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Friday Jokes

148 friday jokes and hilarious friday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Whether a Friday jokes for work at the office or adults one-lines of the day, these jokes will make you laugh out loud celebrating the end of a week. Leave your workplace or school, and get ready for a Friday night with short puns and riddles that will cheer you while drinking with friends.

Funniest Friday Short Jokes

Short friday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friday humour may include short weekend jokes also.

  1. Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg The Gregorian calendar
  2. I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
  3. Jesus was born on Christmas, died on good friday and rose on Easter. What are the odds?!?!
  4. I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it's Good Friday I thought to myself, What would Jesus do? . So I turned it into wine...
  5. My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
  6. Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month
  7. Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu
  8. I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects. CGI Fridays.
  9. My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday 
  10. Why did the blonde start looking for a new job? Her boss texted they would be closed for good friday.

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Friday One Liners

Which friday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friday? I can suggest the ones about fun and relax.

  1. I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter.
  2. How do you make a blonde laugh on a Friday night? Tell them a joke on Monday.
  3. Black Friday sale on star wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
  4. I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.
  5. what kind of meat does a priest eat on fridays? Nun.
  6. Diarrhoea Awareness Week starts on Monday Runs until Friday.
  7. Next week is diarrhea awareness week. Runs until Friday.
  8. If you think Friday is a sad day, I've got some bad news for you. Tomorrow is Sadder Day.
  9. I said "Hi" to a feminist yesterday. The trial is next Friday...
  10. I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight I never go out on Friday the 13th
  11. We're having a jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already
  12. It's Friday, And I'm A Vampire. Can't Wait To Have A Boy With The Cold Ones
  13. What did roman soldier say on a Good Friday? Nailed it!
  14. Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday
  15. Why do cops love going to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd

Its Friday Jokes

Here is a list of funny its friday jokes and even better its friday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A blonde and a brunette are in a car. Brunette: Christmas is on a Friday this year.
    Blonde: I hope it's not the 13th.
  • My mom asked me what I was doing for Easter ... I said, "Same as Jesus. Going out on Friday and coming back Sunday"
  • My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
  • Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building This Friday is open Mike night.
  • I meet a bishop at Good Friday mass today, but I'm a little suspicious. He wasn't moving diagonally.
  • The worst thing about Friday the 13th Is monday the 16th
  • Earlier today I told my Christian friend to Have a Good Friday. He didn't catch my pun. I'm not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.
  • Looks like Black Friday started early in Ferguson
  • Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.
  • It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade.

Good Friday Jokes

Here is a list of funny good friday jokes and even better good friday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do they call it Black Friday? Because the prices are so good you are practically stealing.
  • What did Roman say on Good Friday? "Nailed it."
  • Rumour has it... Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn't wake up for 3 days.
    (Easter Joke... Nailed it.)
  • Just as there is a balance of good and evil.... There's a Friday for every Monday.
    Have a great week :)
  • Last year I got so hammered on Good Friday I woke up in a cave three days later
  • Marriage secret My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
  • What do evil spirits say on Friday the 13th? "Voorhees a jolly good fellow!"
  • Celebrating Good Friday by honoring Jesus aka doing the same thing he did today and hanging with my Bros.
  • You know who would never call today "Good Friday"? Jesus.
  • What do you get when you cross two thieves and a teacher? Good Friday.
Friday joke, What do you get when you cross two thieves and a teacher?

Friday Good Jokes

Here is a list of funny friday good jokes and even better friday good puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals? A good Friday
  • It's Good Friday. That means if you don't sin, Then Jesus died for nothing.
  • Good Friday is the day Jesus died. Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead.
    And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
  • I find it very strange and coincidental that Jesus. Was born on Christmas day and died on good Friday.
  • I hope everyone has a Good Friday. Jesus certainly didn't.
  • Traffic on Good Friday How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?
    Cross traffic doesn't stop.
  • What is the only meat a Catholic Priest is allowed to eat on Good Friday? Nun
  • Friday came quickly! She's such a good horse.
  • I celebrate Good Friday just like Jesus... You know, hanging out.
  • What do you get when you cross two thieves with a carpenter ... Good Friday!!!

Sunday Friday Jokes

Here is a list of funny sunday friday jokes and even better sunday friday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. ahh, those were the days...
  • Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days of the week? Because Monday through Friday are weekdays.
  • Why did Saturday and Sunday win the body-building competition? Because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are week days.
  • Jesus and I have a lot in common We both got hammered on a Friday and didn't arise until the Sunday.
  • You know the difference between a woman attending Sunday morning mass and a woman taking a Friday night bath? One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.
  • What are the 7 Irish drinking holidays? Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
  • I get laid almost every day of the week. Almost got laid on Monday, almost got laid on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday, almost on Thursday, almost on Friday, almost on Saturday, and almost on Sunday.
  • I am spending my Easter like Jesus... I'm going out Friday and coming back Sunday.
  • My mum asked me what i had planned for easter. I told her same as Jesus. Im going out on Friday and i will be back on Sunday
  • Monday through Friday I have a friend who, Monday through Friday seems very strong, but Saturday and Sunday he's weekend.

Friday The 13th Jokes

Here is a list of funny friday the 13th jokes and even better friday the 13th puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another. "Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"
  • I don't worry about Friday the 13th. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
  • A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car. The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"
  • It's Friday 13th... Thank my lucky stars that I'm not superstitious
  • I'm not superstitious on Friday the 13th Just a little stitious.
  • Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if Friday the 13th was on Halloween! I tricked too many people with that...
  • It's Friday the 13th and there's a serial killer at the circus He's freaking in tents.
  • What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th? *Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*
  • Why is the killer from Friday the 13th series so effective?
  • One blonde asks the other blonde when is Thanksgiving Blond 1: What day is Thanksgiving this year?
    Blonde 2: I think Friday.
    Blonde 1: Thank God it's not the 13th!
Friday joke, One blonde asks the other blonde when is Thanksgiving

Laughter Friday Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about friday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friday kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friday pranks.

So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...

...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.

A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...

HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…

Jenga Towers

At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.
So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the teacher tells me I can bring in a board game on monday.
mfw I walk into class on 9/11 with Jenga and I'm a muslim...

I was fired from work at school...

So, due to a minor defect at birth, I was born with Strabismus, and up until last Friday, I was happy performing my duties as a teacher.
Unfortunately, I was fired. My boss told me he couldn't have a teacher in his school that couldn't control his pupils.

Paybacktime


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

Preacher goes to a party

A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"

Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "b**..." and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.

Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."

COUNTING CONDOMS

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the c**... display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one c**...?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend.

Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too.

50% off

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....

His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.

Misty's boss says to her: "You've been late to work for 5 days straight! You know what this means, don't you?" .....

...to which Misty replied "I SURE do! It means today must be FRIDAY!!!"

Two men are sitting at a bar....

The first man tells his buddy, "I saw my boss being beaten up by 3 guys when I was leaving here last Friday."
The second man says, "Did you help?"
The first man replies, "Nope, they seemed like they were doing a good job."

A man asks his wife on a Friday evening...

Husband: Shall we have a nice weekend?
Wife: Sure, why not?
Husband: Ok then, see you on Monday!

Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

Nothing ruins a Friday more...

...than realizing that today is Tuesday.

Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

Why do the riot police like to go to Black Friday early?

So they can beat the crowd

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

Guys-- I finally got laid- !

... Off from work.
My last day is Friday.

Did you know that this week is National Diarrhea Week?

It runs from today until the end Friday...

I have s**... almost every day

Almost on Sunday
Almost on Monday
Almost on Tuesday
Almost on Wednesday
Almost on Thursday
Almost on Friday
And almost on Saturday

My Jewish boss offered me Friday and Monday off work if I convert.

So it's four days off or f**... on.

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...

Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..

Do you know why they call it Black Friday?

Everything is 3/5 the price!

What is a caveman's favourite thing to do on a Friday night?

Go clubbing.

On Monday, h**... told 1 lie.

On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, h**... told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-n**... sequence.

A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.

The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."

Great Easter joke I heard today

**Wife:** "What are your plans for Easter?"
**Husband**: "Same as Jesus."
**Wife**: "What do you mean?"
**Husband**: "I will disappear on Friday and and reappear on Monday."
**Wife**: "AWESOME, if you do that I'll do the same as Mary."
**Husband**: "What do you mean?"
**Wife**: "Show up pregnant, untouched by my husband"

Husband stayed home all Easter.

A Canadian walks into a restaurant...

He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"
He replies, "Friday."

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

Friday afternoon I'm walking home from school

and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little w**.... In Morse code.

A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"

The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."

My girl and I decided never to go to sleep angry at each other.

We've been awake since Friday.

Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas...

They are due back in the library this Friday.

To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas.

They're due back in the library this Friday, cheers.

After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..

Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!

In terms of money, I'm set for life!

Provided I die next Friday

Superstition

I was trimming my nails when my Grandfather said with a sigh "You should not cut your nails on Thursdays".
I had never adhered to these superstition but out of curiosity I asked, "What happens when I cut my nails on Thursday?"
He explained, "You see the weekend starts tomorrow Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's difficult to open the beer cans and the Lays packs without the nails."
Moral: Some superstitions do have a scientific basis!

A young, extremely perky woman gets into an elevator with an older man...

The woman smiles broadly and says, "TGIF"!
The man slowly turns to her and deadpans, "S.h.i.t."
The woman, thinking that he didn't hear her, slowly repeats "T.G.I.F."
He simply responds, "S.h.i.t.", just as slowly.
Exasperated, she laughs and says, "TGIF stands for Thank God It's Friday!, Silly!"
The man replies, "I know that but Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."

My final work dad joke

I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:
After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore.
_It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life_
Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.

"Drive that thing like you stole it!"

One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."

According to the police blotter in our newspaper, it's been a tough week for them.

Monday: Someone stole all the toilets from the station house. So far they have nothing to go on.
Wednesday: A large sinkhole opened up in the middle of main St. They are still looking into it.
Friday: A thief has stolen all the wheels off of the police cruisers. They are working the case tirelessly.

A golfer went to a fortuneteller

He asked, "can you tell me if there are golf courses in Heaven?"
The fortuneteller entered a trance to ponder his question. After several minutes she responded- "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, the golf courses in Heaven are beautiful beyond any earthly imagination."
"That's wonderful!" said the golfer.
"And you'll be teeing off at eight-thirty next Friday."

How to make a blonde laugh at Monday morning?

Tell her a joke at Friday night.

An italian pastry chef was injured at work this friday

We Cannoli hope he makes a full recovery.

Friday joke, An italian pastry chef was injured at work this friday

jokes about friday