Friday Good Jokes
100 friday good jokes and hilarious friday good puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about friday good that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Friday Good Short Jokes
Short friday good jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The friday good humour may include short friday work jokes also.
- Jesus was born on Christmas, died on good friday and rose on Easter. What are the odds?!?!
- I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it's Good Friday I thought to myself, What would Jesus do? . So I turned it into wine...
- Why did the blonde start looking for a new job? Her boss texted they would be closed for good friday.
- My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- I meet a bishop at Good Friday mass today, but I'm a little suspicious. He wasn't moving diagonally.
- Earlier today I told my Christian friend to Have a Good Friday. He didn't catch my pun. I'm not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.
- Why do they call it Black Friday? Because the prices are so good you are practically stealing.
- Rumour has it... Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn't wake up for 3 days.
(Easter Joke... Nailed it.) - Just as there is a balance of good and evil.... There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week :) - Marriage secret My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Share These Friday Good Jokes With Friends
Friday Good One Liners
Which friday good one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with friday good? I can suggest the ones about friday kid and happy friday.
- What did roman soldier say on a Good Friday? Nailed it!
- Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday
- It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade.
- What did Roman say on Good Friday? "Nailed it."
- Last year I got so hammered on Good Friday I woke up in a cave three days later
- What do evil spirits say on Friday the 13th? "Voorhees a jolly good fellow!"
- You know who would never call today "Good Friday"? Jesus.
- What do you get when you cross two thieves and a teacher? Good Friday.
- What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals? A good Friday
- It's Good Friday. That means if you don't sin, Then Jesus died for nothing.
- I hope everyone has a Good Friday. Jesus certainly didn't.
- What is the only meat a Catholic Priest is allowed to eat on Good Friday? Nun
- Friday came quickly! She's such a good horse.
- I celebrate Good Friday just like Jesus... You know, hanging out.
- What do you get when you cross two thieves with a carpenter ... Good Friday!!!
Friday Good Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about friday good you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean finally friday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make friday good pranks.
Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."
Seniors!
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
The speeder
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper
Good Friday / Easter Joke
So it's after the resurrection and boy is Jesus in the mood for some partying. He gets the disciples together and heads for the club!
They hit the dance floor, but something is wrong - Jesus just can't seem to get in groove with the music. He tries and tries, but finally yells out. . .
Help! I've risen and I can't get down!
Weekend
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, No, I'd like to see something more special.
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000″ the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, We'll take it.
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good,
so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon, he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. There's no money in that account.
I know, said the old man, But let me tell you about my weekend!
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Alex The Gardener
A supervisor of a landscaping business got a call from one of his workers on Friday afternoon "Hey boss, it's me Alex, I'm not feeling so good today, I've got a big headache and just don't feel well." The boss replies; "You know, when I don't feel well, I like to go to my wife and ask for s**..., then I feel much better. You should try it."
Three hours later, the boss gets a phone call from Alex; "You were right boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon! By the way, you have a really nice house!"
Baseball
Two old friends in their 80's John and Frank grew up together and always loved baseball since they were young. They went to the park everyday to feed the bids and talk about baseball.
One day, John turns to Frank and says, "Frank, do you think there is baseball in heaven?"
John think for a second then says, "Well how about this. Whichever one of us dies first will find out if there is
baseball in heaven, then come back as a ghost to tell the other one."
Frank agrees to this and they continue to feed the birds and talk.
Sadly, a few weeks later, Frank dies of a heart attack.
John kept going to the park to feed the birds, only now, he did it alone. After a few days, he hears a voice, "Joooooohn. Jooooooohn."
John is surprised at first, but then says, "Frank? Is that you?"
Frank responds, "Yeeesss. I've come back with good news and bad news."
John asks, "Oh my god Frank! I've missed you so much! What's the good news?"
Frank responds, "The good news is that there is baseball in heaven."
John says, "Oh my god, that's amazing! What could possibly be the bad news?"
Frank says, "You're pitching on Friday."
The trophy girlfriend
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, No, I'd like to see something more special.
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought out another ring.
Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000″ the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man, seeing this, said, We'll take it.
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said, By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon. he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. There's no money in that account.
I know, said the old man, But let me tell you about my weekend!!
"Have a good day, sir"
He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper
Why is it so hard to have a guys night out
Why it is hard to have a guys night out when you are in a relationship.Last Friday night I was invited with the boys for some fun. I told my wife I would be home by midnight,….I swear !!! Well the hours passed and the beers and shots went down to easily…around 2:30 am and a wee bit drunkin, I took a taxi home.
just as I got in the door…the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times…Quickly, realising my wife would probably wake up , I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her (even when totally hammered…3 cucckoos plus 9 = midnight !!!
Well the next morning my wife was in a good mood and she asked what time I got in….I said twelve Midnight….she didn't seem mad at all ( I was thinking I got away with one)….
then she said we need a new cuckoo clock…I then asked her why…and she said….well, last night our cuckoo clock cuckooed 3 times, then said oh $hit….cuckooed 4 times, cleared it's t**... and cuckooed 3 more times…laughed and cuckooed twice more and the tripped over the coffee table and f**...
The Fishing Trip
On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I'll swing by the house to pick them up in an hour. Oh! And please pack my new blue pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend the husband comes home very tired, tan and happy. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he has had a good time.
I did! he says as he carries his things into the bedroom. You wouldn't believe all the fish we caught! Some bass, some catfish, and a few trout.
As he tosses his suitcase onto the bed, his wife leans against the doorjamb.
"Really." She says.
Yup, he says. Then he glances up at her, By the way, why didn't you pack my new blue pajamas like I asked?"
The wife crosses her arms and replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."
A balding, white haired man from Bellville, in Cape Town
walked into a jewellery store in Tygervalley this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $240,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
Baseball heaven?
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is basebal l in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Old guy bought a new car
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
The Jewelery Store
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000." the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man
and said "There's no money in that account!"
'I know, said the old man, but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
A Father and his Son are walking down the c**... aisle in the pharmacy...
The son notices that condoms are sold in different numbers per pack, so he asks his Dad why. The Dad replies, "Well, son, the 3 pack is for when you're in High School. One for Friday night, and two for Saturdays. The 6 pack is for when you're in College. Two for Thursday, two for Friday, and two for Saturday." The son asks, "What about the 12 pack? I bet that's really good." The Dad says, "Oh, the 12 pack is for when you're married. One for January, one for February..."
The senior citizen and the Corvette.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
A Brand New Corvette
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Baseball in Heaven
Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says:
"Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there."
Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name.
"Who's there?" he called out.
"Moe! It's me Sam!"
"Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked.
"It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him.
"Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied.
"Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven."
"That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
"Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."
What did Jesus say to his Mum on Good Friday ?
"Don't give away my Easter Eggs.............I'll be back on Monday."
Why do Catholics eat fish on Good Friday?
Because Jesus died for our fins.
So a guy makes a .gif of people having a good time on a friday which...
he names the title t.gif.
What Jesus said to his students at Good Friday?
Have a good weekend.
How was your night?
John and Roy, two good friends, decide to go out to a bar on a Friday night and have a little fun. After a while, the two get bored and they each go their own way.
John, a bit tipsy (and a performer at heart), decides to try out in the bar's karaoke competition. To his surprise, he takes first place and wins a huge trophy!
Roy, the ladies man of the two, tries to find the most beautiful girl in the bar, and low and behold, Roy gets to talking with an absolute knockout, 10 out of 10. Things start to get serious, and eventually they head back to Roy's apartment.
The next day, the two meet back up at the same bar.
"How was your night, John?" Roy asked.
"Fantastic!" Said John. "Veni, vidi, vici, as the saying goes. I came. I saw. I conquered. What about you?"
Roy thought for a minute, and then smiled.
"What can I say? Vidi, vici, veni."
Prison ain't so bad
A newly arrived prisoner is sitting in his cell when his cellmate, a lifer who has been inside for 20 years, walks in and sees that the young guy is distressed.
Lifer: Don't worry kid, prison ain't so bad. Do you like to work with your hands?
NewMeat: Sure
Lifer: Well,on Monday we get to work in the Arts and Crafts building. You can paint,do woodworking, pottery whatever.
NewMeat: O.k. that's cool.
Lifer: Do you like Gourmet food?
NewMeat: Sure
Lifer: On Tuesdays a Chef comes in affixes anything you want to eat.
NewMeat: Sounds good
Lifer:Do you like movies?
NewMeat: Yeah
Lifer:Wednesdays we get to watch the latest films that are released to theatres.
NewMeat:Allright that's cool.
Lifer: Do you like Music?
NewMeat: Absolutely!
Lifer: Thursdays we get a concert from big name bands like U2 and Foo Fighters.
NewMeat: Wow!! that is cool!!
Lifer: Are you gay?
NewMeat: Uh, no I'm not gay
Lifer: Oh....... well you're not gonna like Friday's at all.
The Old Man & The Trooper
A senior citizen drove his brand new Lexus convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road and onto the highway, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down the interstate pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at the old man, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
Remember, tomorrow is Good Friday
So let's all act like Jesus and get completely hammered.
Celebrating Good Friday by honoring Jesus
aka doing the same thing he did today and hanging with my Bros.
Driving a brand new Bugatti
A senior citizen drove his brand new Bugatti to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 170, ...
Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before for why you were speeding.
I'll let U go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good Night , Sir"
It's an Army Captain's first day as Company Commander.....
He is in his new office, unpacking his stuff and setting things up, there is a knock on the door. The new Captain wants to impress his new soldiers, so he sits down, picks up the phone, and says "Come in."
A private enters the room, the Captain holds up his finger and starts talking "Ok General, thanks for the invitation to dinner at your house. I'm excited to be here and thanks again for hand picking me to Command this unit. See you Friday night. bye."
He hangs up and looks at the private and says "Hey there, what can I do for you?"
The private says "Good morning Sir, I'm just here to hook up your phone. "
Guy keeps calling off work on Mondays....
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."
The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
The old Man and the State Trooper
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
And on Good Friday, I'm once again reminded that I'm a lonely v**....
Even Jesus got nailed today.
Everyone have a Good Friday!
...I'll show myself out
Traffic on Good Friday
How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?
Cross traffic doesn't stop.
Two men are sitting at a bar....
The first man tells his buddy, "I saw my boss being beaten up by 3 guys when I was leaving here last Friday."
The second man says, "Did you help?"
The first man replies, "Nope, they seemed like they were doing a good job."
A married couple with children made a code word for s**.....
The code phrase is "Typing a letter".
So on a Friday movie night, the husband is in the mood and asks his wife around their children, "would you like to type some letters tonight?". The wife says they're watching a good movie, maybe tomorrow.
Saturday comes and the husband is now in heat, all day keeps asking to "type". Finally at night as the kids are tucked in, the wife softly asks, "I'm sorry for making you wait, do you wanna type the letter now, honey?", to which the husband replies:
"Forget it, it's been handwritten."
What did the pervert's friend say on Friday?
Have a good Peekend!
On this day every year I start the day with a bowl of Frosted Flakes.
It makes Good Friday grrrrrrrrrrrreat!!!
Why is today called Good Friday?
Because Jesus has the next three days off.
Good Friday is called Long Friday in Finnish
I guess time passes slowly when you're being crucified.
I hope you're having...
...a good Friday
I find it very strange and coincidental that Jesus.
Was born on Christmas day and died on good Friday.
What is Bad Friday?
Then you at the Job on Good Friday.
Jesus, Good Friday: Ok guys I'm dead now.
Jesus, Easter Sunday: Gotcha! April Fools!
Good Friday is the day Jesus died.
Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead.
And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
I watched Liverpool in the Champions League Final on YouTube on Friday night.
I thought YouTube only done funnies, Boy did they they come up with the goods that night. Funniest thing I have ever seen.
Kelly and Ron
Kelly: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays two days, and comes back on Friday. How is this possible?
Ron: The horse's name is Friday, right?
Kelly: Correct, my good neigh-bor
They call it "Black" Friday because heavily discounted goods cannot be returned, leading many stores to post:
"If you shop Black, you can't take it back."
What's the opposite of Black Friday?
Good Friday.
It's Black Friday... do you like sales?
Because of you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.
wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding
The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? Give me a good excuse for speeding away from me, and I'll let you go. The man thinks for a second and says "my wife ran off with a cop last week. I was afraid you were trying to give her back "
"Have a nice weekend, sir!"
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm
One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.
If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!
It is at Manchester registry office at 2pm. The brides name is Nicola, she is 28, 5f 6 tall, a bit of a looker and a good cook.
I have a friend from Vietnam I talk to every Friday night
I got to know him really well, he was fascinated with America and had really good English (and a good sense of humor) he told me I don't know what that American Dream is, but I know the European Dream is no America.
Why did the Japanese name a car Datsun?
The Japanese built a new car but they could not agree on a name. They knew the Germans were really good at naming cars so they called them up on Friday and told them they need a name by Monday. The Germans said Dat soon?!
A pastor is looking forward to dinner with a family in his congregation….
After church on Sunday, the pastor approaches the family and confirms their dinner the coming Friday. After making small talk for a few minutes, the pastor turns to the couple's 5yo. Have your parents told you what they will be making for us on Friday?
The child thinks a second and replies, Goat.
The pastor squinted and exclaimed Goat?
As the parents are speaking up to clarify, the child cuts in loudly. Yeah, yesterday I heard Mommy tell Daddy that Friday is as good a day as any to have the old goat for dinner!
A golfer went to a fortuneteller
He asked, "can you tell me if there are golf courses in Heaven?"
The fortuneteller entered a trance to ponder his question. After several minutes she responded- "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, the golf courses in Heaven are beautiful beyond any earthly imagination."
"That's wonderful!" said the golfer.
"And you'll be teeing off at eight-thirty next Friday."