Friend Request Jokes
52 friend request jokes and hilarious friend request puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friend request that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Friend Request Short Jokes
Short friend request jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friend request humour may include short friends show jokes also.
- My pornstar friend recently passed away. Per his request, we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
- It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and... they don't accept your friend request.
- Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence. So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."
- If you get a Facebook Friend request from the Saudi Embassy, Do not accept it! You will get hacked.
- You gotta be careful on social media these days. I mean, just today I accepted a friend request from Xerox. Turns out it was a scan.
- What is Facebook? Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .
- When I try to tell my friend a joke and she takes it as a request for advice.... I love her.
- I hate when someone I had s**... with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook. Request denied, Principle Anderson.
Share These Friend Request Jokes With Friends
Friend Request One Liners
Which friend request one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friend request? I can suggest the ones about friends forever and friends inside.
- Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods... It could be spam.
- Who sent Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel a friend request on Facebook Darkness.
- Do not accept a friend request from Lizzie Borden.... You will get hacked.
- TIFU after my wife requested foreplay. I asked which of her two friends we should invite.
- I got a friend request from Hormel Foods today Turns out it was just Spam.
- jomomma.ninja Jo Mamma is so Ninja, that even Chuck Norris sent her a Friend request.
- DC sends a friend request to Capacitor. Capacitor blocks DC.
- Pro Tip - If a hot s**... female sends you a friend request on facebook.. REJECT HIM.
Friend Request Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about friend request you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friend ship jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friend request pranks.
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner.
Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That's really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
$20 dollars for s**...
I man and woman get married, on the night of their wedding, the man approaches his wife, ready to make love for the first time. She smiles sweetly and sticks her hand out. "That will be $20 please!" He goes along with her game and gives her $20. As the years of their marriage go by, she continues her little $20 game, always requesting it before making love to her husband. He figures this is just her cute little way of getting spending cash for her clothes and lunch with her girl friends, so he always obeys.
After 30 years of marriage, he comes home one day, and tells his wife he has been fire from his job, they are broke, they have no retirement! She gathers her check book and shows him many lists of $20 deposits into a savings account. He realizes what she has been doing all a long, and says to her, "d**..., if I would have known what you were doing I would have given you all my business."
Magic
So there is this man, lets call him John, who just took a magic course. Convinced that he was a magician, he went up to his friend called Rob. John then requested Rob to hit his head with a hammer. "why would I do that?" asked his friend. "because I am a magician. I'll be alright. It's really cool! Hit me as hard as you can. I'll live. I really will! I promise I will live. Just hit me." So Rob takes the hammer, and reluctantly smashes John on the head. To his dismay, John crumples to the ground. Rob rushes him to the hospital and explained what happened to the doctors. The doctors take Rob in, and try everything they could do to get him out of the coma he fell into, but nothing worked, so they put John on life support. Rob felt so guilty and s**... that he smashed John with a hammer, believing he was a magician,that he stayed by his side all year through, until he awoke from his coma. "John! You promised me you would live if I smashed you with that hammer! I should have known you weren't a magician." John then gestured to himself, and said "tadaaaa"
A Texan Visits Israel
A Texan visits Israel for vacation and spends several weeks travelling around to see the different sites. One day, while making his way through the countryside to a destination, he realizes he is quite thirsty and stops at a small farm to request a drink. The owner of the farm is quite friendly and provides the Texan with a drink of water. Israel is not a particularly large country and has a fairly large population, so the individual farmsteads are rather small. Noticing this, and feeling friendly, the Texan talks a bit.
'Back in a Texas, I'm a farmer too, although it's a bit different there. If I climb in my truck early in the morning and drive until noon across my property, I'm not even halfway across. If I keep driving until the sun sets, I'll have only reached the other end of my property, and I'll have to camp out and drive back the next day'
The Israeli farmer nods before responding
'I once had a truck like that'
A married couple was in a terrible accident...
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
An dying man's last wish...
An elderly man on his death bed tells his wife "Honey, I want you to promise me that when I go you will put all my money in the casket with me." Reluctantly, his wife agrees and assures him she will uphold her promise.
After the f**..., the women tells her friend about her husband's odd request - "You know, he made me swear to bury all our money with him". The friend replies, "That's crazy! I can't believe you would actually do that". And the elderly woman says "Don't worry...I wrote him a check".
A pirate walks into a bar...
Disclaimer: I heard this joke from a friend at work. I've no idea where he heard it or if he happened to make it up. If someone could provide a source, I'll gladly edit the post.
~
A pirate walks into the bar and the bartender just stares at him. There's a paper towel stuck to his forehead. The pirate walks up, slams his hand on the counter and exclaims, "I need some r**...!"
Ignoring the paper towel for now, the bartender complies. After a few more rounds, the pirate's loud and obnoxious and having a great time in general.
At the request of the next round, the bartender complies once again, this time asking, "Alright, I just have to know. Are you aware there's a paper towel stuck to your forehead?"
The pirate nods and sigh dejectedly. "Aye, I've got a bounty on me head."
Aging
A young married couple was invited to their friend's home for dinner one evening. Their host was an elderly 82-year-old couple.
The young couple was impressed by the way the elderly man preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms like: "Darling, Sugar, Dear, Honey, Sweetheart," etc.
When the young man was alone with the old man in the veranda, the young man said, "I know both of you have been married for over 60 years and you are still so in love with one another. It's so wonderful after being married for so many years, you can still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man sighed, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 20 years ago."
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
Three guys die in a car c**......
At the pearly gates, the angel says, I'm sorry, gentlemen. You were taken before your time. We can't send you back, but we'll give you one last request. You can have your family and friends say anything you want at your f**..., and it will become true. What do you want it to be?
o**... says, I want them to say that I was a very successful stockbroker with lots of cars and beautiful women.
The second guy says, I want them to say that I was a beloved man with lots of children, an adoring wife, and hundreds of friends.
The third guy says, I want them to say, 'Hey, he's moving!'"
My Drink With My Girl Friends and Rainy Night:
The day starts with rain, and whole the day i have not seen even a single train. At night she come to me o yeaah! She holds a v**... Bottle. Asked me for enjoying the full night with continuously sips of packs. I opened the bottle take a pack, she watched. Again i make a pack and take it. She looked at me and waiting for her pack. Again i make a pack and take it. She stands up. I request her to set down. Again i make a pack and take it. She stands and went off. Again I make a Pack and Tack it :D
What to Wear
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most s**... negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get s**..."
The old couple next door.
A young, friendly neighborhood couple were making their first visit to a very old couple next door. They were impressed by the way the old man preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the young husband leaned over and said to the old man, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"
Request for a months worth of jokes for a cancer patient.
A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.
Honest Husband
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
A rabbi is on his deathbed...
...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."
A man is up for m**...
A man is up for m**... and discovers his friend a member of the jury
He asks him with great glee "will you please try and get me sentenced with manslaughter"
His friend decides to take up the request.
The mans day in court comes up and he is sentenced with manslaughter, delighted he turns to his friend ans says "was it difficult to get everyone else to go with manslaughter"
His friend replies "it wasn't easy the rest of them didn't think you were guilty at all"
A bottle of Scotch
An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".
A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently.
A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently. He requested for two masseurs, one for him and another for his wife.
After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai massuer said, "Massage pinis". He kept ghastly quiet pretending not to have heard it.
Again, the massuer repeated herself, "Massage pinis". Again he kept quiet, turned his face away from wife and gave a cheeky smile.
Then the wife shouted across, "How many times do you need her to repeat? She said massage has finished!!
My friend was a violent serial killer...
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.
Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
My friend, who studies mice, wanted a specific rodent to complete his collection.
He asked me to find one for him. I searched far and wide for a homosexual rodent of the Ming subspecies (that was his request).
After a few months, I found a rodent that matched his request. But when I gave it to him, he slapped me.
I was shocked. "Why did you slap me?", I asked out of frustration.
"You idiot! I asked you for a gaming mouse!!"
My friend Dave was a single guy living at home with his Father and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly Father died.
Dave wanted two things:
1. To learn how to invest his inheritance.
2. To find a wife to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my Father will die, and I'll inherit $20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman requested his business card.
Two weeks later, she became his Stepmother.
A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.
So, at the f**... reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.
A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."
Three vampires walk into a bar
They all take a seat and the bartender comes up to serve them.
'I'll have a glass of blood', the first vampire says. The bartender hands it to him and looks over to the next vampire.
'I'll have a glass of blood too', the second vampire says. The bartender does the same before walking up to the third.
'I'll have a cup of boiling water please', the third vampire requests. The bartender looks at him, puzzled.
'Not having a glass of blood like your friends?', the bartender asks.
'Not today.' the final vampire said, taking out a used t**... from his pocket. 'I'm making tea.'
[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding
Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to find and bring with. Just nothing seems all that funny, any ideas? Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to delete!
Rich Twocock went to the court to change his name.
He filled up all necessary forms and gave a lengthy explanation about how everybody tell jokes about his name, including his family members and friends. The judge finally accepted his request and at the end of the interview session asked him: what other name do you want to have ?
He answered: I want to become Eric Twocock.