The Best 31 Freshly Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Freshly jokes. There are some freshly sturdy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these freshly damp puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Freshly Jokes and Puns
Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...
The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."
An old man is lying on his death bed...
... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."
The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."
A young priest...
A freshly ordained young priest was walking to his newly assigned parish in the inner city. As he walked down the street, a prostitute stopped him and said, "Hey father, $20 for a blow job." The priest had never heard of such a thing and hurried away from the prostitute.
When he arrived at the church he was greeted by the Mother Superior who showed him around the place and guided him to his room. Before she left the priest alone in his room, she asked if he had any questions.
The young priest said, "I do have one question, Mother Superior, what is a blow job?"
And the old nun says, "Twenty bucks, same as on the street."
On a whim, I bought a snake yesterday at the local pet store...
Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.
A woman shot her husband.
A woman shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor.
When the police arrived at the house the sergeant contacted one of the officers over the radio:
"Have you arrested her yet?" The sergeant asked.
"Not yet" replied the officer, "the floor's still wet"
What's white and smells like black paint?
The freshly painted fence.
What's black and smells like white paint?
The 6 year old who painted it
When my dead English friend Nate pees on my newly grey-painted German grenades.
My late mate Euro-nate urinated on my freshly greyed grenades, great!
Where can you buy freshly cut meats and cheeses while a British woman sings to you
Adele-i
My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday
I cannot concentrate!
I like my women like I like my milk
Freshly made and trapped in the fridge
What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?
Mesquite squite squite.
...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.
You can explore freshly diagonally reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean freshly goods dad jokes. There are also freshly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What happened to the Spanish girl when she fell on the freshly mowed lawn?
She got a gracias.
I remember when, for weeks at a time, Mom would wake us every morning with the smell of freshly baked cookies
at 3AM. And in retrospect, those cookies smelled a lot like meth.
The priest wants to check how the freshly married couple is doing
Approaching their door, he not only finds it unlocked, but slightly ajar, too.
Worrying for their wellbeing , he says his prayers and enters.
As he walks into the living room he finds the husband, lying on the hearthrug, naked, his back facing the clergyman.
'Are you back my angel?', the nude asks.
The priest coughs awkwardly and says:'No, but I work for the same guy'
What do you call a freshly repaved road?
Retarred
Holmes, someone has put miracle grow on this freshly dug grave.
The plot thickens, my dear Watson.
Girl, I want to store my freshly grown produce inside of you for the winter
because you are uh mason.
A freshly skinned Italian apple arrives in prison...
Another inmate asks him what happened and the apple replies "I lost my appeal!"
What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share?
They both think, Mom's probably going to kill me
Why do I have one of those beds that looks like a car?
Cuz I love the smell of freshly braked bed in the morning
Tell a person there's a million stars in the sky and he'll believe you.
But tell a person that the bench is freshly painted and he'll touch it just to make sure.
A produce farmer walks into a bar carrying a box of some of his freshly harvested vegetables and orders a beer.
"Keep an eye on that farmer," the bartender tells a waitress. "You won't want to miss it when he starts dancing. He's incredible." "How will I know when he's going to dance?" the waitress asks, watching the farmer just sitting on the bar stool, nursing his beer. "Just keep an eye on him," the bartender advises. "You'll know it's coming when he stands up and drops a beet."
Why did Hitler give concentration camp prisoners fake tans before crushing them?
Because he liked freshly squeezed orange Jews.
(I still don't think enough time has passed for this joke.)
I love the smell of a freshly prepared Pizza with Barbeque sauce and chicken and i love the sound of no one talking to me
while i eat it
A bus from the Special Olympics crashed when they skidded on a freshly paved highway.
It was because they re-tarred it.
Is there anything better than sleeping on freshly washed sheets?
It might be my favourite day of the year.
What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?
One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
They smell just like burned toast
A couple was sitting at a bench in the park
They looked rather sad, so an old lady went up to them, looking rather concerned
Old lady: Are you ok? Why do you guys look so sad?
Man: Come sit down with us and you will understand
So the old lady sat down beside him, waiting for an explanation
Old lady: So, what is bothering you two?
Woman: The bench is freshly painted
A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.
Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"
Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of paper."
The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 16 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.
Woman:" well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 6 stacks of paper left...?"
Man:"Yeah, me too."
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the freshly aroma jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working freshly newer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.