Fried Jokes

What are some Fried jokes?

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

Where was the first chicken fried?

In Greece.

Chinese Food is amazing

but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?

A Tempura-Pedic

Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.

He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken

The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.

100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.

Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.

One billion dollars. This is our final offer.

After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.

I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece!

(courtesy of my ten year old)

An older couple is watching tv...

And the man stands up and says, "I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?"
His wife answers, "yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkes."
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, "Honey, are you sure you don't want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember."
"no, no, I'm sure I'll remember what you asked for."
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, "well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!"

A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real.

You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

What are our names?

A hen and her chick are having a talk.
"Why do humans have names, but us chickens don't? All we have is chicken, or hen.", asks the chick.
"Well, humans may have names when they are ALIVE, but when they are dead, they are only called ghosts.", Says the hen, "but, we have lots of names when we are dead. Such as chicken curry, fried chicken, roast chicken...."

I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all tied up and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Why is Chick-fil-a so successful?

They figured out how to sell fried chicken to white people.

A drunk guy gets into a taxi..

-Ehh.. 'scuse me, driver... would it be okay if.. I left a few beers, some fried chicken, 2 tequila shots and some rice on your back seat?

-(confused)Ehm, sure.

*#vomits#*



Sorry people, I had to.

I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again.

I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!

Three salesmen, an Englishman, a French man, and an American, meet in an airport...

and eventually the topic turns to sex.


The Englishman says, "Before I left for this trip, I made love to my wife 3 times. The next morning she woke up and made me a big breakfast of fried bacon, potatoes and eggs. As I went out the door she gave me a passionate kiss and told me last night was amazing and she was the happiest woman in the kingdom."

The Frenchman says, "Hah! Before I left I made love to my wife 7 times and the next morning she made me a huge breakfast of omelettes, crepes, and croissants. As I sat down to eat she slid into my lap and told me she could never love another man."

Then the Englishman and Frenchman turn to the American. He shrugs,"Before I left, I made love to my wife once. "

His friends start laughing. "Once? Just once? What did your wife say to you in the morning?"

"Don't stop."

French Fries aren't actually fried in France.

They're fried in Greece.

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor. Asks, "Hey Doc, will I live to 100? I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat fried foods, and don't run around with loose women."

Doctor replies: "So why would you want to live to 100?"

My Nephew's pet chicken died.

I couldn't help asking if the funeral will be fried or roasted.

Whats long, black and hard to cut into?

The line at ~~Kentucky Fried Chicken.~~ Popeyes
Edit Thanks /u/SatanicOnion

A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: Names such as, curry chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken..

Did you know french fries aren't made in France?

They're fried in Greece!

Why do bulemics like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Because it comes with a bucket.

This is no yolk

A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.

The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"

The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off

A couple went out to eat ...

A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.

The waiter said, "Very good, madam. What about the vegetable?"

She said, "Oh, I'm sure he'll just order the Chicken Fried Steak."

I was in KFC with my bro when the lights went out...

I told him that the circuits were fried

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen, "Careful," he said. "Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. Turn them! Turn them now! Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. Use the salt! Use the salt!"
The wife stared at him, "What's wrong? Don't I know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

I'm opening up a snack shop in DC.

I'm opening up a snack shop in DC. We will serve things like:

Triple fudge brownie sunday with double whipped cream, only 100 calories!

Cheesy deep fried nachos, more vitamins and less fat than a salad!

I'll call my shop "Alternative Snacts".

Why did Aristotle hate French fries?

They were fried in ancient grease!

Most people like their eggs fried or scrambled, I like mine baked...

in cookies, brownies and cake.

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site having lunch. The black man opens up his lunch and says "If I get fried chicken for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opens up his lunch and says "If I get a burrito for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building." The Polish guy opens his lunch and says "If I get a bologna sandwich for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building."
The next day the three men are having lunch. They all open up their lunches and see they've all got the same thing from the day before and proceed to jump to their deaths.
Their wives get to talking at the wake when the black mans wife says "If I knew he didn't like fried chicken, I would've never put it in his lunch." The Mexican mans wife says "If I knew he didn't like burritos, I would've never put it in his lunch." When they turn to the Polish mans wife she says "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."

Kentucky Fried Chicken just donated a large sum of money to a hospital

I heard they are calling it the Chicken Wing

What's the difference between funnel cake and a punk rocker's hairdo?

One is fried dough and the other is a dyed fro

Did you hear about the auto-correct programmer who lost his job?

He was fried.

chicken, pork and beef

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...

Greasy love

Don't go bacon my heart. I couldn't if I fried.

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now..

Will there be fried foods in heaven?

Of course! God has a pan for each of us

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head...

... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother."

Why did the chicken cross the state line?

He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!

What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

Teaching the chicken to cook

The prime minister of Japan finally decides to enact revenge on the US for Hiroshima & Nagasaki.

He decides to nuke the rednecks and he calls it: Operation Fried Okra-homa

Yo Mama so poor...

...that when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken she licks other people's fingers.

What do you call a fish being fried?

fissssshhh

When you really want fried potatoes, just remember....

Keep your eyes on the fries

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?
A: by the time your finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put the bone in.

Why are radios cheaper in Scotland?

Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried.

A shrimp fried this rice joke

What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don't wok away from me!

What did the monk use to make fried chicken?

A deep friar.

TIL The first 'French Fries' weren't fried in France.

They were fried in grease.

Cr

What do you call a fried potato with an oral fixation?

A French Freud

What did the Korean fried chicken wing say to the fried chicken leg?

Boy, I wish I could fry.

I always eat at this fried chicken place, the Cool Clucks Clan

My only criticism is that they don't serve dark meat

My wife asked me if I liked fried bread coated in sugar...

Of course, I donut.

Mike, why do you have a fried egg on your head?

Mike: Because a boiled egg would just roll off

What's a computer's favourite snack?

Fried cache-ews.

A giant destroyed three countries the other day

He picked up Turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.

Asian stereotype joke

An Asian man walks up to a fast food restaurant for takeout.
He says "Flied lice please."
He leaves but comes back a minute later
"This is fried rice, I ordered flied lice."

What do you call a deep fried underwater cow?

Cowamari.

Did you hear about the comedian who fell in a big vat of piping hot oil?

Gilbert got fried.

(I apologize to Gilbert.)

What has Ferris wheels, cotton candy, and delicious fried food?

That's a fair question

The sign in the bathroom at Kentucky Fried Chicken said...

..."Employees must lick fingers before returning to work."

What is Wakanda's national dish?

Fried T'Chicken

How do monsters like their eggs?

Terri- *fried*

My prejudiced grandfather

One time I was reheating leftover fried rice from Chinese take-out, and I decided to mix in some basmati we had from the Indian restaurant. My grandfather smacked me on the head and told me to knock it off.

He believes in separating the rices.

I've always wanted to try fried ghost...

I'm a big fan of soul food.

I suggest we all go to Russia for Christmas..

They'll have fried Turkey

What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?

Hushpuppies.

A Chinese, Indian, American, and African decides to have a party, each bringing in their own traditional food. The Chinese brings in fried rice, the Indian brings in curry, and the American brings in burgers. What does the African bring in?

An empty plate.

Why did the chicken get a lawyer

Because he knew he was going to get fried in court

Paula Deen announced the title of her new book...

"Fried & Prejudiced"

How to make Fried jokes?

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