Friend Jokes

165 friend jokes and hilarious friend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some funny jokes to share with your friends? Check out our collection of friend jokes that are sure to make you laugh out loud!

Funniest Friend Short Jokes

Short friend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friend humour may include short mates jokes also.

  1. Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
  2. My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
  3. When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
  4. What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
  5. My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
    Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...
  6. My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
  7. My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
  8. A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
    'Not that many!'
  9. My nerdy friend just got a phd on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.
  10. Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

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Friend One Liners

Which friend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friend? I can suggest the ones about partner and enemy.

  1. My friend wanted t know how I got all my karma I replied "piece of cake"
  2. I have a russian friend who's a sound technician And a Czech one too.
    A Czech one too.
  3. I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
  4. I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer and a Czech one too. Czech one too.
  5. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there He said he couldnt complain
  6. If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
  7. In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone" They call it the "Pal Region"
  8. My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes. He's now Dr.Awkward.
  9. I froze myself to -273.1°C friends and family are worried, but I'll be 0K
  10. A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.
  11. "When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..." the vowels."
    Friend: "Why?"
    Me: "Sometimes."
  12. My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
  13. Why does Kylo Ren have no friends? Because his whole life he's Ben Solo
  14. My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D... ... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.
  15. I once thought I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.

Bad Friend Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad friend jokes and even better bad friend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there His exact words were... "I can't complain"
    Must not be all that bad there.
  • My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces
  • My friend is panicking because he is missing a puzzle piece for his 10,000 piece puzzle if he thinks that bad, I'm missing 9,999 pieces
  • When they start with the punchline. How do you know if your friend is a bad comedian?
  • I'm tired of my friend complaining about missing one piece of his 10k puzzle… If he thinks that's bad, I'm missing 9999 pieces.
  • I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping
  • Two best friends meet. "I have two bad news" says one to the other... "OK, combine them."
    "Your wife is cheating on us."
  • I don't get why people say that North Korea is bad My friend lives there, and he can't complain about anything.
  • My ex gf wanted to embarrass me, and attempted to do so by loudly proclaiming in front of her friends how bad I was in bed. You should have seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.
  • Missing puzzle piece My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle.
    If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces.

Mean Friend Jokes

Here is a list of funny mean friend jokes and even better mean friend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
  • The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
  • My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
  • My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...
  • My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water." I know he means well.
  • My friend told me that I don't understand the meaning of irony... ...which was ironic because we were at a train station
  • My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water." I know he means well.
  • A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
    - - Jane ate her friend's colon.
  • I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
  • My wife left me for my best friend. Well, I mean now he's my best friend.
Friend joke, My wife left me for my best friend.

What My Blonde Friend Did Jokes

Here is a list of funny what my blonde friend did jokes and even better what my blonde friend did puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem... The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."
    The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"
  • "I got a compliment on my driving today," said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield that said "parking fine".
  • A blonde does an IQ test Her friend asks her how it went. " Don't worry, it came out negative"-she replies
  • I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
  • "Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another. "Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"
  • I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye
  • My blonde friend got breast implants I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"
  • Blonde: My husbands dandruff is getting out of control! Friend: Why don't you give him head and shoulders?
    Blonde: How do you give shoulders?
  • I recently told my blonde friend that my grandfather kicked the bucket the other day. She asked, "Is his foot okay?"
  • Why can't a blonde dial 911 She can't find the eleven.
    Not sure if someone already posted this joke but a friend told me so I had to post it.

Friend Birthday Jokes

Here is a list of funny friend birthday jokes and even better friend birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
    This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
  • I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday, I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
  • My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, So I made her and all her friends clean the house.
  • I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend. Nothing beats a homemade present!
  • I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday... He said that it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
  • A friend of mine and I were both born on 4/20. We always have a joint birthday party.
  • Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
  • My smoking hot, lesbian best friends got me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misheard me when I said I wanna watch.
  • My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."
  • Blind friend and a cheese grater I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Friend Zone Jokes

Here is a list of funny friend zone jokes and even better friend zone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
  • The Friend zone. It's like being turned down for a job, then they call you a week later complaining about the person they hired.
  • How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!
  • Me and a friend go in a bar... My friend who is homosexual was high, so he was looking zoned out.
    The bartender asked why he looked confused. I said because he wasn't thinking straight.
  • With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she licked my face and wagged her tail!
  • How many guys in the friend-zone does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they just keep complimenting it and complain when it doesn't screw.
  • What is the friend zone? It's the space between girlfriend and girl friend.
  • What's the difference between high school and the friend zone? I have a chance of making it out of high school.
  • How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! They can't screw anything.
  • How to not feel sad when you are friend-zoned? Asking for a friend.
Friend joke, How to not feel sad when you are friend-zoned?

Ridiculous Friend Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about friend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean neighbor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friend pranks.

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.

He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends

I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.

My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the v**... Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I said, "No. s**... that I can't tell anyone about."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend

But it was just my imaginasian.

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had s**... was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

One man in the crowd then yelled

Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

Today my s**... friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

My friend Tommy drowned the other day...

At his f**..., we placed a lifejacket on his coffin.
It's what he would have wanted...

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many s**... partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the f**... very awkward.

I lied about my age

A 60 yr old Billionaire came to the Bar with his gorgeous 25 yr old wife!
Friend: "How did she marry you?"
Billionaire: "I lied about my age!"
Friend: "You said 45?"
Billionaire: "No! I told her I was 90"

One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..

It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.

i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

A man goes on a date

Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

I have an imaginary friend, but he keeps making fun of me.

He keeps saying, At least I have a real friend.

My friend Dave drowned.

At his f**... we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebuoy. It's what he would've wanted.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

My author friend claims that he 'accidentally' glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him.

But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.

10 years ago today, I married my best friend

My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."

"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had s**... with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."

I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms

The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry

... but you can't count Missouri twice.

My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend!

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

German joke translated, hope you get it: "Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend..."

"Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend..."
"With who?"
"But since when is Thomas your best friend?"
"Since yesterday."

I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college

I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.

My friend just hired a limo for £1000 but it didn't come with a driver

Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it

A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"

An African man visits his friend in the US

I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .

My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill...

So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.
Feel free to downvote me to reddit h**......

Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.

The first says, "My son is so successful, he's VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. "
The second says, " That's nothing, my son is CEO of his company and just gave his best friend a house."
The third says, "Well, my son owns 3 highly profitable companies and just gave his best friend a jet."
They look expectantly at the last guy who says, "My son is a gay e**... who gets showered with love and admiration. He just got a car, a house, and a jet from three of his clients."

My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke

A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

My wife was dying.

I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "There's nothing to confess.
Everything's alright."
"No, I must die in peace. I had s**... with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father."
"I know," I whispered, " That's why I poisoned you."

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.

She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

Just met my friend on the street crying his eyes out so I asked him what was wrong

He said "Today is the 2nd of the 2nd 2022 and I just turned 22 so I went to the bookies and put €222 on the second horse in the second race of the day.. It was at 2.22!"
"That all sounds great" I said, "What went wrong"?
"He came second".

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't...

Because it was booked.

\-My Pops

My friend was bragging his new 3D printer can print a gun.

I wasn't impressed, I've had a Canon printer for years!

I have a friend who always subtly mentions that he went to MIT

I simply hate his behavior. He'd somehow figure out a way to drop it into a conversation just to let people know he's an MIT alumni.
He's always been like this. Even when we were in college together.

«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?»

Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."

Friend joke, «I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service f

jokes about friend