Friends House Jokes

Following is our collection of relationship puns and neighborhood one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Friends House jokes for adults, dirty acquaintance jokes and clean frien dad gags for kids.

The Best Friends House Puns

I was staying at my girlfriends house last night and her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed.

If you go to a friends house and they have a giant banner of the Soviet Union hanging in their room

That should be a red flag

I always hate going to my Rastafarian friends house

its dreadful

A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.

Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

I stayed at my girlfriends house the other day but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together

Which was a shame because he's really fit


Walking your dog

A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,

"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"

Whenever I'm over at a friends house I pee directly into the water

But don't worry, I fart loudly to mask up the sound

A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.
8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

I slept over at my girlfriends house..

...her dad did not want us to sleep together.

Which was a sin because he was really beautiful.

Two hunters and a cheat

Two men are walking up a mountain when one realizes he could see his friends house using the scope on his rifle
guy 1 " Hey look i can see your house from here!...and it looks like your wife is cheating on you"

guy 2 "just great! we leave just for a little trip and she has, has her 'friend' over. go and shoot em both! her in the head and him in the privet area"

guy 1 "watch me get that in one shot!"

So i walked into my friends house...

And he led me to Midir.


A man has to go to court after getting a DUI

The amount of work he has to do now is unbearable. Going through many court papers and documents, he decides to take a break and head to his friends house.
When he gets there, his friend asks him "hey man, how come you seem all stressed out?"
The man says, "cortisol".

I know its lame, but I just thought of it randomly

I was at my girlfriends house the other night

Her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed.

That honestly made me pretty upset because he was pretty handsome.

I was at my girlfriends house

And her hot mom went upsrairs and asked me to follow. I was just leaving when she rushed downstairs and said I passed the test.

Always forget your condoms in your car

What did the astronaut do over night?

He crashed at a friends house

Little Jimmy has spent the last few days eating over his friends house...

The first night, he ate dinner over the McNally's house. The table was set and before everyone ate, they all said a prayer.

On the second night, he ate dinner at the Goldman's house. The table was set and before anyone ate, they all said a prayer.

On the third night, little Little Jimmy went over the Vitali's house. Mamma Vitali and her daughters set the table and immediately everyone started to eat.

Shocked, Jimmy asks his friend Anthony,

"Hey Anthony, how come you guys don't pray before you eat?

Anthony replies with a mouth full of pasta,

"We're Italian, my mom knows how to cook!"

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional. He said "Forgive me father but I have sinned".

The priest replied: "tell me your sins my son."

"I am committing adultery. I have a 25 year old girl friend. Every morning I tell my wife that I am going to have coffee with my friends, but instead I go to my girl friends house where she gives me a blow job and then we have sex for an hour."

The Priest said: "adultery is a grave sin. But Mr Cohn, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

Mr. Cohn replied "hey, I'm telling everybody."

Two high school kids decide to have sex for the first time.

He goes to the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for 2 dozen of his best condoms in preparation for the evening.

Before their big date, he goes to his girlfriends house for dinner and to meet her family.

Before they eat, her father asks the boy to lead the prayer.

He leads a beautiful lengthy prayer about resisting temptation and maintaining purity.

As the young couple is walking out the door to go on their date , she says Johnny, I didn't realize you were so religious.

To which he replies, yeah, well I didn't realize your Dad was a pharmacist!

I left my backpack at my girlfriends house

She told me I could go get it but that only her little sister was there, and she'll let me in
When I arrive her little sister let's me in and takes me to my girlfriends room to get my backpack and then proceeds to completely undress, and says, We don't have to tell anyone, don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

Without saying a word I turn around and walk straight out the front door back to my car
But before I reach it my girlfriend runs out and hugs me and tells me she loves me so much and she knows now that I would never cheat on her.

Moral of the story:
Always keep your condoms in your car


If your american when you use a public washroom and american when you use a friends house, what are you when you use your own bathroom?

European

First time

A boy gets a call from his girlfriend. She tells him her parents are going out for the night so they will have the house to them selves. She then tells him she thinks ready to do it for the first time and that he should get some condoms. The boy is elated and runs over to the pharmacy to get the condoms. It's his first time so he has no idea which sort he has to get. The pharmacist notices the boys inexperience and proceeds to lecture him on the art of putting on condoms, of making love and advices him to buy a pack of twenty condoms. The boy thanks the man for the advice, buys the condoms and leaves. That evening he arrives at his girlfriends house just as her parents are leaving. The girlfriens introduces him to her parents and takes him inside where the boy immediately starts to pray. After ten minutes of fervently beseeching the lord the gril stops him. "I never knew you were so religious." The boy looks at her with fear in his eyes, "I never knew your dad whas a pharmacist."

Duke!!

A new boyfriend is having dinner at his new girlfriends house. He walks in shakes hands with everybody, and then they sit down and begin eating. A few minutes into the meal, the boyfriend realizes that he really needs to fart, really badly. He quickly glances around, and notices the family's dog, Duke, is sitting right next to him. He takes advantage of his good fortune, and quickly let's out his fart. Everyone at the table stops eating, looks up, and says, "Duke!" Relieved, the boyfriend begins eating again.
Several minutes later, the boyfriend realizes that he has to fart again. Luckily, Duke is still by his side, so he once again quickly let's his fart go. "Duke!" the family cries once again. The boyfriend is now very pleased with himself that he is blaming Duke for the farts, and not getting blamed himself.
Several minutes pass, and once again, the boyfriend decides that he needs to let one rip. The boyfriend once again releases his fart, and in reply the family shouts, "Duke, get away from him before he craps on you!"

A guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom for tonight's dinner at his girlfriends house

Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?"
Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot...lets make it two condoms."
Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?"
Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too."
That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat.
Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?"
Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."

A pastor bikes to his friends house every monday...

One Monday, the Pastor shows up 3 hours later than usual. His friend asks, "Why were you so late today?"
The Pastor replies, "My bike was stolen so I had to walk here."

His friend thinks for a minute and says "I know how you can get your bike back. Next Sunday, preach on the 10 Commandments and when you get to 'Thou Shall Not Steal', look at the congregation for anyone who looks guilty. That's the person who stole your bike"

The following Monday the Pastor shows up at his friends house on his bike. "Good news! I followed your advice and preached on the 10 Commandments," said the Pastor. "But when I got to 'Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike"

A 17-year old dude goes to the pharmacy

A 17-year old dude goes to the pharmacy.

"Hello mister, i'll be at my new girlfriends house for dinner today... you know.. become acquainted with her parents and so on. After the dinner though, i'm probably gonna have some sexy time my girlfriend. You know the deal.
So is there something you could suggest me?

"Well.. i'd suggest some... condoms?

"Well.. uhm.. sounds cool.. I.. will take some"

As he is about to leave the pharmacy he stops and returns.

"Wait a second. You know... her mum... she's hot af... and maybe i could assort some.. you know.. sexy time with her as well.
You know what.. ima take some more condoms."

Later at the dinner the young man is completely silent and is just looking at the table.

His girlfriend says.

"If i'd known you're gonna be all silent and stuff i wouldnt have invited you to this dinner!?"

The young man then answers:

"If i'd had known your dad is a pharmacist i wouldnt even be here."

There is an abundance of companionship jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes and friends house puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any time witze you can hear about friends house.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes