Friendly Fire Jokes
107 friendly fire jokes and hilarious friendly fire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friendly fire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Friendly Fire Short Jokes
Short friendly fire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friendly fire humour may include short lit fire jokes also.
- Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
- AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
- Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend* - TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.
- Cant work for my boss anymore Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.
Friend: What did he say?
Me: " You're fired " - My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
- I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire". "i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
I said, "no, it's a metaphor". - I left my job today Friend: why?
Me: I couldn't work for that boss after what he said to me.
Friend: what did he say?
Me: you're fired - My friend just got fired from her job as a masseuse. I guess she rubbed people the wrong way.
- Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire? Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
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Friendly Fire One Liners
Which friendly fire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friendly fire? I can suggest the ones about bonfire and free fire.
- TIL that during wwii 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
- What do you call a fatality that results from friendly fire in a gang war? Homiecide
- I feel sorry for my circus friend, the human cannonball He just got fired
- Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends? Because Paracetamol on fire.
- "What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend... "I got fired." He replied.
- My friend William joined the army He is uncomfortable with the phrase "Fire at Will"
- My friend got fired from his job at the orange juice factory He couldn't concentrate
- My friend got fired from his banking job... because he lost interest.
- My boss just fired me for taking a day off! I'll miss my friends at the calendar factory.
- Don't play with fire! And fire lost his last friend :(
- My friend got fired from subway for messing up an order oops, wrong sub.
- Friends: Let's go see the Solar Eclipse. Me: Let's go attack the Fire Nation.
- Remember Kids! Friendly fire, isn't.
- My friend tried to light a cop car on fire. He threw 99 Bananas...
- A friend of mine just got fired from his job as a butcher. Apparently he was offal.
Silly Friendly Fire Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about friendly fire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forest fire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friendly fire pranks.
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.
The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
My gay friend got fired from the s**... bank because they caught him drinking on the job.
Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....
... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"
Two men are hunting in the woods.
One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.
"Hello, what is your emergency?"
"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"
"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*
"Ok, now I'm sure."
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
Guy bumps into a friend ...
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
A blonde
Is at her friend's house when the kitchen catches on fire, so she calls 911. "My friend's house is on fire!" she tells the operator. The operator asks for the address but she can't remember. The operator thinks for a moment then says, "Well, we are located in the center of town, how do we get to there?" The blonde replies, " Duh! A big red truck."
My friends got tired of the "Chinese Fire Drill".
Instead, we shout "Triangle Fire Drill", lock the car doors and scream until we reach our destination.
There are two cavemen sitting by a fire...
One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, "You like beetles?"
and his friend says, "No,*CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."
The Camping Trip
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am.
My friend was fired for sticking his finger in the pickle slicer again the other day
Don't worry they fired her too
The Unluckiest Guy in the world
A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'
In preschool, I became friends with a little girl
I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired.
Two friends are in a bar when suddenly the towns fire horn sounds
the one friend jumps up and heads towards the door.
"I didn't know you were a fireman!" the friend says.
"I'm not," says the other, "my girlfriend's husband is!"
Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend?
Because...bros before hose!
What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire?
She's Bright...
TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
My friend said he almost got trapped at a camp site during a forest fire...
...He said it was pretty in-tents.
Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher.
o**... accidentally fires at his friend's c**.... His friend falls to the ground and screams, "MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"
My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings...
...he is an ex-tractor fan.
Devastated. A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money...
A genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.
My friend got fired from his job selling industrial vacuum cleaners.
It's cool though he said it s**....
What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire?
Natural Logs
Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me
Chinese civil war
Imagine a Chinese civil war where friendly fire would be so common because they all look the same
An old fire mage asks his granddaughter to help him set up a "Face Book".
After she helps him sign up, add some friends, and pick a profile picture, he decides to write a short profile description as well.
"What would you like it to say?" says the granddaughter.
"Well, first, I am a fire mage, and I... love lemon meringue."
The granddaughter nods "mm-hmm" and begins typing:
"Pie-romancer."
My friend died from an e**... after lighting his f**... on fire.
But I know he's at peace because the last thing he saw was a light at the end of his tunnel.
What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common?
Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.
Source: Friend told me
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.
My Russian friend recently got fired from his government job...
...apparently they said he couldn't hack it.
So I just got fired...
Friend: How did you get fired?
Me: My boss told me to keep my problems outside from the job.
Friend: And then?
Me: I told my boss to go away from the workplace.
Friend: ...
A friend of mine just got fired from his job at a mint factory
His wife went absolutely menthol
I live in California and my friend told me, I wish the leaves here changed color. I told him, the leaves in California change all the time...
they go from green to on fire.
VERY SAD DAY.
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.
My best friend burnt me with a flamethrower once...
Fortunately, I survived because it was friendly fire.
Economy
My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?
Me: If they breathed fire!
When Japan invaded China in World War II...
...imagine how many people died from friendly fire.
They fired my friend, doctor, for sleeping with his patient
After 7 years of studying, they fired my friend, doctor. He slept with his patient and can no longer carry out his profession for this. So much effort, time, money, and hop, it's just a one little mistake that makes you lose everything. Dave, I stand by you, you are still a wonderful person and an excellent veterinarian for me!
I have a friend who worked at a pickle factory
He got fired for putting his finger in the pickle slicer...
She got fired too.
My friend got fired recently...
After years of medical training, a friend of mine was fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients, so he can no longer work in his profession. I feel really bad for him because he is a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
My wife said she thinks I like my friends more than her and if she was stuck in a burning building with my best friend that I would probably save my friend and she would die.
I told her if she was alone with my best friend in a building I probably started the fire.
This probably isn't the place to post this.
My heart breaks! VERY SAD DAY TODAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money. Even worse, is the fact that he is still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show how one little mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great person, and a brilliant Veterinarian.
My not so smart friend got fired from the M&M factory the other day......
.....he was throwing out all the W's.
My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.
He was struggling to put food on the table.
My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing.
I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
I wish my friend actually cared about Earth, Wind and Fire lyrics.
All they remember is
"dancing in September."
Why are b**... allowed to join the police force
Friendly fire isn't allowed
My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday
So I lit his wheelchair on fire
My friends and I got a jobs at the local bakery recently
Half of us have been fired already. Apparently the place has a high turnover rate.
My friend studied for 10 years to become a doctor only to get fired after having s**... relationship with one of his patients
Shame, he was a good vet
A blonde was going for a driving test for her license but was nervous as she'd failed 8 times before. After talking with her blonde friends they came up with a sure-fire plan. She was to pick a man as the driving instructor, and to use s**... as a bargaining tactic in exchange for passing her
She came back disappointed though, she failed.
What happened? her friends asked.
When I was s**... him off, I crashed
Why did my blond friend got fired from the ''M&M'' factory?
Because she threw away every candies labeled ''W''
Today's events
3 things happened today:-
1. My friend said he hated PewDiePie
2. He was run over by a bus.
3. I got fired from the bus company.
My friend used to work for an animal shelter, but he got fired.
He really s**... the pooch.
You too can help prevent wild fires.
Just a friendly tip. Google your joke before you post it here. It will tell you when the last time it was posted to this sub. Help do your part to keep this sub trash fire free!
Why did Billy die by friendly fire in war?
Because when the enemies were spotted, the commander ordered everybody on the battlefield to fire at will.
What's the worst time for friendly fire?
In the middle of a t**....
A man was at a f**... because his entire family was killed in a fire
At the f**... all his cousins and friends were sobbing and crying, but when someone noticed he wasnt even showing emotion they went up and asked "Dont you even care that your family is dead?!"
"I do, I'm just not a mourning person"
Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.
VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"