fried Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fried puns

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

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Where was the first chicken fried?

In Greece.

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Is the joke I made up funny or shit (my first attempt) completely original

So I was sitting in my local Chinese takeaway tonight waiting for my order when an old friend came in. I said to him "not seen you in ages, where have you been", in which he replied he had been in prison. I asked him what was he in for, to which he replied "a chicken curry with some fried rice".

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Chinese Food is amazing

but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

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What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?

A Tempura-Pedic

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Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

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A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.

He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken

The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.

100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.

Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.

One billion dollars. This is our final offer.

After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.

I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.

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What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece!

(courtesy of my ten year old)

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An older couple is watching tv...

And the man stands up and says, "I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?"
His wife answers, "yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkes."
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, "Honey, are you sure you don't want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember."
"no, no, I'm sure I'll remember what you asked for."
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, "well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!"

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A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Husband knocks it out of the park!

A wife was making fried eggs in breakfast for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL!" he yelled. "Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! They need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked. "You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs after all these years?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

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I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

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Frying Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"

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You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real.

You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

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Last night I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69...

She made me sweet and sour pork with fried rice.

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A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country...

She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat.

Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.

Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her.

The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole.

She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.

The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm!"

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What are our names?

A hen and her chick are having a talk.
"Why do humans have names, but us chickens don't? All we have is chicken, or hen.", asks the chick.
"Well, humans may have names when they are ALIVE, but when they are dead, they are only called ghosts.", Says the hen, "but, we have lots of names when we are dead. Such as chicken curry, fried chicken, roast chicken...."

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I went out with an Asian girl once

I asked for a 69,

She said "Fuck off I'm not cooking egg fried rice this time of night"

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I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all tied up and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

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Why is Chick-fil-a so successful?

They figured out how to sell fried chicken to white people.

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I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again.

I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!

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Three salesmen, an Englishman, a French man, and an American, meet in an airport...

and eventually the topic turns to sex.


The Englishman says, "Before I left for this trip, I made love to my wife 3 times. The next morning she woke up and made me a big breakfast of fried bacon, potatoes and eggs. As I went out the door she gave me a passionate kiss and told me last night was amazing and she was the happiest woman in the kingdom."

The Frenchman says, "Hah! Before I left I made love to my wife 7 times and the next morning she made me a huge breakfast of omelettes, crepes, and croissants. As I sat down to eat she slid into my lap and told me she could never love another man."

Then the Englishman and Frenchman turn to the American. He shrugs,"Before I left, I made love to my wife once. "

His friends start laughing. "Once? Just once? What did your wife say to you in the morning?"

"Don't stop."

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French Fries aren't actually fried in France.

They're fried in Greece.

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What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in

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Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor. Asks, "Hey Doc, will I live to 100? I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat fried foods, and don't run around with loose women."

Doctor replies: "So why would you want to live to 100?"

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My Nephew's pet chicken died.

I couldn't help asking if the funeral will be fried or roasted.

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A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts.

I told her, "fried or grilled" but apparently that's not an appropriate response to a prostitute.

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Whats long, black and hard to cut into?

The line at ~~Kentucky Fried Chicken.~~ Popeyes
Edit Thanks /u/SatanicOnion

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What does a man with a 12 inch penis have for breakfast?

Well, today I had waffles, 2 fried eggs, bacon and a cup of coffee.

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What does a man with a 10 inch dick eat for breakfast?

Well today I had bacon, fried eggs, toast, and milk.

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A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: Names such as, curry chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken..

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Did you know french fries aren't made in France?

They're fried in Greece!

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Why do bulemics like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Because it comes with a bucket.

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A couple went out to eat ...

A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.

The waiter said, "Very good, madam. What about the vegetable?"

She said, "Oh, I'm sure he'll just order the Chicken Fried Steak."

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I was in KFC with my bro when the lights went out...

I told him that the circuits were fried

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What are the most funny Fried jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fried? Well, here are the best Fried dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fried pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes