booby traps!
I froze myself to -273.1 degrees Celcius...
My friends were worried, but I'll be 0K
A doctor and a lawyer
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
Someone told me there's a gay guy in my circle of friends...
I hope it's Michael. Hes cute.
I'm not racist! I have like 3 friends!
And five of them are black.
Why does Kylo Ren have no friends?
Because his whole life he's Ben Solo
I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.
She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
All my friends keep saying that my new girlfriend is imaginary...
Joke's on them, so are they!
I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.
It's called 'Facebook'
Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?
Because he 's married.
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an explosion.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose...
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!
My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.
Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
They say one in ten men are homosexual
In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items
It's a small scale operation
Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week.
I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
My friends made fun of me because they found out that my girlfriend is imaginary...
Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines...
They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
The bro code
Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.
Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.
A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.
Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.
I froze myself to -273.1°C
..my friends and family are worried, but I'll be 0K
One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night.
And brought it to a table of friends.
I was talking to a girl in a bar last night
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
The creator of Mad Libs died this week.
His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.
Thoughts and prayers.
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
A good percentage of my friends are Nazis
That percentage is zero.
If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?
Friends.
I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why.
A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
When I die, I want my friends to do two things: 1) Scatter my remains on my ex's front lawn.
2) Also, I don't want to be cremated.
All of my friends told me that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. And after looking at it...
**I see why.**
At the interview for my new job I was asked
"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"
"I don't have any!" Was my reply.
The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."
Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."
Im going to freeze myself at -273.15 °C
My friends are worried, but ill be 0K
I told my friends I have a girlfriend...
They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.
Well Jokes on them because neither are they
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: âĶI want a lawyer
Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests
Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not pooping your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money...
At age 40, success is having money.
At age 55, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.
At age 100, success is being alive.
This was the year I got all I wanted: a girlfriend, a steady job, and many new friends. All I could want for the next year is...
to be able to post this in a different sub.
Guns are like gum...
Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you've been best friends since kindergarten.
Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,
This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome with.
Apparently, I wasn't supposed to pick two of them.
A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.
A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real prude."
A British man says "I've got a bloody nose!!!"
His friends reply "yeah, we all do".
An elderly Rabbi and an elderly Priest are good friends in the retirement home.
One day the priest asks, "So tell me, Benjamin, be honest now, have you ever had bacon?" The old rabbi sighs and leans back, "Ashamedly yes. One day, In my youth, I gave into temptation and had bacon wrapped shrimp with cheese sauce....Now tell me Sean, be honest now, have you ever had sex?" The old priest sighs, leans back and says, "For my sins, yes. Once, in my youth, I gave into temptation and had a one night stand my housekeeper." The Rabbi leans in closer, "It's better than bacon, isn't it."
John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".
What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?
When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends
I invited my friends to play Russian Roulette with me.
We had a blast playing.
Friendship Among Men
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
I joined a fisting club today...
I really want to widen the circle of my friends.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the friends guys jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working friends three friends piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.