Friendly Fire Jokes
107 friendly fire jokes and hilarious friendly fire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friendly fire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Friendly Fire Short Jokes
Short friendly fire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friendly fire humour may include short lit fire jokes also.
- Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
- AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
- Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend* - TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.
- My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
- I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire". "i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
I said, "no, it's a metaphor". - Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire? Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
- What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire? Natural Logs
Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me - A friend of mine just got fired from his job at a mint factory His wife went absolutely menthol
- TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
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Friendly Fire One Liners
Which friendly fire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friendly fire? I can suggest the ones about bonfire and free fire.
- TIL that during wwii 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
- What do you call a fatality that results from friendly fire in a gang war? Homiecide
- I feel sorry for my circus friend, the human cannonball He just got fired
- Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends? Because Paracetamol on fire.
- "What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend... "I got fired." He replied.
- My friend William joined the army He is uncomfortable with the phrase "Fire at Will"
- My friend got fired from his banking job... because he lost interest.
- Don't play with fire! And fire lost his last friend :(
- My friend got fired from subway for messing up an order oops, wrong sub.
- Remember Kids! Friendly fire, isn't.
- My friend tried to light a cop car on fire. He threw 99 Bananas...
- A friend of mine just got fired from his job as a butcher. Apparently he was offal.
- My friends just invited me to go blaze But I don't like the idea of getting set on fire.
- What's the worst time for friendly fire? In the middle of a t**....
- Why are b**... allowed to join the police force Friendly fire isn't allowed
Silly Friendly Fire Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about friendly fire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forest fire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friendly fire pranks.
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom.
The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over.
She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did.
And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am.
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.
The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
$20 dollars for s**...
I man and woman get married, on the night of their wedding, the man approaches his wife, ready to make love for the first time. She smiles sweetly and sticks her hand out. "That will be $20 please!" He goes along with her game and gives her $20. As the years of their marriage go by, she continues her little $20 game, always requesting it before making love to her husband. He figures this is just her cute little way of getting spending cash for her clothes and lunch with her girl friends, so he always obeys.
After 30 years of marriage, he comes home one day, and tells his wife he has been fire from his job, they are broke, they have no retirement! She gathers her check book and shows him many lists of $20 deposits into a savings account. He realizes what she has been doing all a long, and says to her, "d**..., if I would have known what you were doing I would have given you all my business."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....
... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hunting in the woods.
One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.
"Hello, what is your emergency?"
"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"
"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*
"Ok, now I'm sure."
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
military jokes
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster b**... from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual
"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal
"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon
"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
Guy bumps into a friend ...
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
manager told me this one at dinner last weekend
Working in the field of engineering, things can get pretty dull...so here it goes.
There once was a man, lets call him John, who applied for a position at Tyco to manufacture Tickle-me Elmos. He figured he would make the cut as he knew the hiring manager. John landed the job and was told he'd be needed right away.
John reports to duty the next day and is immediately greeted by a man storming out of the building who obviously just got fired. On his way out he tells the John "Watch out, sales are down...you might be next."
Once John reports to his manager(friend), he inquires about sales being down to which the manager responds, "Yes indeed, sales are down because quality has depreciated." John asks why and the manager says, "People aren't testing the Elmo dolls seriously, you need two test tickles not just one"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... dies a terrible death...
p**... died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't p**...."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't p**...."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, p**... had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes p**... with them two arseholes... "
My friends got tired of the "Chinese Fire Drill".
Instead, we shout "Triangle Fire Drill", lock the car doors and scream until we reach our destination.
There are two cavemen sitting by a fire...
One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, "You like beetles?"
and his friend says, "No,*CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and his friends
Bubba, Dale, and Vern grew up together in a small town, and were inseparable friends. One day there was an e**... and fire where Bubba worked, and he was killed. Since he had no family in the area, the authorities asked his friends to come and identify the body.
Dale and Vern looked at him, but he was so badly burned that they were unsure if it was really Bubba.
Finally Dale said, "Could you turn him over?"
"Why do you want him turned over?"
"Everybody knows that Bubba had a deformity."
"A deformity?"
"Sure. Everybody knew about it. When the three of us would walk into a place, people would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'".
The Camping Trip
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boss had a sudden dilemma...
...as due to the company's restructuring, he has to fire one of two employees, Karen or Jack. Both are excellent workers and are perfect for the job, but the position was deemed redundant and only one should stay.
While out for lunch, he decided to confide with his office friend, "Look, I can't really decide on this matter. What do you think: should I take Karen or j**...?"
His friend replied, "Well, kidnapping is a crime and m**...'s not. I think the answer's obvious."
The Unluckiest Guy in the world
A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A board boy sitting in restaurant and taking drinks.
Oneday, Jimmy was bored sitting in a restaurant in front of a Pepsi bottle.
Just later his friend Jekko came and drink the Pepsi.
He said, hello you so board, why?
Jimmy said, bad luck today. In the morning my girlfriend broke relationship with me unknown reason.
My car faces unknown problem, that's why I reached office late.
That's why my boss fired me from the job.
The whole I'm frustated and decided to s**... and mixed poison in the bottle of Pepsi.
It's so bad luck that you drink the whole Pepsi.
The day is really bad for me that I can't take the poison.
In preschool, I became friends with a little girl
I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired.
Two friends are in a bar when suddenly the towns fire horn sounds
the one friend jumps up and heads towards the door.
"I didn't know you were a fireman!" the friend says.
"I'm not," says the other, "my girlfriend's husband is!"
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend?
Because...bros before hose!
What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire?
She's Bright...
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
My friend said he almost got trapped at a camp site during a forest fire...
...He said it was pretty in-tents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher.
o**... accidentally fires at his friend's c**.... His friend falls to the ground and screams, "MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"
My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings...
...he is an ex-tractor fan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend got fired from his job selling industrial vacuum cleaners.
It's cool though he said it s**....
Chinese civil war
Imagine a Chinese civil war where friendly fire would be so common because they all look the same
An old fire mage asks his granddaughter to help him set up a "Face Book".
After she helps him sign up, add some friends, and pick a profile picture, he decides to write a short profile description as well.
"What would you like it to say?" says the granddaughter.
"Well, first, I am a fire mage, and I... love lemon meringue."
The granddaughter nods "mm-hmm" and begins typing:
"Pie-romancer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend died from an e**... after lighting his f**... on fire.
But I know he's at peace because the last thing he saw was a light at the end of his tunnel.
My Russian friend recently got fired from his government job...
...apparently they said he couldn't hack it.
So I just got fired...
Friend: How did you get fired?
Me: My boss told me to keep my problems outside from the job.
Friend: And then?
Me: I told my boss to go away from the workplace.
Friend: ...
I live in California and my friend told me, I wish the leaves here changed color. I told him, the leaves in California change all the time...
they go from green to on fire.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are being chased by police.
As they are running, they get cornered by the police with their guns trained on the trio. The brunette, thinking quickly, points behind the police and screams "Look, a tornado!". So the police look. While they are distracted, the brunette escapes. The redhead, seeing an opportunity, shouts "Look, a tsunami!". So the police look. While they are distracted, the redhead escapes. The blonde, seeing it work for her friends, shouts "Fire!". So the police fire.
A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.
The brunette went first. Seeing that the soldiers were a little naive, she waited until they raised their rifles and yelled "TORNADO!". The soldiers panicked and ran and in the ensuing confusion the brunette escaped.
They then beought out the redhead. She waited until the soldiers raised their rifles and yelled "FLOOD!". Again the soldiers ran for cover and she was able to escape.
The blonde was then brought out. Ahe decided to try and mimic her friends. So, as the soldiers raised their rifles, she yelled "FIRE!"....
My best friend burnt me with a flamethrower once...
Fortunately, I survived because it was friendly fire.
Economy
My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?
Me: If they breathed fire!
When Japan invaded China in World War II...
...imagine how many people died from friendly fire.
They fired my friend, doctor, for sleeping with his patient
After 7 years of studying, they fired my friend, doctor. He slept with his patient and can no longer carry out his profession for this. So much effort, time, money, and hop, it's just a one little mistake that makes you lose everything. Dave, I stand by you, you are still a wonderful person and an excellent veterinarian for me!
Ever heard of Spontaneous Human Combustion?
I have a friend named Sally. Well... she's not really a friend, but I knew her in high school. Anyways, one day she went out shopping. As she was strolling through the aisles, her arm caught fire! Just her arm and nothing else. It was a fascinating sight to see. A young woman flailing about the cereals and pancakes with flames spewing from her arm. Finally, the police show up. They immediately throw her in cuffs and send her to jail. What was her charge?
Possession of an Unlicensed Firearm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend of mine recently left the s**... bank.
He was fired for drinking on the job.
My wife said she thinks I like my friends more than her and if she was stuck in a burning building with my best friend that I would probably save my friend and she would die.
I told her if she was alone with my best friend in a building I probably started the fire.
My not so smart friend got fired from the M&M factory the other day......
.....he was throwing out all the W's.
My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.
He was struggling to put food on the table.
My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing.
I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
I wish my friend actually cared about Earth, Wind and Fire lyrics.
All they remember is
"dancing in September."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday
So I lit his wheelchair on fire
My friends and I got a jobs at the local bakery recently
Half of us have been fired already. Apparently the place has a high turnover rate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend studied for 10 years to become a doctor only to get fired after having s**... relationship with one of his patients
Shame, he was a good vet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde was going for a driving test for her license but was nervous as she'd failed 8 times before. After talking with her blonde friends they came up with a sure-fire plan. She was to pick a man as the driving instructor, and to use s**... as a bargaining tactic in exchange for passing her
She came back disappointed though, she failed.
What happened? her friends asked.
When I was s**... him off, I crashed
Today's events
3 things happened today:-
1. My friend said he hated PewDiePie
2. He was run over by a bus.
3. I got fired from the bus company.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend used to work for an animal shelter, but he got fired.
He really s**... the pooch.
You too can help prevent wild fires.
Just a friendly tip. Google your joke before you post it here. It will tell you when the last time it was posted to this sub. Help do your part to keep this sub trash fire free!
Why did Billy die by friendly fire in war?
Because when the enemies were spotted, the commander ordered everybody on the battlefield to fire at will.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was at a f**... because his entire family was killed in a fire
At the f**... all his cousins and friends were sobbing and crying, but when someone noticed he wasnt even showing emotion they went up and asked "Dont you even care that your family is dead?!"
"I do, I'm just not a mourning person"