Friend Birthday Jokes
96 friend birthday jokes and hilarious friend birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friend birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Friend Birthday Short Jokes
Short friend birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friend birthday humour may include short daughter birthday jokes also.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday, I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
- My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, So I made her and all her friends clean the house.
- Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
- My lesbian friend and her girlfriend gave me a watch for my birthday Which is great and all, but that's not what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"...
- So today... I asked a friend when their birthday was. They told me March 1st
So I stood up, walked around the room and asked again - I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his birthday. He's going to have a fit when he sees it.
- My friend's son wanted to be a "Super-Pirate" for his birthday... But after running against the door he discovered that even a "Super-Pirate" only needs one eyepatch
- After his birthday party, a little boy goes to his mother Son: Mom, you need to act funnier, especially in front of
my friends. You never make jokes!
Mother: I made you - Birthday Return Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for her birthday?"
Me: "Her son back!"
Share These Friend Birthday Jokes With Friends
Friend Birthday One Liners
Which friend birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friend birthday? I can suggest the ones about wife birthday and birthday celebration.
- A friend of mine and I were both born on 4/20. We always have a joint birthday party.
- For his birthday, I got my friend a telepathic abacus. It's the thought that counts.
- my friends gave me dirt for my birthday I really appreciated the sediment
- Dad! My friend gave me a cheese grater for my birthday! That's grate, son.
- My friend called me 'Curiosity' Because I'm the only one who celebrates my birthday
- Today is my friend's birthday... I'll never forget.
- A guy hires a stripper for his friend's birthday It's the thot that counts.
- My Islamic friend had a birthday party... It was a blast!
Friend Birthday Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about friend birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dad birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friend birthday pranks.
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"
Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.
You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
My daughter learned to count!
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.
Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.
Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."
His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."
Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"
(My best friend's son came up with this, happy birthday Dave!)
Three women started boasting about their sons...
"What a birthday I had last year!" exclaimed the first. " My son, that wonderful boy, threw me a big party in a fancy restaurant. He even paid for plane tickets for my friends."
"That's very nice, but listen to this," said the second. "Last winter, my son gave me an all-expense-paid cruise to the Greek islands. First class."
"That's nothing!" interrupted the third. "For five years now my son has been paying a psychiatrist $150 an hour, three times a week. And the whole time he talks about nothing but me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Happy Birthday Henry
Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a h**... to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."
An elder couple goes to restaurant in Paris
An elder couple goes to a restaurant for the man's 100th birthday. Upon entering a favorite restaurant of his, they found out it is fully booked.
In an attempt to seal a table still, the woman starts explaining how her husband fought in World War II for his country, that he came to this particular restaurant with his army friends. He probably wouldn't live much longer than this, and though his army friends were long gone, he wanted to dine here one last time.
Moved by his story the manager fixed them a table and gave them the best possible service he could. After a wealthy fine dinner, with some really great wines the couple proceeds to check out.
When paying the manager asked the man, who had been rather quiet so far, if everything was ok. To which the man replied: Das Essen war sehr gut, vielen Dank!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
Four guys were golfing when one gets a phone call and walks away
The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. The second guy then brags about his son. My son is so successful, he started out as a used car salesman but now owns his own dealership. He recently gave a friend a brand new Bentley as a birthday gift. The third guy, not to be outdone, says that his son started as a carpenter but now owns a construction company. The last gift he gave a friend was a brand new house. At this point, the fourth guy returns from his call. The other gentleman ask about his son, to which he replies "Well, I'm not too pleased with my son right now. He has been unemployed for the last year and a half, and he recently told me he is gay." As the other men look at him in horror, he continues "But he must be really good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends gave him a huge stock portfolio, and new luxury car, and a brand new house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
21st birthday
A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.
On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his t**... - and p**...! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.
His friends are stunned. "Quick, get him another one!" So one of them helps him drink another beer - and p**...! Two arms pop out of the torso.
Amazed, they order another beer, which the boy (now having arms) proudly drinks all by himself. p**...! Two legs pop out of the torso. All his friends cheer as the guy gets up to take a few steps. But he's unsteady on his new legs - not helped by three beers in rapid succession - and after a few steps he stumbles through the front door and into the street, and gets flattened by a bus.
"Bummer," says one of the guys in the bar. "He should have quit while he was ahead."
So 4 guys are talking in a bar.
So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm your Birthday Present
It was Jim's 75th Birthday, his friends decided to give him a h**... for his Birthday.
The h**... went to his house and knocks on the door. Jim answers, she says "Hi I'm your birthday present!"
A little startled, he asks "What am I supposed to do with you?"
"I'm yours for supersex" she answers.
Jim replies "Well, I'm 75 years old, so I'll just have the soup."
Last night I got so drunk I did something I have never done before...
Last night, at my friend's 24th birthday party I decided to loosen up, and after around 7 or 8 rounds of cocktails and 4 cases of beer, I decided I was too drunk to drive home by myself.
I decided to take a taxi home and thank God I did because there was a police stop. Since I was in a cab they just waved me right through. So after I got home I went straight to bed, I woke up the next morning, looked in my garage, and I have no idea how it got there, but I now own a taxi.
Why I got divorced..........
Last wéek was my birthday.... My wife didnt wish me.... My parents forgot and so did my kids.... I went to work.... Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch.... After lunch,she invited me to her apartment... WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?" "OKAY",i said... She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife, My Parents, My Kids ,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming, SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa......in my birthday suit
This man was a really hard worker...
He worked day in, day out, and put all of his energy into his job. One day his friend was visiting. His friend said "So, it's your birthday coming up, and I was wondering what you wanted." The man replied "Man, all I want is a break, but I don't want to have to wait until my birthday for it." After a little more conversing, his friend left. A while later, he came back to the man and said "Sorry it took so long, I had to take my bike apart!"
This joke was made up by my 10 year old brother, and he wanted me to share it with you guys, so here it is!
Two friends lived in houses across from each each other
One day they were talking and the first friend said: "I'm gonna give you curtains for your birthday"
- "Why curtains?"
- "So I don't have to see you doing your wife all the time"
- "Ah well, I'm gonna give you binoculars for your birthday"
- "Um, why binoculars?"
- "Well, so you can see who's wife I'm doing"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me he's into really twisted women
so I took him to a Möbius s**... club for his birthday
Helping your neighbour South African Style
Hello, is this the South African Police?
Eish-Yes. What you want?
I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.
Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society suh
The next day, the Police descends on Hendrik's house. They search the braai lapa (BBQ area) where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga (Cannabis) . They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
Hey, Hendrik! Did the Police come?
Ja! (Yes!)
Did they chop your firewood for the braai (BBQ) tonight?
Ja… (Yes...)
Happy birthday my friend!
4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.
" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends..." .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ....
Nutrition major's birthday is coming up.. help me get some brownie points!
Hey guys! I've been enjoying your jokes for a couple months now and thought I'd try to get some help from the comics themselves. A friend of mine is a nutrition major and her birthday is coming up, I'm trying to come up with a funny gift/card I can give to her. Any ideas?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the end of my 21st birthday meal, I mentioned to my dad that the waiter had been really friendly and accommodating.
So he hands him a 100 euro note and goes, "As the l**... said to the p**..., 'You can keep the tip!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old, old man goes into a confessional.
He says, "Father, I"m not sure where to start."
The priest say, Well, what do I need to know?"
The old man says, "Father, last night I was havin' a drink, alone, at the bar, and I told the bartender it was my birthday, but I was all alone. Right then, a beautiful, sweet, 18-year-old blonde came up and said I shouldn't be alone on my birthday. She insisted on buyin' me a drink, and then insisted on taking me back to her apartment, where she introduced me to her gorgeous red-headed best friend. Well, one thing led to another, and we had all s**... all night long."
"Well," said the priest, "that's pretty bad, but I can understand. Say five Hail Mary's and two Our Father's, and don't do it again."
"I don't know those," said the old man, "I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm tellin' everybody!!"
Why did Harry Potter's friends pick him up and pass him around on his birthday?
They were playing pass the Parseltongue.
On his way home from work, a man realizes he has forgotten a birthday gift for his daughter...
He stops at Toys R Us and heads straight to the Barbies. Overwhelmed by all of his choices, he approaches a nearby sales associate. She then proceeds to show him their most popular Barbie dolls.
"Well, here we have Astronaut Barbie, Surfer Barbie, and Veterinarian Barbie... but our most popular doll by far is Divorced Barbie."
"Divorced Barbie? What makes her so popular? That seems like an odd choice..." the confused father replies.
The sales associate proceeded "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, and Ken's best friend."
Barbie Dolls
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
Heard this joke from a friend today!
Some friends, a lesbian couple...
bought me an antique gold fob timepiece for my birthday. I think they mistook me when I said "I wanna watch".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a Jewish man's 95th birthday
His friends decided last minute they would get him a stripper. The only person available was about 70 years old.
At his party, the stripper, tassels at her knees, was giving the old man a lap dance when she said,
"Ooh baby. I'm gonna give you some supa s**... tonight!" To which he replied,
"I'll have the soup"
It's 2 am. A teenage girl climbs up a brick wall and slowly shimmies through her open bedroom window
"Click!" Suddenly, light quickly engulfs the room. The girl discovers her mother siting on her bed with her right hand on the lamp string and a large angry grin of disapproval on her face.
Mother - "What happened to your 12 am curfew?! Where were you??!"
Daughter - "Sigh... I'm sorry mom! Yes I meant to call... I was at Shirley's house and lost track of time! Geez!"
Mother - "That lie you just told is gonna cost you your phone for a month! Your father called me half an hour ago, he's out drinking at his favorite bar with his work friend where he said he saw you with some boy! What were you thinking?! you're underage!"
Daughter - "UGH! Mom Chill! Yes I lied ok? That boy was just my friend Daniel! You know THAT Daniel??? It was his Birthday so me and Shirley got fake I.D's and took him to a Gay Bar to mingle! What's the big deal?!..."
What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?
I'll column later.
My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday.
I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!
A friend wanted "cold hard cash" for his birthday
So I gave him a $20 bill inside of a chunk of ice.
Birthday Party
My friend's college mentor told her this story:
"So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we put together a really quick party, only about half a minute long, and when the party ended, he was really confused and asked about the length of the party."
It was his thirty second birthday.
A friend once gave me a birthday card, and inside it was a big fat zero.
It meant nothing to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Against my will, my friend bought me a h**... for my birthday
But hey, it's the thot that counts.
My daughter wanted a Disney Princess birthday party…
…so I made all her friends come over and clean my house.
Juan's 20th Birthday
Juan's friends and family kept saying to him "You're 20, Juan!"
Juan was very disappointed with this, as they believed he was turning 21, not 20
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"
Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great s**..., anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"
I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?
She did, I replied, But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!
On my birthday, my friend messaged me in short, "HBD HBD HBD" So on his anniversary I messaged him, "HA HA HA" 😉😜😂 And he blocked me..😳 Did i say anything wrong..?🤔😉
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
t**...
I had brought up the idea of a t**... several times to my wife. So on my birthday, she relented and asked which of her friends I would like. I didn't know I was only supposed to name one.
Me talking about my failed birthday party
Me: the only person who didn't pull out was the one person I wanted to
Friend: who was that?
Me: my dad
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called, "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the very next day, I came across some road kill, so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious...
I'm just not sure what I should do with the bike...
I took two protons and two neutrons to my friend's birthday
That's what makes a party cool
I was going to make a vegetable stew for my friends birthday since his buddy didnt show up...
Apparently he didnt like his disabled friend in his meal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did h**... say to his jewish friend schwitz when he couldnt come to his birthday party?
Awww schwitz!
I was feeling pretty down on my birthday...
... Because I hadn't had any luck with the ladies recently. A friend of mine told me that he could set me up with someone, and I got pretty excited. He showed me a picture, and I got even more excited. Then he told me she wasn't "girlfriend material", but would probably bang me just because it was my birthday.
I told him it's the thot that counts.
I had a birthday cake and decided to share it with my friend.
I decided to cut one quarter of the cake and gave it to him and I kept the rest for myself.
He started crying and whining about how selfish I was.
Me: Alright, so if you were in my position what would you do?
Friend: If it was my birthday cake, I would give you the bigger piece and keep the smaller piece for myself because I'm not selfish.
Me: But that's exactly what I just did so what are you complaining about?
I hired a clown for my child's birthday party.
But I don't think he and his friends find Alex Jones funny.
I asked my epileptic friend, What do you want for your birthday?
He said, I hope it's nothing too flashy.
Putin
Vladimir Putin celebrated his birthday,
but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.
A close friend asked me what I wanted for my Birthday but I don't think he ever listens.
For some reason, he got me a flashlight and subscription to lawn magazine
So i asked my anti-vaxxer friends to bring their child to my son's 1st birthday
I don't know why they got mad at me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday
So I lit his wheelchair on fire
My friend's birthday is the day after New Years and I'm thinking about buying him a better monitor.
Do you think 1440p is a good After New Years resolution?
I should get my girlfriend a card for her birthday.
I'll make it green. I'm sure she will like it, all my friends say she must want one if she's dating me.
I was at my friend's birthday party, when I got a call that my astronaut son quit his job.
He just said he felt like he was misson out
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
Daddy , she whispered tugging my shirt.
Guess how old I'll be next month?
I don't know, honey. I said as I slipped on my glasses. How old?
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
It's now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
My friend's birthday
My friend ordered a cake with his own portrait as icing for his birthday and then ate it all without sharing with anyone
I guess he's so full of himself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This year my wife was struggling for ideas on what to get me for my birthday.
I said that for my birthday, I would like a t**.... I've never had one before, and I would feel like less of a creep if she organized it.
She was surprisingly on-board. She said that she had a friend from college who would probably be up for it.
But I think I ruined the night when I asked her who she had in mind for the third person.
Beware of DNA tests!
In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, his parents replied that they told him hundreds of times that "Bob's your Uncle!"
One of my older friends called me the other day
He was born in the 50's and his grandson's birthday was coming up.
He was planning on getting him one of those toys that are supposed to always come back. He couldn't remember what it was called, so I reminded him.
Long story short, the boomer rang.
A man breaks into a wealthy persons house
He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate to escape with something. He spots a door at the end of the hallway that appears to have been left unlocked he opens to find the houses owner. He says "YOU!! How did you get past my security" the robber says "you let your guard down"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man tells his friend, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s**..., any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"
The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
The man sighed. "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"